We have a roommate and it's making me crazy

notsoanonymous · 02-12-2009, 01:10 PM

I was debating on where to put this post, but I figured this was the best column because I am in a LTR with my boyfriend - I think that makes a difference in our situation.

Back in October, I lost my job. At the time, he was not living here at our home (we bought together in March last year) because we were in the process of working things out and getting back together after a short break. Due to the job loss, I put out an ad and got a female roomie who moved in Nov 1. My BF moved back in Nov 15ish.

Since he has moved back in, we have tried hard to work on our relationship but there are a number of stressful issues right in our face, mainly the financial one of my not being able to find work. For that reason, our roommate is necessary to our monthly income.

Our roomie really doesn't have a sense of boundaries. For example, last night he and I were discussing a trip we may take with some friends who are parents of small kids, and she got involved and began saying how she couldn't believe that we would want to go on a trip with kids there (mind you, its to Disneyworld...uhhhh that is a kids thing!?). Things like this happen a lot - She has a lot of unnecessary input into our lives simply by proximity.

My BF is so afraid of upsetting her (and losing the income she gives us towards our mortgage) that he is trying to act like this isn't an issue. I feel like I am living in a bad episode of Three's Company - and it's taking a HUGE toll on my relationship and our ability to work on things. I also find it to be a bad thing that the entire time since we got back together, we have had a roommie and haven't lived together alone again, with the privacy and life we had before.

I feel like I am a ticking time bomb that is going to explode - last night after that trip conversation I tried to get him to go on a walk with me, which he didn't want to do because it was cold (I just wanted to talk to him alone without her there!) When he finally agreed I was so upset that I ended up walking back home, taking a shower and crying about things until he found me upset...

I don't know what to do. I don't feel like we are going to make it unless this situation gets better soon....

purpleduckie · 02-12-2009, 01:18 PM

i dont think the roommie is the reason. instead, i think that you take her comments way too far/personally and that's what you're taking your anger out on. i have a roommate who loves to say stupid things. i just ignore her and give her the "i cant believe you just said that" look.

notsoanonymous · 02-12-2009, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purpleduckie

i dont think the roommie is the reason. instead, i think that you take her comments way too far/personally and that's what you're taking your anger out on. i have a roommate who loves to say stupid things. i just ignore her and give her the "i cant believe you just said that" look.

I'm 27 and have successfully had roommates in past situations. The issue for me here is that I am trying to work on a relationship with the guy I love with absolutely no privacy in my own home. I need to get some advice on how to handle and manage that in a productive way.

hockeyboy · 02-12-2009, 01:35 PM

unless you and your bf were having that convo in your bedroom and she kicked the door in and made those comments, i don't really see what the big deal is. doesn't sound like a very offensive/outlandish comment....

hockeyboy · 02-12-2009, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notsoanonymous

I'm 27 and have successfully had roommates in past situations. The issue for me here is that I am trying to work on a relationship with the guy I love with absolutely no privacy in my own home. I need to get some advice on how to handle and manage that in a productive way.

how big is the place? you have your own room i assume? she's single...does she go out on weekends and leave you two alone in the place? if not, perhaps ask her if she doesn't mind once in a while...

notsoanonymous · 02-12-2009, 01:41 PM

Its not that she is making offensive comments. I guess I should be more clear. Its that she is always *there* always interjecting into our conversations. She is home 100% of the time she is not at work and all weekend, every weekend.

The house is quite large. She has a huge bedroom which she only sleeps in. She sits in our main living space until she goes to bed, which is after we do each night...

You know as I am typing this I am realizing I just really miss my privacy and need to talk to her about it I guess...

alli · 02-12-2009, 02:26 PM

Is she on the lease? Why don't you look for a new roommate to take over her share after the lease is up. Be picky; interview people & look for the most non-intrusive person you can find.

This girl probably has no idea she is being such a problem for you. She pays her rent & has every right to sit in the living room when she wants. So she's not in school & doesn't have a job? How does she pay you her rent?

notsoanonymous · 02-12-2009, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alli

Is she on the lease? Why don't you look for a new roommate to take over her share after the lease is up. Be picky; interview people & look for the most non-intrusive person you can find.

