Early Midlife Crisis?

lostsoulmate · 01-28-2009, 05:18 PM

I live with my fiance of 2 years (we been together for 6) and our 4 year old daughter. We own a house, live a quite life. I have recently realized I am not happy! My entire family lives 14 hours by car away. He is an only child with only his father living. I want out, but I fear it will hurt my daughter.

Do I stay in this relationship? I want my daughter to know her aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents. I have asked him to move with me, he says no. He doesn't want to end up like me... Unhappy and alone.

Help!!
Background:
I moved 14 hours away from my family and friends running away from the "Ex" six years ago. He thought he got a girl pregnant (right before we met, one night stand). I was even there when his daughter was born. We were young and I wanted him to get a paternity test done. He wouldn't so I ran away. I couldn't love this child like my own only to find out she wasn't his (which she isn't, he only found out two years ago). So I left, he got with the baby's momma, they lived together for 6 months it didn't work out, but they were pregnant again. So now he has two children (the second one is his, he still claims his daughter and I don't blame him).

I met my fiance 3 months after moving here and we hit it off. Eight months later I found out I was pregnant (I remember telling my ex, we still stayed in touch occasionally, he told me his heart was broken). I decided to keep the baby and stay with my now fiance. We own a home, live a quite life.

Over the past two years my fiance and I have had some rough times. Feb '07 his 61 year old mother (he is an only child. They had him very late in their lives) had back surgery. She was to come home in 5 days she didn't wake up for 5 days and she didn't get out of the hospital for 16 weeks. Then she was still very sick at home. I get a new job April '07 as Advertising Director for large corporation. Two months go by and she is back in the hospital for open heart surgery July '07. She recovers and is doing well at home. Aug '07 I collapse at a race track north of where we live. I have to have surgery on my gall bladder, they say I am lucky to be alive. At the same time they tell me I am pregnant. YIKES! They do not want to wait to do surgery as my gall bladder is that bad. I say yes to the surgery, but ask about what it will do the the baby. They can not give me any answers because they usually don't do surgery during the 1st trimester. I end up terminating the pregnancy on Sept 11th '07. My fiance and I weren't sure what to do about the complications that could/would happen from the surgery. We made a decision, I am OK with it (some days). Things are as good as can be expected. We are making it through. So I thought. April '08 I go back home to see my little bro finally graduate from College. My crazy mother (More Background: My mother (who is was a drug addict) mentally and physically abused me and my bro until I turned 14 and my father got custody of us. I have seen and been around things and people "normal" people only see on TV) came with me on the 14 hour trip. She is abusing her meds and is passed out most of the time. It's better than her trying to get me to think I am crazy. Two weeks after the trip my mom calls me (she lives out on the east coast) and tells me she thinks I need to get home right now. Something bad in happening to my daughter (I had just left for my once a week "Girls night out"). I told her to shut up and left it at that. She called the next day and told me my fiance has "hit" on her (she has only been to my house 5 times in 6 years.) For six months I don't speak to her. She accused my fiance of doing "something" to my daughter and that he made sexual advances toward her. My great aunts passes away fall of '08 I decide to try and talk to my mother, realizing that life it too short. Nov 10th 2008, I go to my soon-to-be in-laws house to drop off my daughter, my soon-to-be mother-in-law is going to babysit for a few hours. I find her on the kitchen floor, barely breathing. I call 911. She doesn't make it. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW. WATCHING SOMEONE FIGHT FOR LIFE HAS CHANGED ME ON A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL! I try to carry on, for my fiance and his father, my daughter. I know this is not the right time to explain how much I want to move home and be closer to my family. I know it's not the right time to tell him, but going through his mother's passing only made me want my family more.

Fast forward to now: I had to go home (my step-mother almost bleed to death, my 83 year old grandpa is in the hospital (diabetes) and his wife, my grandma is being flown to a bigger town to have open heart surgery) over the New Year's holiday. I ended up at my ex's house. We talk and I realize I have let this lie I am living go on too long. I am horrible. Why didn't I end it sooner? I looked for the right time to talk to my fiance. Then as I was driving back to my charade I realized there would never be a "right" time.

I have talked with my fiance about not being happy. He told me he thinks we should just be happy where ever we are, I asked him to move. He said NO.

I know that right now is not the right time to move to another state, with the economy so bad. How do I make it through this time with my fiance. I am screwed up! I truly think I am having a early midlife crisis! Does anyone know what I mean!!!??????!!!!????!

HeartGoesOn · 01-28-2009, 05:34 PM

No offense, but you lost me...that story is hard to follow.

lostsoulmate · 01-28-2009, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn

No offense, but you lost me...that story is hard to follow.

Tell me about it I have lived it.

