If you were a conservative catholic or protestant parent ..

Nkaleidoscopic · 02-01-2009, 07:14 AM

would you want to know if your kid was atheist? Would it be better for you if they just never told you? If they did tell you, would you flip out? Be honest.

FortunateOne · 02-01-2009, 07:38 AM

Yes... I'd rather have an honestly open relationship than a falsely shallow one. I'd accept, love and respect him/her for the person they are as long as they reciprocate the same.

Nkaleidoscopic · 02-01-2009, 08:12 AM

well , you sound alot nicer than my parents. I am getting married soon. It has just made me think weather its better to be honest about it or just pretend the whole way through.

once again, you sound alot nicer, and it's probably not indicative of what my experience will be if I 'come out'

BeStrongBeHappy · 02-01-2009, 08:23 AM

Lots of people go ahead and have church weddings even if they aren't religious, because of tradition. You can have the wedding in a church, but write your own vows, or have a portion of the ceremony be religious and write your own vows for the rest.

Or compromise by having a minister officiate at the wedding, but have the wedding somewhere else and have your own vows totally written by yourself.

A lot depends on what religion you are, and how rigid your parents are... some will flip out and never leave the person alone again, constantly pestering them about religion and trying to get them to come back to the church. Others will be upset at first, but respect their child's right to make their own decisions. And some may not be happy, but will take the news with love and acceptance and not force their opinions on the child.

So I'd think long and hard about how your parents will react, how rigid they are, how inflexible in their beliefs etc. Unless you OBJECT to a church wedding or having a minister/priest, then it might be easier to wed in the church if the parents will go nuts if you refuse, but it is your wedding and you have to decide which will be worse, the upheaval if you don't marry in a church, vs. the feelings of being upset marrying in a church you don't believe in.

And look at it this way, if you're an atheist and have no god you will offend by either choice, make the choice you think best all around, and then don't worry about it.

FortunateOne · 02-01-2009, 08:26 AM

Is there any way they can learn about tolerance of other faiths? Maybe through a third party they admire and respect?

agent · 02-01-2009, 09:00 AM

I probably wouldn't but if told I probably would flip out, but because I'd be hurt and scared for them (in accordance with beliefs held).

I guess it all comes down to how important it is for the parent to know this.

My parents are Catholic, and there's no way I'm telling them I'm not straight. They can guess and I think they have, but I have no interest in sitting them down and having that conversation. Somethings just don't need to be said.

ErikT · 02-01-2009, 09:45 AM

It all depends on your relationship with your parents. Only you really know how they would react.

I'm not too up on religion, but (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I am wrong!) but don't Catholics believe that if you don't accept God, then you are bound for Hell? Your parents may or may not have this believe, but maybe you could start the conversation with them asking the question, "What happens to people that do not believe the same things you do?" and then play out the rest of the conversation from there.

I do think that it is important for them to know, because deceit always has a way of catching up with people.

savignon · 02-01-2009, 09:46 AM

I personally wouldn't judge my child or hold their beliefs against them...but that's the irony of all religions. Most religions promote peace and non-judgement (God's the only judge, etc. etc.) and then most conflict, in families and in the world is about religion. If you don't believe what *they* believe, you're out! That's always been very ironic to me and difficult to understand. Religion is even such a touchy topic that a lot of threads are closed here because the judgement/opinions/who's right/etc. interferes with reasonalbe conversation. Best wishes to you no matter what you decide to do. My advice is to share your personal beliefs when you know that you will be accepted with love and compassion by the person/people you are sharing with, or that you can at least have a 'healty debate' and come out with no hurt feelings.

BeStrongBeHappy · 02-01-2009, 09:58 AM

I don't think that choosing not to tell the parents is deceit at all. As an adult you are entitled to think and do what you please.

You wouldn't call it deceit if you didn't tell your parents that last night you got a blow job and had anal sex with your wife if they are people who only approve of sex in the missionary position. They don't need to know every detail of your life and beliefs just because they are your parents.

What one does and doesn't tell parents is at the adult's discretion and is not deceit.

ErikT · 02-01-2009, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeStrongBeHappy

I don't think that choosing not to tell the parents is deceit at all. As an adult you are entitled to think and do what you please.

You wouldn't call it deceit if you didn't tell your parents that last night you got a blow job and had anal sex with your wife if they are people who only approve of sex in the missionary position. They don't need to know every detail of your life and beliefs just because they are your parents.

What one does and doesn't tell parents is at the adult's discretion and is not deceit.

IF the OP goes ahead and has a church wedding so as his parents do not find out that he is an atheist, then I would consider that deceit.

