Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6

    Girlfriend cheated on me, turned on but also degraded

    My girlfriend cheated on me, and she greatly regrets it now. She was feeling unwanted by me, somewhat understandably so.

    However now, I find I get turned on by the idea, but I also feel really bad about it later on.

    She doesn't like that I think about it as a turn on either. I think part of the reason why I found it a turn on is that I always wanted her to act more "sl-tty" in bed, and to me, what she did is sort of like a fantasy, except the fantasy happened to someone else, which makes me feel terrible. I never had fantasies like this before - certainly of "* * * * ty" girls, but not of my girlfriend with someone else.

    I broke up with her, because I didn't want to feel so bad anymore, but she wants me back.

  2.  

  3. #2

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,936
    Gender
    Female
    well, I think many men get turned on by this idea. So don't feel bad about it. I don't know what the purpose of your post is and what it is you want to ask us. If you are wondering about getting back to her, it all depends on you, if you can trust her again and that you love her enough so that you forget what she did getting back together would not hurt right?

  4. #3
    Platinum Member midnightrambler's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    4,348
    Gender
    Male
    get her back for one good hump and then cut her loose

  5. #4
    Bronze Member ♂(~Radίaηce~)♀'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    elsewhere
    Posts
    257
    Gender
    Female
    wow...i dissagree with cheating, but i do believe "if you're not with someone who fulfills your needs, be with the person who will." So if you are saying you can understand her point of feeling unwanted, why not take her back? I'm not saying what she did wasn't wrong. It WAS! But can you move past that? maybe make her feel more wanted??
    "There are plenty of fish in the sea, but i'm Jewish...so WHERE the Kosher ones at!?"

    One day I'll tell you. I will, when I'm ready.

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    373
    Nah, you don't want her back. She was a girlfriend not a wife. Find someone who won't cheat on you. Maybe it was a turn on because you knew she wasn't the one. I any case dump her.

    How did you find out she cheated?

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    6
    Actually my main reason for posting is about how to stop getting turned on by what happened. I do find that getting angry at her, or rather, not being sympathetic to her apologies and so on works. It's when she cries and gets on my emotional side, where I let her back in, if we had sex, I would start thinking about what happened. That is one of the main reasons I put an end to it.

    I found out because she told me. Technically we were taking a break from our relationship, and we said we could see other people. However, we never actually took a break, we saw each other all the time, which is why I wanted to take a break. She was suffocating me, and started to not want to have sex as often, eventually she felt pretty unattractive to me and it hurt her self-esteem quite a bit.

    Worriedgirl - I do know that lots of men get turned on by the idea, but I really don't like it. Or at least, I would rather like it strictly as a fantasy, not thinking about what happened, which was quite hurtful to me.


    Thank you for your replies.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Age
    29
    Posts
    9,436
    Gender
    Female
    I think it's totally understandable to have a fantasy but not be happy when it actually happens. That is to say, the idea of someone being a bit dangerous is great and can be a turn-on, but only if it remains the fantasy and its carried out in a loving environment, not when it is actually acted out in reality. I think it's similar to when people fantasize about rough sex and play it out...it's only enjoyable because the two people are partaking in the fantasy and because no one is actually getting hurt.
    "When I fall in love, I take my time." - Jason Mraz
    "Can't sing but I've got soul." - U2

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,574
    The fantasy is the turn-on, but the reality is that there's no trust or respect in a cheating relationship. You've seen that the lack of trust and respect hurts more than the fantasy turns you on, and made the right decision. Don't undo it.

  •  

  • Related Articles & Books
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
     

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •  

    Expert Advice

    Online
    Call
    $3/minute
    Feeling pain, anger, humiliation, guilt? Let me help you as you go through the emotions of infidelity. I'll listen and lend support.
    Online
    CallChat
    $1.75/minute
    25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Call Now and Feel Better. Compassionate, caring, sound advice. "I felt so much better after talking to Robert" "Very wise and helpful."
    Online
    CallChat
    $2.85/minute
    Trying to cope with your partners or your own infidelity? Wondering what to do? Confused and need clarity? I can help you.
    Online
    Chat
    $2.79/minute
    Licensed Counselor and Therapist. 28 yrs working with individuals/ families. 8yrs online. Fast typist. Empathic insight. Effective tools.
    Online
    Call
    $2.15/minute
    Marriage or partnership can be destroyed by adultery.Adultery can be addictions, pornography, emotional, physical.It takes support and professional help.Here to HELP!