Building a life together?

allypally · 02-12-2009, 02:32 PM

I know there are no easy answers to this.

But, as I am in the process of resurrecting my relationship and rebuilding trust, how can one start building a life with their SO, when their SO doesn't do anything?

They have no suggestions, no get up and go. They want marriage etc, but they do nothing to get the relationship back onto an even footing.

How to influence them to help move the relationship forward in the right direction?

I'm at a loss here, other than giving an ultimatum in the nicest possible way.

FarthestEdge · 02-12-2009, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allypally

I know there are no easy answers to this.

But, as I am in the process of resurrecting my relationship and rebuilding trust, how can one start building a life with their SO, when their SO doesn't do anything?

They have no suggestions, no get up and go. They want marriage etc, but they do nothing to get the relationship back onto an even footing.

How to influence them to help move the relationship forward in the right direction?

I'm at a loss here, other than giving an ultimatum in the nicest possible way.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink....

Do you REALLY want to REbuild a relationship with someone who isn't as invested as you are in making that happen?

Do you really WANT to be in a relationship with someone who lets you do all the emotional heavy lifting?

Is there really a future with anyone who is just "along for the ride" and says the words you want to hear but whose actions do not bear that out?

IMO a future together is built on having similar dreams, goals and the plans to achieve them. If you are with someone who is waiting for everything to land at their feet, then they are an anchor tied around yours.

I think you need to reassess WHY you want to rebuild this relationship.

Binoo · 02-12-2009, 03:08 PM

^ Agreed.

You deserve someone who is passionate about you. I've been in so many relationships where I've been left to do all the work whether it's emotional, financial, etcetera.
You will burn out and you'll probably end up leaving the relationship very resentful.

allypally · 02-13-2009, 05:26 AM

I already feel resentful - he keeps baulking at the idea of marriage now when I mention it.

He is very self-centred and selfish.

I have made a MASSIVE compromise by deciding on staying in my country to make the relationship work - however, when I see the lack of proactiveness on his part to make my life easier, I become more resentful.

I have been through the hardest time of my life - never been so stressed and upset - yet he bangs on about his day at work - who cares??? Work is the least of my worries - its never easy - but he always talks about himself.

02-12-2009, 02:32 PM	#1
allypally Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,045	Building a life together? I know there are no easy answers to this. But, as I am in the process of resurrecting my relationship and rebuilding trust, how can one start building a life with their SO, when their SO doesn't do anything? They have no suggestions, no get up and go. They want marriage etc, but they do nothing to get the relationship back onto an even footing. How to influence them to help move the relationship forward in the right direction? I'm at a loss here, other than giving an ultimatum in the nicest possible way.

02-12-2009, 03:08 PM	#3
Binoo Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Gender: None Specified Posts: 525	^ Agreed. You deserve someone who is passionate about you. I've been in so many relationships where I've been left to do all the work whether it's emotional, financial, etcetera. You will burn out and you'll probably end up leaving the relationship very resentful.

02-13-2009, 05:26 AM	#4
allypally Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,045	I already feel resentful - he keeps baulking at the idea of marriage now when I mention it. He is very self-centred and selfish. I have made a MASSIVE compromise by deciding on staying in my country to make the relationship work - however, when I see the lack of proactiveness on his part to make my life easier, I become more resentful. I have been through the hardest time of my life - never been so stressed and upset - yet he bangs on about his day at work - who cares??? Work is the least of my worries - its never easy - but he always talks about himself.