Devastated

kermit · 01-07-2009, 02:49 PM

I'm not sure where to post this. Parenting, personal, emotional, suicide (not quite) whatever.

I have three kids. My oldest (female) is 22, middle one is male (20). Youngest (male) is 15. I am separated, soon to be divorced. Lost my job six months ago.

My 20 year old son 'came out' last year. I always knew he was gay, maybe from the age of six on. It was still difficult for me to deal with, but I was ready for it.

Today I was attaching a file to an email on my home computer. I noticed that my 15 year olds chat logs were there. In summary: My 15 year old is obviously gay too.

I am just devastated by this. I never saw it coming. So many things have gone wrong in my life over the last few years. And now more 'bad' news.

I really need help dealing with this.

kermit · 01-07-2009, 02:55 PM

I know they didn't choose to be that way, I accept it. I think I feel screwed over with both of sons being gay.

stranded247 · 01-07-2009, 02:56 PM

what is wrong with you're other son being gay? I know it must be tough because its not what you expected at all or possibly even wanted for them because its not easy being gay in this society but to be honest people are a lot more open and liberal about it than they previously were. I mean the only reason I can imagine you are devestated for is that you had expectations about his future and are now dissapointed by his homosexuality because it in some ways alters you're hopes for him. Also I'd like to point out that he is not indefinately gay, teens experiment all the time, I have friends who have been convinced they were gay/lesbian and then discovered they wern't. At 15 you can't be totally sure, he may just be unsure of his sexuality and therefore experimenting.

In Limbo · 01-07-2009, 02:58 PM

don't hate yourself..Its nothing to be ashamed of..Some of my best friends are gays & mind you they have really achieved more than my straight friends.

Whats the problem if they are gays??This is 21st century madam, please stop stigmatizing people based on their sexual orientation.That's regressive and condemnable.
See a therapist to cure your prejudice and be a good & understanding mother.

IphigeniaSaysHi · 01-07-2009, 03:03 PM

The only way you've screwed anything up is if you don't give them your love, your support, and your wisdom. Teach them to be strong, confident, and make healthy choices.

I understand how this is a shock to you. We can all be open minded and fair about the situation because we don't know what it is like. You seem phobic or something outwardly, but these are your children and you're just reacting to them growing up, changing, being at risk, etc.

Give them the support others won't.

purple frog · 01-07-2009, 03:03 PM

Do you feel you are missing out on something by finding out that they are gay? Surely as a father you love them as the people that they are - while it might come as a surprise, why does it need to be a 'bad' one?

iLoveMyBabyCairo · 01-07-2009, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by In Limbo

don't hate yourself..Its nothing to be ashamed of..Some of my best friends are gays & mind you they have really achieved more than my straight friends.

Whats the problem if they are gays??This is 21st century madam, please stop stigmatizing people based on their sexual orientation.That's regressive and condemnable.
See a therapist to cure your prejudice and be a good & understanding mother.

I don't think the OP is putting an unnecessary stigma on their child's sexual orientation. I think it's just come as a shock, unexpected. I didn't get any sort of prejudice from the original post.

kermit · 01-07-2009, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iLoveMyBabyCairo

I don't think the OP is putting an unnecessary stigma on their child's sexual orientation. I think it's just come as a shock, unexpected. I didn't get any sort of prejudice from the original post.

Yes. it's a shock. And likely a difficult life for both of my sons.

kermit · 01-07-2009, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by purple frog

Do you feel you are missing out on something by finding out that they are gay? Surely as a father you love them as the people that they are - while it might come as a surprise, why does it need to be a 'bad' one?

Yes. I feel I am missing something. Or lost a chance at something. Not sure what, maybe a traditional family?

IphigeniaSaysHi · 01-07-2009, 03:17 PM

^ That's not an unusual feeling. As it stands in society now there are a lot of differences your sons will go through, and there is a pride factor as a father to sons. I think time will help you feel less uneasy.

01-07-2009, 02:49 PM	#1
kermit Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 122	Devastated I'm not sure where to post this. Parenting, personal, emotional, suicide (not quite) whatever. I have three kids. My oldest (female) is 22, middle one is male (20). Youngest (male) is 15. I am separated, soon to be divorced. Lost my job six months ago. My 20 year old son 'came out' last year. I always knew he was gay, maybe from the age of six on. It was still difficult for me to deal with, but I was ready for it. Today I was attaching a file to an email on my home computer. I noticed that my 15 year olds chat logs were there. In summary: My 15 year old is obviously gay too. I am just devastated by this. I never saw it coming. So many things have gone wrong in my life over the last few years. And now more 'bad' news. I really need help dealing with this. __________________ kermit Once you go green you never go back!

01-07-2009, 02:55 PM	#2
kermit Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 122	I know they didn't choose to be that way, I accept it. I think I feel screwed over with both of sons being gay. __________________ kermit Once you go green you never go back!

01-07-2009, 02:56 PM	#3
stranded247 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: in my head. Gender: Female Age: 18 Posts: 789	what is wrong with you're other son being gay? I know it must be tough because its not what you expected at all or possibly even wanted for them because its not easy being gay in this society but to be honest people are a lot more open and liberal about it than they previously were. I mean the only reason I can imagine you are devestated for is that you had expectations about his future and are now dissapointed by his homosexuality because it in some ways alters you're hopes for him. Also I'd like to point out that he is not indefinately gay, teens experiment all the time, I have friends who have been convinced they were gay/lesbian and then discovered they wern't. At 15 you can't be totally sure, he may just be unsure of his sexuality and therefore experimenting. __________________ " The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." "Damn right I'm good in bed! I can sleep for days!" "I dont think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains"

01-07-2009, 02:58 PM	#4
In Limbo Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Land of ambition Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 188	don't hate yourself..Its nothing to be ashamed of..Some of my best friends are gays & mind you they have really achieved more than my straight friends. Whats the problem if they are gays??This is 21st century madam, please stop stigmatizing people based on their sexual orientation.That's regressive and condemnable. See a therapist to cure your prejudice and be a good & understanding mother. __________________ Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts - The Buddha In fact, everything we encounter in this world with our six senses is an inkblot test. You see what you are thinking and feeling, seldom what you are looking at -Shiqin

01-07-2009, 03:03 PM	#5
IphigeniaSaysHi Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 3,318	The only way you've screwed anything up is if you don't give them your love, your support, and your wisdom. Teach them to be strong, confident, and make healthy choices. I understand how this is a shock to you. We can all be open minded and fair about the situation because we don't know what it is like. You seem phobic or something outwardly, but these are your children and you're just reacting to them growing up, changing, being at risk, etc. Give them the support others won't.

01-07-2009, 03:03 PM	#6
purple frog Offline Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 21	Do you feel you are missing out on something by finding out that they are gay? Surely as a father you love them as the people that they are - while it might come as a surprise, why does it need to be a 'bad' one?

01-07-2009, 03:17 PM	#10
IphigeniaSaysHi Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 3,318	^ That's not an unusual feeling. As it stands in society now there are a lot of differences your sons will go through, and there is a pride factor as a father to sons. I think time will help you feel less uneasy.