Should I hide my philosophical side to get girls?

Storm2166 · 01-29-2009, 01:03 AM

I've recently gotten into the game of attracting girls, trying to widen my social circle, get some experience with dating and possibly find someone for a good relationship. I've gotten a lot better as of late, but there is a nagging problem I've always had.

While I'm not religious, I am very spiritual and I have a strong philosophical side as well. Many girls I've talked to find this facinating, but while they say I am insightful and amazing, they stop showing signs of romantic and sexual intrest. While I never become a doormat "nice guy" who buys them things and listens to their problems constantly, I often end up as "just a friend".

My guy friends tell me to stick to humor and lighthearted banter. I do this well with most girls, but when a girl is also spiritually/philosophically inclined, I can't resist delving deeper and exploring their minds to see what they have to offer, as well as what I can offer them. It's a much more meaningful conversation to me, and I find this very attractive in women. But those same women often put me right into the "friend" catagory and go after the more sophomoric jokey types or the "badass" types.

What should I do. Should I resist this urge and simply stay light hearted at all times, or is there a way to modify they way I present a deep conversation to maintain a sexual/romantic/more than friends connection that will keep me from getting "let's just be friends"?

Day_Walker · 01-29-2009, 01:10 AM

Well if you are looking for a girl that you can be in a relationship with then you arent going to be able to hide this side of you. I think that you need to use this as a part of your weeding out process. You need to find a girl that is looking for a guy with your philosophical insights. I would use this an offensive measure rather than defensive. I would show off this quality and make it clear that you are looking for a girl that also is in touch with her philosophical/spiritual side.

Kinetics · 01-29-2009, 01:41 AM

Yeah I can be too philosophical at times...but I know I should lighten up and bring more of my humorous side.

Some of my girl friends already know I am like this though, and it's probably why they'd approach me when they got some problems in their lives.

I guess it just depends on how often the philosophical side comes out, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just be sure you don't give off the "I am Mr. serious" type of persona I suppose. I'm also working on it.

mr me · 01-29-2009, 02:18 AM

I think what happening is what happens alot. You want to meet someone that you like but then you end up meeting people that arent really people that things would end up working out with. This almost makes you want to try harder or change. Its really just when you are trying to make things happen that sometimes you try to hard or you dont let things happen so they work out the way they are supposed to be. I know that its not easy because i struggle with this as well but if this is something you really want to have it work out in your favor then thats the only real solution.

knightNshiningarmor · 01-29-2009, 02:32 AM

no matter what you do philosophical or humorous, what ever you have to keep with you some sort of sexual overtone to be sure to avoid the friend zone...also kino will help keep you out of there.

Nkaleidoscopic · 01-29-2009, 03:11 AM

I agree with the poster above. I don't mind talking about anything from Dogs to Gods but if the guy doesn't flirt I don't think about him alot.

dreamwarrior · 01-29-2009, 04:20 AM

lol...guess I am just the opposite...I am so over the flirting that one has been beat to death....when I was in my 20's and got the whole "your so beautiful" line...it started making me feel as though I was getting an allergic reaction to those words...at this stage in my life it would be so great to find a man who was spiritual and metaphysical...but don't get me wrong it's still nice to hear once in awhile how cute I am, but sometimes it's overdone to the point of sickening.

Heck I have had guys come to my door and start trying to feel me up before they even asked my name...yucko....these days he had better know what I am allergic to first before we rip each others clothes off.

So my advice to you is just be who you are continue what your doing...hey if you want a girl who is spiritual then you deserve it...it's your preference...and far as humor goes...just do the air guitar like one of my co-workers or lip sync and mimic the hand movements of songs by Robert Plant of Led Zeplin...one of my ex's from long ago used to do that...god that was the funniest thing I ever seen.

Crazyaboutdogs · 01-29-2009, 07:36 AM

I have always had the same problem with men...I am more into long talks about intellectual things and my humour tends to me more on the dry, intellectual side (although sometimes raunchy). I have always had trouble dating because the men were more interested in the giggly, silly, batting eyelashes, skanky-dressed, not so intelligent women who will guarantee them a good time between the sheets within the first couple of dates. It is very hard to find a like-minded man in a world where dating is really all about putting your intelligence on hold and reverting to school girl antics in order to attract someone. I don't think you should hide your philisophical side...you may not get a million dates, but the ones you will get will be of more substance and better quality.

BeStrongBeHappy · 01-29-2009, 09:08 AM

An intelligent, philosophical person is never going to be happy with an airhead.

If you are far more intelligent than most people, it will take you a while to weed thru people who aren't right for you because they don't 'get' you. Remember that intelligence is on a bell curve, so there are a whole lot of people who are 'average' and not a whole lot at the top of the range.

You may also find someone who is not on the same plane intellectually with you, but meshes with you so well in other ways you enjoy yourself.