This girl probably has no idea she is being such a problem for you. She pays her rent & has every right to sit in the living room when she wants. So she's not in school & doesn't have a job? How does she pay you her rent?

We own the house, there is no lease. She has a month to month rental agreement and we also do have a friendship. I'm trying to walk a pretty fine line considering we need her income in order to afford our mortgage while I am looking for work.

02-12-2009, 01:10 PM	#1
notsoanonymous Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Seattle-Ish Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 352	We have a roommate and it's making me crazy I was debating on where to put this post, but I figured this was the best column because I am in a LTR with my boyfriend - I think that makes a difference in our situation. Back in October, I lost my job. At the time, he was not living here at our home (we bought together in March last year) because we were in the process of working things out and getting back together after a short break. Due to the job loss, I put out an ad and got a female roomie who moved in Nov 1. My BF moved back in Nov 15ish. Since he has moved back in, we have tried hard to work on our relationship but there are a number of stressful issues right in our face, mainly the financial one of my not being able to find work. For that reason, our roommate is necessary to our monthly income. Our roomie really doesn't have a sense of boundaries. For example, last night he and I were discussing a trip we may take with some friends who are parents of small kids, and she got involved and began saying how she couldn't believe that we would want to go on a trip with kids there (mind you, its to Disneyworld...uhhhh that is a kids thing!?). Things like this happen a lot - She has a lot of unnecessary input into our lives simply by proximity. My BF is so afraid of upsetting her (and losing the income she gives us towards our mortgage) that he is trying to act like this isn't an issue. I feel like I am living in a bad episode of Three's Company - and it's taking a HUGE toll on my relationship and our ability to work on things. I also find it to be a bad thing that the entire time since we got back together, we have had a roommie and haven't lived together alone again, with the privacy and life we had before. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb that is going to explode - last night after that trip conversation I tried to get him to go on a walk with me, which he didn't want to do because it was cold (I just wanted to talk to him alone without her there!) When he finally agreed I was so upset that I ended up walking back home, taking a shower and crying about things until he found me upset... I don't know what to do. I don't feel like we are going to make it unless this situation gets better soon.... __________________ but if life stayed the way it was - and lovers never fell out of love if memories didn't last so long - if nobody did nobody wrong if we knew what we had before it was gone and if every road led back home this would be the very last country song

02-12-2009, 01:35 PM	#4
hockeyboy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: New England Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 2,963	unless you and your bf were having that convo in your bedroom and she kicked the door in and made those comments, i don't really see what the big deal is. doesn't sound like a very offensive/outlandish comment.... __________________ "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

02-12-2009, 01:41 PM	#6
notsoanonymous Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Seattle-Ish Gender: Female Age: 28 Posts: 352	Its not that she is making offensive comments. I guess I should be more clear. Its that she is always there always interjecting into our conversations. She is home 100% of the time she is not at work and all weekend, every weekend. The house is quite large. She has a huge bedroom which she only sleeps in. She sits in our main living space until she goes to bed, which is after we do each night... You know as I am typing this I am realizing I just really miss my privacy and need to talk to her about it I guess... __________________ but if life stayed the way it was - and lovers never fell out of love if memories didn't last so long - if nobody did nobody wrong if we knew what we had before it was gone and if every road led back home this would be the very last country song

02-12-2009, 01:18 PM	#2
purpleduckie Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 1,309	i dont think the roommie is the reason. instead, i think that you take her comments way too far/personally and that's what you're taking your anger out on. i have a roommate who loves to say stupid things. i just ignore her and give her the "i cant believe you just said that" look.

02-12-2009, 02:26 PM	#7
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 2,364	Is she on the lease? Why don't you look for a new roommate to take over her share after the lease is up. Be picky; interview people & look for the most non-intrusive person you can find. This girl probably has no idea she is being such a problem for you. She pays her rent & has every right to sit in the living room when she wants. So she's not in school & doesn't have a job? How does she pay you her rent?