clueless woman needs help with her self esteem

SL0778 · 03-17-2009, 01:48 PM

i am a 53 year old who started seeing a younger man who is 32 about 6 years ago when my mom was ill with cancer and then my husband died shortly after her. lets just say he is bi polar and the years have been up and down for us, my bf and me. how do i let go of this guy and venture out to the real world when my self esteem is not so good. we have a so so relationship with him always being selfish and not there for me. he lives at home with his mom and dad and works only off and on. for the past four months its been no job. when we go out of town on mini vacations its usually me that pays. it was okay when i was going thru the loss of my mom and husband but its really starting to get old now. what is wrong with me? i have my own house and vehicle and two beautiful adult children. yeah they live with me while saving money to get their own place but both have jobs and support theirselves. what would you younger girls do with a guy like this? i really want to know what advice you would give me.

theshoefairy · 03-17-2009, 02:13 PM

Could it have been that somehow this man was something to take you mind off your troubles at the time and you were never really that into this relationship? Hope this doesn't offend you but maybe it is a possibility?

What are the main issues within the relationship?

ghost69 · 03-17-2009, 02:35 PM

i think at the time you were filling a void. i think now you are realizing this isn't for you.

SL0778 · 04-05-2009, 02:12 AM

at first he was filling a void in me, but i can't seem to let go even now. he is very selfish and thinks only of himself. and no i am not offended with you asking that. ( i have been working alot of overtime and couldn't get back to see the replies till now). why can't i leave him alone? i feel like a second mom that he uses to go out of town and do things with that he can't afford to do. but its never shown to me that i am his girl. doesn't take pics of us together or hold hands , god i can't describe it right at all. should i give him up and get back to just being alone for awhile. what would you young girls do with a guy that doesn't have a job, makes remarks to you that make you feel like you are childish because his remarks or jokes hurt your feelings. i am not a woman who makes friends quickly and don't have many friends at all. my mom and husband were my best friends now i endure him and his friends which some are really cool. but they think he is an * * * * * * * most of the time. how do i just get him out of my head and treat him as a friend who i see when i see. how do i venture out into life and feel like he will hurt and regret what he lost. i know thats evil and i shouldn't feel like that but i do. i have this obsession with him and of course you know he doesnt have that with me. i am losing my mind, when did i turn into this woman cause i was never like this before. oh well you can all call me an idiot right about now, its okay.

offplanet · 04-05-2009, 08:37 AM

I'm not young either, so I hope you don't mind my input! You haven't said anything good about this relationship, so I guess you're still in it because you can't bring yourself to be alone, whereas rationally you know it'd be a good idea. You'll have more self esteem if you take control of your life and end a relationship which is doing you more harm than good. I know it's scarey, and maybe being in an unsatisfactory relationship seems better than being lonely. I've been there many times, but no more! Believe me, I know what you're going through, and I hope you have the courage to get out of it now, with your dignity still intact.
All the best
offplanet

03-17-2009, 01:48 PM	#1
SL0778 Offline Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2	clueless woman needs help with her self esteem i am a 53 year old who started seeing a younger man who is 32 about 6 years ago when my mom was ill with cancer and then my husband died shortly after her. lets just say he is bi polar and the years have been up and down for us, my bf and me. how do i let go of this guy and venture out to the real world when my self esteem is not so good. we have a so so relationship with him always being selfish and not there for me. he lives at home with his mom and dad and works only off and on. for the past four months its been no job. when we go out of town on mini vacations its usually me that pays. it was okay when i was going thru the loss of my mom and husband but its really starting to get old now. what is wrong with me? i have my own house and vehicle and two beautiful adult children. yeah they live with me while saving money to get their own place but both have jobs and support theirselves. what would you younger girls do with a guy like this? i really want to know what advice you would give me.

03-17-2009, 02:35 PM	#3
ghost69 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Desert Gender: Male Posts: 33,444	i think at the time you were filling a void. i think now you are realizing this isn't for you. __________________ Not only am I friendly, but I'm invisible too. Too perfect of a relationship is too weird-g69 If you say you are normal, I'd think you are weird-g69 The world can only get better, it depends on how you look at it-g69 'As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me'-5fingerdeathpunch you cannot control the world, you can only live in it the best you can for you-g69 NooOoOoooOOoOoOoooooo

03-17-2009, 02:13 PM	#2
theshoefairy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,694	Could it have been that somehow this man was something to take you mind off your troubles at the time and you were never really that into this relationship? Hope this doesn't offend you but maybe it is a possibility? What are the main issues within the relationship?

04-05-2009, 02:12 AM	#4
SL0778 Offline Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2	at first he was filling a void in me, but i can't seem to let go even now. he is very selfish and thinks only of himself. and no i am not offended with you asking that. ( i have been working alot of overtime and couldn't get back to see the replies till now). why can't i leave him alone? i feel like a second mom that he uses to go out of town and do things with that he can't afford to do. but its never shown to me that i am his girl. doesn't take pics of us together or hold hands , god i can't describe it right at all. should i give him up and get back to just being alone for awhile. what would you young girls do with a guy that doesn't have a job, makes remarks to you that make you feel like you are childish because his remarks or jokes hurt your feelings. i am not a woman who makes friends quickly and don't have many friends at all. my mom and husband were my best friends now i endure him and his friends which some are really cool. but they think he is an * * * * * * * most of the time. how do i just get him out of my head and treat him as a friend who i see when i see. how do i venture out into life and feel like he will hurt and regret what he lost. i know thats evil and i shouldn't feel like that but i do. i have this obsession with him and of course you know he doesnt have that with me. i am losing my mind, when did i turn into this woman cause i was never like this before. oh well you can all call me an idiot right about now, its okay.

04-05-2009, 08:37 AM	#5
offplanet Offline Silver Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 358	I'm not young either, so I hope you don't mind my input! You haven't said anything good about this relationship, so I guess you're still in it because you can't bring yourself to be alone, whereas rationally you know it'd be a good idea. You'll have more self esteem if you take control of your life and end a relationship which is doing you more harm than good. I know it's scarey, and maybe being in an unsatisfactory relationship seems better than being lonely. I've been there many times, but no more! Believe me, I know what you're going through, and I hope you have the courage to get out of it now, with your dignity still intact. All the best offplanet