Ego

0000001 · 01-10-2009, 02:48 AM

An old friend of mine from college has recently started subcontracting out small jobs to me. I'm grateful because I need the money, but it's also damaging my ego, because even though we started college at the same time she's four years younger than I am, and also her career is moving ahead much faster than mine is. (I attribute this 90% to her social skills and self-confidence and 10% to dumb luck.) We used to be best friends but I must say that there is a small part of me that finds this a little emasculating. I've been losing sleep over it. We had a lot of fun at school, and we've been close ever since, and I love her and I'm glad she's doing so well, but there is a little voice inside my head that just doesn't like this.

Am I:
A) a male chauvinist pig who needs to bury his latent prejudices
B) a lazy parasite who needs to figure out a way to kickstart his own career
C) a neurotic crybaby who needs to just shut the hell up
D) a bad friend
E) normal

?

Davie · 01-10-2009, 04:42 AM

Sounds to me like you don't so much have problems with her success. Just your lack of it. Why don't you really put your mind to it and in the job she has given you really show her what you're made of!

Distinguish yourself!

(perhaps not with a rainbow affro though)

Regardless, if you are a bit jealous then put yourself onto an equal playing board!

Sn0man · 01-10-2009, 06:38 AM

It is the nature of human beings to be both jealous and envious of those who have the ability to succeed beyond our own personal capabilities. We oft look on these people with disdain.

Why? Because be it 'dumb luck', or some other force, we feel we have been cheated. It is also the nature of humans to exceed - to go beyond accepted limits. When we're outdone, we feel as though we're somehow inferior. Unfortunately, we oft fail to realize our own individual accomplishments. When someone sees greatness in another, often the person to which we attruibute this greatness sees the same in someone else and will see him/herself as somehow lacking as well.

Basically, we all try to out-do eachother.

Without this drive, we souldn't be where we are today.

BeStrongBeHappy · 01-10-2009, 09:39 AM

>>I must say that there is a small part of me that finds this a little emasculating.

This is something you're going to have to get over. There are lots of successful and powerful women that you'll met during your career, and business has nothing to do with sexuality or gender and you need to break that anachronistic attitude.

i think it is normal to feel a bit envious of others when you're down and they're up, so that can be remedied by working hard to get yourself up and to a level you are proud of yourself. And everyone has to be the underdog sometimes, that is just the way life is.

So try to work hard not to be sexist as that is a problem that will cause you trouble now and in future. And get the envy under control by working yourself into a better position.

If the job you have isn't 'big' enough for you, look for a new one.

01-10-2009, 02:48 AM	#1
0000001 Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 25	Ego An old friend of mine from college has recently started subcontracting out small jobs to me. I'm grateful because I need the money, but it's also damaging my ego, because even though we started college at the same time she's four years younger than I am, and also her career is moving ahead much faster than mine is. (I attribute this 90% to her social skills and self-confidence and 10% to dumb luck.) We used to be best friends but I must say that there is a small part of me that finds this a little emasculating. I've been losing sleep over it. We had a lot of fun at school, and we've been close ever since, and I love her and I'm glad she's doing so well, but there is a little voice inside my head that just doesn't like this. Am I: A) a male chauvinist pig who needs to bury his latent prejudices B) a lazy parasite who needs to figure out a way to kickstart his own career C) a neurotic crybaby who needs to just shut the hell up D) a bad friend E) normal ?

01-10-2009, 06:38 AM	#3
Sn0man Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: BC Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 2,171	It is the nature of human beings to be both jealous and envious of those who have the ability to succeed beyond our own personal capabilities. We oft look on these people with disdain. Why? Because be it 'dumb luck', or some other force, we feel we have been cheated. It is also the nature of humans to exceed - to go beyond accepted limits. When we're outdone, we feel as though we're somehow inferior. Unfortunately, we oft fail to realize our own individual accomplishments. When someone sees greatness in another, often the person to which we attruibute this greatness sees the same in someone else and will see him/herself as somehow lacking as well. Basically, we all try to out-do eachother. Without this drive, we souldn't be where we are today. __________________ I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It's hitting below the intellect. If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.

01-10-2009, 04:42 AM	#2
Davie Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: The Declining Steps of Hell Gender: Male Posts: 363	Sounds to me like you don't so much have problems with her success. Just your lack of it. Why don't you really put your mind to it and in the job she has given you really show her what you're made of! Distinguish yourself! (perhaps not with a rainbow affro though) Regardless, if you are a bit jealous then put yourself onto an equal playing board!

01-10-2009, 09:39 AM	#4
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,417	>>I must say that there is a small part of me that finds this a little emasculating. This is something you're going to have to get over. There are lots of successful and powerful women that you'll met during your career, and business has nothing to do with sexuality or gender and you need to break that anachronistic attitude. i think it is normal to feel a bit envious of others when you're down and they're up, so that can be remedied by working hard to get yourself up and to a level you are proud of yourself. And everyone has to be the underdog sometimes, that is just the way life is. So try to work hard not to be sexist as that is a problem that will cause you trouble now and in future. And get the envy under control by working yourself into a better position. If the job you have isn't 'big' enough for you, look for a new one.