01-28-2009, 05:18 PM	#1
lostsoulmate Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 31	Early Midlife Crisis? I live with my fiance of 2 years (we been together for 6) and our 4 year old daughter. We own a house, live a quite life. I have recently realized I am not happy! My entire family lives 14 hours by car away. He is an only child with only his father living. I want out, but I fear it will hurt my daughter. Do I stay in this relationship? I want my daughter to know her aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents. I have asked him to move with me, he says no. He doesn't want to end up like me... Unhappy and alone. Help!! Background: I moved 14 hours away from my family and friends running away from the "Ex" six years ago. He thought he got a girl pregnant (right before we met, one night stand). I was even there when his daughter was born. We were young and I wanted him to get a paternity test done. He wouldn't so I ran away. I couldn't love this child like my own only to find out she wasn't his (which she isn't, he only found out two years ago). So I left, he got with the baby's momma, they lived together for 6 months it didn't work out, but they were pregnant again. So now he has two children (the second one is his, he still claims his daughter and I don't blame him). I met my fiance 3 months after moving here and we hit it off. Eight months later I found out I was pregnant (I remember telling my ex, we still stayed in touch occasionally, he told me his heart was broken). I decided to keep the baby and stay with my now fiance. We own a home, live a quite life. Over the past two years my fiance and I have had some rough times. Feb '07 his 61 year old mother (he is an only child. They had him very late in their lives) had back surgery. She was to come home in 5 days she didn't wake up for 5 days and she didn't get out of the hospital for 16 weeks. Then she was still very sick at home. I get a new job April '07 as Advertising Director for large corporation. Two months go by and she is back in the hospital for open heart surgery July '07. She recovers and is doing well at home. Aug '07 I collapse at a race track north of where we live. I have to have surgery on my gall bladder, they say I am lucky to be alive. At the same time they tell me I am pregnant. YIKES! They do not want to wait to do surgery as my gall bladder is that bad. I say yes to the surgery, but ask about what it will do the the baby. They can not give me any answers because they usually don't do surgery during the 1st trimester. I end up terminating the pregnancy on Sept 11th '07. My fiance and I weren't sure what to do about the complications that could/would happen from the surgery. We made a decision, I am OK with it (some days). Things are as good as can be expected. We are making it through. So I thought. April '08 I go back home to see my little bro finally graduate from College. My crazy mother (More Background: My mother (who is was a drug addict) mentally and physically abused me and my bro until I turned 14 and my father got custody of us. I have seen and been around things and people "normal" people only see on TV) came with me on the 14 hour trip. She is abusing her meds and is passed out most of the time. It's better than her trying to get me to think I am crazy. Two weeks after the trip my mom calls me (she lives out on the east coast) and tells me she thinks I need to get home right now. Something bad in happening to my daughter (I had just left for my once a week "Girls night out"). I told her to shut up and left it at that. She called the next day and told me my fiance has "hit" on her (she has only been to my house 5 times in 6 years.) For six months I don't speak to her. She accused my fiance of doing "something" to my daughter and that he made sexual advances toward her. My great aunts passes away fall of '08 I decide to try and talk to my mother, realizing that life it too short. Nov 10th 2008, I go to my soon-to-be in-laws house to drop off my daughter, my soon-to-be mother-in-law is going to babysit for a few hours. I find her on the kitchen floor, barely breathing. I call 911. She doesn't make it. WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW. WATCHING SOMEONE FIGHT FOR LIFE HAS CHANGED ME ON A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL! I try to carry on, for my fiance and his father, my daughter. I know this is not the right time to explain how much I want to move home and be closer to my family. I know it's not the right time to tell him, but going through his mother's passing only made me want my family more. Fast forward to now: I had to go home (my step-mother almost bleed to death, my 83 year old grandpa is in the hospital (diabetes) and his wife, my grandma is being flown to a bigger town to have open heart surgery) over the New Year's holiday. I ended up at my ex's house. We talk and I realize I have let this lie I am living go on too long. I am horrible. Why didn't I end it sooner? I looked for the right time to talk to my fiance. Then as I was driving back to my charade I realized there would never be a "right" time. I have talked with my fiance about not being happy. He told me he thinks we should just be happy where ever we are, I asked him to move. He said NO. I know that right now is not the right time to move to another state, with the economy so bad. How do I make it through this time with my fiance. I am screwed up! I truly think I am having a early midlife crisis! Does anyone know what I mean!!!??????!!!!????!

01-28-2009, 05:34 PM	#2
HeartGoesOn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Massachusetts Gender: Female Posts: 2,659	No offense, but you lost me...that story is hard to follow. __________________ ~ Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance, And when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance... I hope you dance. ~