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Thread: i dont know what to do, my girlfriend wont touch me.

  1. #1
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    i dont know what to do, my girlfriend wont touch me.

    Okay for starters, i know that relationships are not based soulfully on sex, yet i do feel that sex is important in a relationship.
    I've been going out with my girlfriend for over a year now, and she will not touch me. When i try to kiss her she starts laughing or pushes me off of her. 90% of the time, when i try to make a move on her, she stops me. It makes me feel inadequite. I don't know what to do anymore. The only time she lets me kiss her, is when i am inside her. She has only let me go down on her for the second time two weeks ago. I am very much attracted to her, and she has told me that she is attracted to me, however, it makes me wonder if it is really true since she will not touch me, not under any circumstance.
    I have taken people's advice and tried talking to her about it. It gets me no where. I dont want to pressure her into doing anything but at the same time, i kind of do because it isnt going anywhere.
    I have never had a problem like this before. I have never had anyone that i have been romantically entangled with, not try to make a move on me.
    I'm not saying i want her to jump on me <removed> out of me 24 hours a day. i would just like to know that she is attracted to me. she has never told me i look attractive or that she wants to touch me.
    i know she has gone through alot as a child, and i have tried to get her to work through it because it is hindering her, but she refuses, saying "it doesnt bother me and i am fine."
    i dont know what to do. i am at the end of my ropes.
    Last edited by avman; 03-07-2009 at 10:23 PM. Reason: Language

  2. #2
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    how are you "inside her" if you are a female?? I don't get it

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    ...fingers or strap on....

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    Silver Member thistime's Avatar
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    you mentioned something happened to her as a child. Could her inability to be physical with you stem from a shame about her body, or sex? Maybe she feels very vulnerable when intimate, and cannot let her guard down. Even tho she says she is fine, if there is sexual abuse in her past, that could definately be blocking her ability to have an active sex life with you. Also, do you know for sure she is lesbian? i had a friend that had a girlfriend who really wasnt sure she wanted to be with another woman, and it created alot of problems between them.

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    yeah, she was sexually abused quite a bit as a child and she refuses to work through it. she has let me have sex with her many times. she just really doesnt kiss, do foreplay, or touch me whatsoever.... i have wondered about her sexuality but she says she is gay. she has been dating women and only women for 5 years now. and has really never had sex with any of them. now mind you when i say never has sex, i mean they do her but she wont do them...

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    yes and no.... i have heard like 50 different reasons when she doesnt shut down.
    i have heard it is because of my sexual abuse, i have heard im afraid ill be bad, ive heard i dont know what to do, ive heard my ex said i was bad, im tired, what if im bad and you break up with me, why is it such a big deal to you, i was going to but you brought it up and i was afraid youd think that was the only reason i did it... etc

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    you need to tell her that she has to work through it. you said that she lets You have sex with her...so i'm assuming that the sexual abuse from the past doesn't put to much a role on this problem. but if she was forced to touch other ppl,that may cause a problem for now. but if you two really care for each other....it should be brought up and talked about how you feel inadequate when she doesn't want to touch you...sex isnt the main part of relationships,but it is a very intimate...thing that bonds two ppl together... just you get to know the person more,so yeah. Let her know how important it is to you that ya'll work through it.

  9. #8
    Silver Member thistime's Avatar
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    another question, and please dont take offense to this, but my friend had a similar situation with her partner, and when her gf was asked about not reciprocating, she indicated that she felt more like the 'woman' in the relationship, and her partner as the 'man'. could your gf possibly be thinking that? Thinking that you dont need the physical attention/affection? or perhaps she is selfish...like to receive, but not give...has she ever verbilized that she is not comfortable with some of the sexual activities you wish to engage in?

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    no, i dont find it offensive whatsoever. she has never said she felt like that per se. she basically just verbalizes that she is afraid to. then she says she is going to work on it and never does. i am the dominant figure in the relationship, and more masculine than she is, though. she expects me to do everything for her in almost every sense, and i am willing to. unfortunately, she does not show me it back. i dont view her as selfish, more as though she doesnt seem to understand how the world works. how you need to give and receive. she views the world as it should give to her, and if i bring these subjects up she either gets extremely defensive or horribly depressed as if i am attacking her or trying to tear her down. i would never do either. idk, she is extremely emotionally immature.

  11. #10
    Member chocolatemilk's Avatar
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    sounds more like a not gay situation to me but either way I wouldn't get stuck with someone who doesn't seem to understand what it is to be in a relationship and what? you have been dating her for a whole year and not once have been reciprocated? yikes.

    If you really really like her it might be time for you to tell her to go to a sex therapist if she wants the relationship to continue.

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