02-01-2009, 07:14 AM	#1
Nkaleidoscopic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: US Posts: 413	If you were a conservative catholic or protestant parent .. would you want to know if your kid was atheist? Would it be better for you if they just never told you? If they did tell you, would you flip out? Be honest. __________________ eNA is my personal therapist.

02-01-2009, 07:38 AM	#2
FortunateOne Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: SoCal., USA Gender: Male Posts: 1,540	Yes... I'd rather have an honestly open relationship than a falsely shallow one. I'd accept, love and respect him/her for the person they are as long as they reciprocate the same. __________________ <<--------- Thomas Kinkade "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."- Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)

02-01-2009, 08:12 AM	#3
Nkaleidoscopic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: US Posts: 413	well , you sound alot nicer than my parents. I am getting married soon. It has just made me think weather its better to be honest about it or just pretend the whole way through. once again, you sound alot nicer, and it's probably not indicative of what my experience will be if I 'come out' __________________ eNA is my personal therapist.

02-01-2009, 08:26 AM	#5
FortunateOne Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: SoCal., USA Gender: Male Posts: 1,540	Is there any way they can learn about tolerance of other faiths? Maybe through a third party they admire and respect? __________________ <<--------- Thomas Kinkade "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do."- Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)

02-01-2009, 09:00 AM	#6
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,890	I probably wouldn't but if told I probably would flip out, but because I'd be hurt and scared for them (in accordance with beliefs held). I guess it all comes down to how important it is for the parent to know this. My parents are Catholic, and there's no way I'm telling them I'm not straight. They can guess and I think they have, but I have no interest in sitting them down and having that conversation. Somethings just don't need to be said. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

02-01-2009, 08:23 AM	#4
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,415	Lots of people go ahead and have church weddings even if they aren't religious, because of tradition. You can have the wedding in a church, but write your own vows, or have a portion of the ceremony be religious and write your own vows for the rest. Or compromise by having a minister officiate at the wedding, but have the wedding somewhere else and have your own vows totally written by yourself. A lot depends on what religion you are, and how rigid your parents are... some will flip out and never leave the person alone again, constantly pestering them about religion and trying to get them to come back to the church. Others will be upset at first, but respect their child's right to make their own decisions. And some may not be happy, but will take the news with love and acceptance and not force their opinions on the child. So I'd think long and hard about how your parents will react, how rigid they are, how inflexible in their beliefs etc. Unless you OBJECT to a church wedding or having a minister/priest, then it might be easier to wed in the church if the parents will go nuts if you refuse, but it is your wedding and you have to decide which will be worse, the upheaval if you don't marry in a church, vs. the feelings of being upset marrying in a church you don't believe in. And look at it this way, if you're an atheist and have no god you will offend by either choice, make the choice you think best all around, and then don't worry about it.

02-01-2009, 09:45 AM	#7
ErikT Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 347	It all depends on your relationship with your parents. Only you really know how they would react. I'm not too up on religion, but (I'm sure I'll be corrected if I am wrong!) but don't Catholics believe that if you don't accept God, then you are bound for Hell? Your parents may or may not have this believe, but maybe you could start the conversation with them asking the question, "What happens to people that do not believe the same things you do?" and then play out the rest of the conversation from there. I do think that it is important for them to know, because deceit always has a way of catching up with people. __________________ Go Gators!

02-01-2009, 09:46 AM	#8
savignon Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 1,533	I personally wouldn't judge my child or hold their beliefs against them...but that's the irony of all religions. Most religions promote peace and non-judgement (God's the only judge, etc. etc.) and then most conflict, in families and in the world is about religion. If you don't believe what they believe, you're out! That's always been very ironic to me and difficult to understand. Religion is even such a touchy topic that a lot of threads are closed here because the judgement/opinions/who's right/etc. interferes with reasonalbe conversation. Best wishes to you no matter what you decide to do. My advice is to share your personal beliefs when you know that you will be accepted with love and compassion by the person/people you are sharing with, or that you can at least have a 'healty debate' and come out with no hurt feelings. __________________ "It'll all be okay in the end....so if it's not okay, it's not the end." -Unknown

02-01-2009, 09:58 AM	#9
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,415	I don't think that choosing not to tell the parents is deceit at all. As an adult you are entitled to think and do what you please. You wouldn't call it deceit if you didn't tell your parents that last night you got a blow job and had anal sex with your wife if they are people who only approve of sex in the missionary position. They don't need to know every detail of your life and beliefs just because they are your parents. What one does and doesn't tell parents is at the adult's discretion and is not deceit.