sexual life dead

[henryfirst]

My wife and I don't have a sex life anymore. She says its ok, she's satisfied with sex once every 2 or 3 months. Masturbating isn't doing it for me either.
What do you think I should do?
I think she's become less attracted to me after so many years of marriage. And so have I to a certian extent even though she looks really good.
When I was a teenager, an old man told me ''even if you marry the sexiest woman on planet earth, after a few years, the sexual attraction will fade and then die, and then you will start to look for something else.'' I laughed at him then. Can this be true? Do years kill the sexual attraction even if one is married to a sex symbol?

[Moz]

Originally Posted by henryfirst

My wife and I don't have a sex life anymore. She says its ok, she's satisfied with sex once every 2 or 3 months. Masturbating isn't doing it for me either.
What do you think I should do?
I think she's become less attracted to me after so many years of marriage. And so have I to a certian extent even though she looks really good.
When I was a teenager, an old man told me ''even if you marry the sexiest woman on planet earth, after a few years, the sexual attraction will fade and then die, and then you will start to look for something else.'' I laughed at him then. Can this be true? Do years kill the sexual attraction even if one is married to a sex symbol?

You say you don't have a sex life and then you say you have sex every 2 or 3 months, so you do have a sex life of sorts. If your wife is happy and you are not I'd talk to her man, tell her how you feel and explain your insecurities to her. There may be good and valid reasons as to why the sex has dropped off. But talk to her and keep talking and you'll get to the bottom of it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Perhaps it is now time to put the spice back into things. Talk to her..maybe watch porn together...read some sex books with her to get some ideas...come up with fantasies the two of you can share. If you are not happy with the sex life, ultimately the marriage can suffer..talk to her and see if both of you can work on this.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

It shouldn't automatically be accepted that you'll have a bad sex life. That is like saying, after a few years of eating, you get sick of eating.

She could have hormone problems, or you both have neglected the sex and put other priorities first, or there is tension between you that is reducing the desire to have sex.

So you have to work thru the different possibilities as to why there is no sex, and you both need to recognize it is a priority and important to keeping the bond between a couple strong.

You need to tell her it is important to you, and ask if you can make it a goal to try for once a week (to get things rolling again), and if you can't, then it is time for a physical checkup and marriage counseling to determine why this is no longer active. Perhaps she has personal hangups about sex, or is so focused on kids or other things that she needs some counseling on her on to re-ignite her sex drive.

[BlueAfterglow08]

Try counselling or self help books. Try talking about how you can come to a compromise.

Sex is important to a healthy relationship. You can not be expected to live without it because it will cause arguments and drive you into resentment.

[Mousty]

You've only mentioned sex, so I think it would be helpful for you to compare and see if that's the only area that is affected.
Is she still playful and flirty? Does she give you random kisses? Does she still like to cuddle with you at night?

I would think if she stopped doing all of those things, she might be out of love for you rather than just not feeling sex.

[beejcee]

try courting your wife again. show her how and why you want her. go to couples counseling or a sex therapist. if you want to save your marriage, keep trying, or you will end up divorcing -- i speak from experience. good luck!

[spinstermanquee]

It's like seasons... sometimes you're hot, sometimes it's winter

After 16 years of marriage and 26 years since I first "sampled" him, I can say that there have been some dry spells, most particularly in the last 5 years as we enter our late forties/early fifties.

Each time, I've asked myself (and him) if there is a reason behind it, do I need to exercise more, change my hairdresser, wax or shave something? And each time in response, he's never had a complaint or said I should change my grooming. We both keep in good shape.

I was a bit worried b/c it's been a month but today he wanted to go to the beach to take care of a skin ailment and I jumped on the chance to go with him. When we got back we had to shower and then guess who exceeded the G-rating afterward?

So, howzabout asking her to go work out, skating, hot yoga, or offering her a massage? Nice long sweet massages that end in the inner thigh area are often an irresistable treat for us long-time married ladies.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

W

[AutumnBorn]

Originally Posted by henryfirst

My wife and I don't have a sex life anymore. She says its ok, she's satisfied with sex once every 2 or 3 months. Masturbating isn't doing it for me either.
What do you think I should do?
I think she's become less attracted to me after so many years of marriage. And so have I to a certian extent even though she looks really good.
When I was a teenager, an old man told me ''even if you marry the sexiest woman on planet earth, after a few years, the sexual attraction will fade and then die, and then you will start to look for something else.'' I laughed at him then. Can this be true? Do years kill the sexual attraction even if one is married to a sex symbol?

Do not take the advice to watch porn together. Trust me on this one. Women, in general, are turned off by porn. Try to get a woman who doesn't have much desire to watch it and she'll be disgusted by you and the porn. Forget that advice.

If she's in her late 30s or more, could be that she's having hormonal issues. She needs to see a good gynecologist. Also, if she was sexually molested or abused as a child, that often surfaces later in life with a lack of sexual desire.

Here's a real piece of advice: There are certain responses that all humans share - fight or flight/tickle/sexual. The tickle response and the sexual response are very closely related. I don't mean to tickle her feet and see if she gets turned on. I mean very, very soft touching/massage, with powder (not talc based, which can contribute to uterine cancer). By easing her into sex with this very seductive touch she may be more responsive. You can even try stroking her with an ostrich plume or other feather (maybe a feather duster). Start with her lying on her back and powder the front of her body. Have her roll over. When you get to her backside, you might let your fingers just brush against her private parts once in awhile. If she moves her legs or hips to accomodate you, she's very relaxed and turned on. Proceed from there...have fun with it. (I can get myself all misty eyed remembering my husband asking "feel like a powder?")

The only thing I miss about my ex (we were together many years) is the incredible sex. My co-workers tell me we can still have it (he's more than willing), but I just can't bring myself to do it with him. I just wish I could have the sex and pretend it's not with him, but I can't.