to love someone else, you need to love yourself

noneStar · 03-12-2009, 09:12 PM

isn't that the old saying? is that really true?

what if you hate everything about yourself? how can you change that?

if you know everything about yourself, know all of your faults, blemishes and failures, know that you're totally crap at everything you ever wanted to be good at, know that the world has always shunned you...how can you love yourself?

i just don't get it.

waveseer · 03-12-2009, 09:15 PM

I am more than my accomplishments (or failures). I am.

I love myself just because I am.

I love you just because you are.

HeartGoesOn · 03-12-2009, 09:18 PM

How can you see the good in others, if you fail to see the good in yourself?

COtuner · 03-12-2009, 09:19 PM

I do believe this is true, but I don't know if you can really reach that point until you've lived a bit of life. I don't think I reached that point until my mid-30s, really and truly. I still have some issues with myself, but for the most part I am ok with who I am and it makes me better equipped to open up to others.

I think part of the reasoning behind this is that you no longer try so hard to be what the other person wants.

Binoo · 03-12-2009, 09:23 PM

I actually read a book about this last year and his points were really interesting and they make sense [ to me, anyway ].

He basically said that, no, you do not necessarily need to love yourself before loving someone else.
He explained that by loving someone [ and truly loving and caring ] you can learn to love yourself.
Basically, by loving someone else, you would want to be a better person for them and eventually improve the way you think, feel, act etc.

Does that make any sense?

COtuner · 03-12-2009, 09:31 PM

Binoo- did he address how that could lead to codependency for some people? I'm curious ... (I think my BF is like that)

Binoo · 03-12-2009, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by COtuner

Binoo- did he address how that could lead to codependency for some people? I'm curious ... (I think my BF is like that)

Gosh, I wish I could remember. It certainly could though! But hopefully by the time it's all said and done, you'll reserve some sort of self validation for all the improvement you've made.

livinginsbi · 03-12-2009, 09:51 PM

another spin I've heard and believe... if you can't love who you are, then how can anyone else?

we all have faults and flaws... stuff that we really don't want to be... a starting point, take what you feel is your worse flaw and change it, only you can make that assesment and make that change. And sometimes... we have to move to the acceptance of what we view as our flaws.. if you can't change it, then learn to live with it, maybe even use it to your advantage.

Keyman · 03-12-2009, 09:52 PM

I'm done with people telling me how I should act, how I should be. I'm sick of running around trying to be what everyone expect... even my ex...

I'm not going to change parts of me that I actually feel are okay, because they don't suit what you want, what you think or don't fit exactly into your values.

I actually rather like being me, with all my quirks.

Sure I have some behaviours which are not always the best, and I have identified these are are working on them, but this is for my own personal development, not because anyone says they are wrong.

I love being me, who I am, what I am and the part that I play in the universe.

Nuff Said.

dreamwarrior · 03-12-2009, 09:59 PM

No Binoo that doesn't make any sense...loving yourself doesn't come from others. I 100% believe you cannot love someone else until you truly love yourself. Believe me I am not going to trust my life and future to someone elses hands.

Perhaps another person can ADD to the happiness to your life, but noone knows whats better for you than yourself!

03-12-2009, 09:12 PM	#1
noneStar Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 160	to love someone else, you need to love yourself isn't that the old saying? is that really true? what if you hate everything about yourself? how can you change that? if you know everything about yourself, know all of your faults, blemishes and failures, know that you're totally crap at everything you ever wanted to be good at, know that the world has always shunned you...how can you love yourself? i just don't get it.

03-12-2009, 09:15 PM	#2
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,062	I am more than my accomplishments (or failures). I am. I love myself just because I am. I love you just because you are. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

03-12-2009, 09:18 PM	#3
HeartGoesOn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Massachusetts Gender: Female Posts: 2,659	How can you see the good in others, if you fail to see the good in yourself? __________________ ~ Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance... I hope you dance. ~

03-12-2009, 09:51 PM	#8
livinginsbi Online Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: oHIo Gender: Female Age: 47 Posts: 1,306	another spin I've heard and believe... if you can't love who you are, then how can anyone else? we all have faults and flaws... stuff that we really don't want to be... a starting point, take what you feel is your worse flaw and change it, only you can make that assesment and make that change. And sometimes... we have to move to the acceptance of what we view as our flaws.. if you can't change it, then learn to live with it, maybe even use it to your advantage. __________________ << Best QB in the NFL! Colts 9-0.... First of all.. thank you Bill for being the greedy ass you are and going for it on 4th down! lol... You gave Peyton all the opportunity he needed! GO COLTS! I'm not bi... not that there's anything wrong with that..

03-12-2009, 09:59 PM	#10
dreamwarrior Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Somewhere In Time Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 1,791	No Binoo that doesn't make any sense...loving yourself doesn't come from others. I 100% believe you cannot love someone else until you truly love yourself. Believe me I am not going to trust my life and future to someone elses hands. Perhaps another person can ADD to the happiness to your life, but noone knows whats better for you than yourself! __________________ "If you can't do better for me than what I am doing for myself don't waste my time or yours". ~dreamwarrior~ <--------------My Son The only limitations in life are the ones in your mind. ~dreamwarrior~

03-12-2009, 09:19 PM	#4
COtuner Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 4,102	I do believe this is true, but I don't know if you can really reach that point until you've lived a bit of life. I don't think I reached that point until my mid-30s, really and truly. I still have some issues with myself, but for the most part I am ok with who I am and it makes me better equipped to open up to others. I think part of the reasoning behind this is that you no longer try so hard to be what the other person wants.

03-12-2009, 09:23 PM	#5
Binoo Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 525	I actually read a book about this last year and his points were really interesting and they make sense [ to me, anyway ]. He basically said that, no, you do not necessarily need to love yourself before loving someone else. He explained that by loving someone [ and truly loving and caring ] you can learn to love yourself. Basically, by loving someone else, you would want to be a better person for them and eventually improve the way you think, feel, act etc. Does that make any sense?

03-12-2009, 09:31 PM	#6
COtuner Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 4,102	Binoo- did he address how that could lead to codependency for some people? I'm curious ... (I think my BF is like that)

03-12-2009, 09:52 PM	#9
Keyman Offline Gold Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Brisbane, Australia Gender: Male Age: 38 Posts: 971	I'm done with people telling me how I should act, how I should be. I'm sick of running around trying to be what everyone expect... even my ex... I'm not going to change parts of me that I actually feel are okay, because they don't suit what you want, what you think or don't fit exactly into your values. I actually rather like being me, with all my quirks. Sure I have some behaviours which are not always the best, and I have identified these are are working on them, but this is for my own personal development, not because anyone says they are wrong. I love being me, who I am, what I am and the part that I play in the universe. Nuff Said.