So what you shoudl be looking for is someone who 'gets' you when you're being yourself. And try to spend time in places and at events where you are more likely to meet people with common interests, like universities and clubs that have shared interests with yours. Why not join something like Mensa?

la'isla · 01-29-2009, 05:07 PM

it's attractive to me. be yourself and be philosophical, but continue flirting to keep her interest

01-29-2009, 01:03 AM	#1
Storm2166 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 17	Should I hide my philosophical side to get girls? I've recently gotten into the game of attracting girls, trying to widen my social circle, get some experience with dating and possibly find someone for a good relationship. I've gotten a lot better as of late, but there is a nagging problem I've always had. While I'm not religious, I am very spiritual and I have a strong philosophical side as well. Many girls I've talked to find this facinating, but while they say I am insightful and amazing, they stop showing signs of romantic and sexual intrest. While I never become a doormat "nice guy" who buys them things and listens to their problems constantly, I often end up as "just a friend". My guy friends tell me to stick to humor and lighthearted banter. I do this well with most girls, but when a girl is also spiritually/philosophically inclined, I can't resist delving deeper and exploring their minds to see what they have to offer, as well as what I can offer them. It's a much more meaningful conversation to me, and I find this very attractive in women. But those same women often put me right into the "friend" catagory and go after the more sophomoric jokey types or the "badass" types. What should I do. Should I resist this urge and simply stay light hearted at all times, or is there a way to modify they way I present a deep conversation to maintain a sexual/romantic/more than friends connection that will keep me from getting "let's just be friends"?

01-29-2009, 01:10 AM	#2
Day_Walker Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: California Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 4,884	Well if you are looking for a girl that you can be in a relationship with then you arent going to be able to hide this side of you. I think that you need to use this as a part of your weeding out process. You need to find a girl that is looking for a guy with your philosophical insights. I would use this an offensive measure rather than defensive. I would show off this quality and make it clear that you are looking for a girl that also is in touch with her philosophical/spiritual side. __________________ "A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it the superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. But the tumult soon subsides. Time makes more converts than reason." Thomas Paine "The wise man questions others wisdom because he questions his own, the foolish man because it is different from his own." Leo Stein

01-29-2009, 02:32 AM	#5
knightNshiningarmor Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: inbetween Somewhere and Nowhere Gender: Male Posts: 1,128	no matter what you do philosophical or humorous, what ever you have to keep with you some sort of sexual overtone to be sure to avoid the friend zone...also kino will help keep you out of there. __________________ Utopia would be perfectly boring.

01-29-2009, 03:11 AM	#6
Nkaleidoscopic Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: US Posts: 413	I agree with the poster above. I don't mind talking about anything from Dogs to Gods but if the guy doesn't flirt I don't think about him alot. __________________ eNA is my personal therapist.

01-29-2009, 01:41 AM	#3
Kinetics Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 256	Yeah I can be too philosophical at times...but I know I should lighten up and bring more of my humorous side. Some of my girl friends already know I am like this though, and it's probably why they'd approach me when they got some problems in their lives. I guess it just depends on how often the philosophical side comes out, it's not necessarily a bad thing, just be sure you don't give off the "I am Mr. serious" type of persona I suppose. I'm also working on it.

01-29-2009, 02:18 AM	#4
mr me Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 851	I think what happening is what happens alot. You want to meet someone that you like but then you end up meeting people that arent really people that things would end up working out with. This almost makes you want to try harder or change. Its really just when you are trying to make things happen that sometimes you try to hard or you dont let things happen so they work out the way they are supposed to be. I know that its not easy because i struggle with this as well but if this is something you really want to have it work out in your favor then thats the only real solution.

01-29-2009, 04:20 AM	#7
dreamwarrior Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Somewhere In Time Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 1,791	lol...guess I am just the opposite...I am so over the flirting that one has been beat to death....when I was in my 20's and got the whole "your so beautiful" line...it started making me feel as though I was getting an allergic reaction to those words...at this stage in my life it would be so great to find a man who was spiritual and metaphysical...but don't get me wrong it's still nice to hear once in awhile how cute I am, but sometimes it's overdone to the point of sickening. Heck I have had guys come to my door and start trying to feel me up before they even asked my name...yucko....these days he had better know what I am allergic to first before we rip each others clothes off. So my advice to you is just be who you are continue what your doing...hey if you want a girl who is spiritual then you deserve it...it's your preference...and far as humor goes...just do the air guitar like one of my co-workers or lip sync and mimic the hand movements of songs by Robert Plant of Led Zeplin...one of my ex's from long ago used to do that...god that was the funniest thing I ever seen.

01-29-2009, 07:36 AM	#8
Crazyaboutdogs Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,631	I have always had the same problem with men...I am more into long talks about intellectual things and my humour tends to me more on the dry, intellectual side (although sometimes raunchy). I have always had trouble dating because the men were more interested in the giggly, silly, batting eyelashes, skanky-dressed, not so intelligent women who will guarantee them a good time between the sheets within the first couple of dates. It is very hard to find a like-minded man in a world where dating is really all about putting your intelligence on hold and reverting to school girl antics in order to attract someone. I don't think you should hide your philisophical side...you may not get a million dates, but the ones you will get will be of more substance and better quality.

01-29-2009, 09:08 AM	#9
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,417	An intelligent, philosophical person is never going to be happy with an airhead. If you are far more intelligent than most people, it will take you a while to weed thru people who aren't right for you because they don't 'get' you. Remember that intelligence is on a bell curve, so there are a whole lot of people who are 'average' and not a whole lot at the top of the range. You may also find someone who is not on the same plane intellectually with you, but meshes with you so well in other ways you enjoy yourself. So what you shoudl be looking for is someone who 'gets' you when you're being yourself. And try to spend time in places and at events where you are more likely to meet people with common interests, like universities and clubs that have shared interests with yours. Why not join something like Mensa?

01-29-2009, 05:07 PM	#10
la'isla Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Canadian Gender: Female Posts: 2,308	it's attractive to me. be yourself and be philosophical, but continue flirting to keep her interest