A Successful Failure

Takingoff · 03-06-2009, 12:28 PM

I posted here back in December, when I told an ex (who had been kind of messing with my head for five weeks) that I couldn't see her anymore. My plan was to get her to finally confront her feelings for me instead of perpetuating a bunch of hot and cold nonsense. Instead, she cut me out completely, and continued to avoid any real issues by pretending nothing happened. Either that, or she really didn't care about me anymore and had simply been pretending to (to placate her own guilt, perhaps?). In either situation, no contact turned out to be very beneficial for me. It hurt quite a lot at first. I still held hope that we could somehow work it out in time. Then I abandoned that notion and was bitter about the whole thing for a while.
Honestly, I think if you're where I was a few months ago, you can't really listen to reason. I couldn't be talked out of anything. I was convinced that it could all work out, even though people insisted I could not be objective during such an emotional time. They were right because now things seem a lot clearer. I'm able to see her as who she was and the person she is now. People change. It sucks, and it hurts, but people often times turn out to be someone other than they appeared to be.
So for whatever my advice is worth, if you're going through the whole I-need-to-get-back-with-this-person-right-now, take some time away from the situation. Step back and give yourself time to heal. It's hard to do, especially when you've invested so much.
Give yourself time. I went on a date just a couple of weeks after I began no contact with the ex, and it sucked. It was way too soon, and I wasn't the least bit interested in the person. I was on another date not too long ago, however, and it went great. I'm actually excited about someone.
I admittedly still think about the ex, even though I've come to realize that she has a lot of issues that she should (but evidently won't) resolve. I've moved on more than ever, and I'm actually thinking about a new girl.
Just some messy thoughts from my less-than-messy brain late this morning. Good luck to the lot of you.

Ac143 · 03-06-2009, 12:40 PM

Ahh this is great to hear! Im sooo happy you went NC & started healing. Good for you!

It is soooo hard to see this when you first get out of the relationship & so painful but once you step back & clear your head...things start to fell into place. Good Advice!!

03-06-2009, 12:28 PM	#1
Takingoff Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 13	A Successful Failure I posted here back in December, when I told an ex (who had been kind of messing with my head for five weeks) that I couldn't see her anymore. My plan was to get her to finally confront her feelings for me instead of perpetuating a bunch of hot and cold nonsense. Instead, she cut me out completely, and continued to avoid any real issues by pretending nothing happened. Either that, or she really didn't care about me anymore and had simply been pretending to (to placate her own guilt, perhaps?). In either situation, no contact turned out to be very beneficial for me. It hurt quite a lot at first. I still held hope that we could somehow work it out in time. Then I abandoned that notion and was bitter about the whole thing for a while. Honestly, I think if you're where I was a few months ago, you can't really listen to reason. I couldn't be talked out of anything. I was convinced that it could all work out, even though people insisted I could not be objective during such an emotional time. They were right because now things seem a lot clearer. I'm able to see her as who she was and the person she is now. People change. It sucks, and it hurts, but people often times turn out to be someone other than they appeared to be. So for whatever my advice is worth, if you're going through the whole I-need-to-get-back-with-this-person-right-now, take some time away from the situation. Step back and give yourself time to heal. It's hard to do, especially when you've invested so much. Give yourself time. I went on a date just a couple of weeks after I began no contact with the ex, and it sucked. It was way too soon, and I wasn't the least bit interested in the person. I was on another date not too long ago, however, and it went great. I'm actually excited about someone. I admittedly still think about the ex, even though I've come to realize that she has a lot of issues that she should (but evidently won't) resolve. I've moved on more than ever, and I'm actually thinking about a new girl. Just some messy thoughts from my less-than-messy brain late this morning. Good luck to the lot of you.

03-06-2009, 12:40 PM	#2
Ac143 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Paradise city.... Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 2,274	Ahh this is great to hear! Im sooo happy you went NC & started healing. Good for you! It is soooo hard to see this when you first get out of the relationship & so painful but once you step back & clear your head...things start to fell into place. Good Advice!! __________________ Soon to be Mrs... on 6/6/09 & I cannot wait :) We did it!!.......