Your opinion

Independant · 01-05-2009, 10:05 PM

I have not had much luck in my life when it comes to relationships. For the past five years I have been in a relationship with a gentleman that spoils me. Unfortunately, our relationship has regressed over the years. We lived together for one year, but there was conflict between my teenage children and him. (He never had children). Currently, we get together on weekends at his place or we go for a weekend getaway. I have never met his mother or his siblings. When he attends his family gatherings he takes his ex-wife. I am not much of one on being able to communicate, where he is the type of individual that can go on for two hours and still not answer a question. (no, he is not a politician) The time we spend together is very enjoyable.

I am very much a romantic and want nothing more than to be able to share my life with someone full-time, my children have not made that easy, but they will be moving out over the next couple of years. (I hope) I am tired of feeling like I am taking on the world alone, I feel like I have done it too long.

Not sure, whether to keep pursuing the relationship or give up all together. Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.

ErikT · 01-05-2009, 10:20 PM

I'm sure I will catch some heck for this opinion (I seem to say that alot!), but here goes:

I believe that you should wait until you children are grown up before getting into a serious relationship. Your main focus should be on your children - not yourself. When they are moved out, then you can focus on a relationship.

You didn't give any specifics, but why does this man attend functions with his ex wife? That should be reason alone to move on without this guy.

Being a single parent is tough - I can only imagine. I'm sure it does feel like the whole world is on your shoulders. But you have made it this long, you can hang in there a couple of more years. Focus you energy on your teenagers while you can. Soon, they will be grown up and moved out and then you will regret not spending enough time with them.

Pandaman211 · 01-05-2009, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Independant

I have not had much luck in my life when it comes to relationships. For the past five years I have been in a relationship with a gentleman that spoils me. Unfortunately, our relationship has regressed over the years. We lived together for one year, but there was conflict between my teenage children and him. (He never had children). Currently, we get together on weekends at his place or we go for a weekend getaway. I have never met his mother or his siblings. When he attends his family gatherings he takes his ex-wife. I am not much of one on being able to communicate, where he is the type of individual that can go on for two hours and still not answer a question. (no, he is not a politician) The time we spend together is very enjoyable.

I am very much a romantic and want nothing more than to be able to share my life with someone full-time, my children have not made that easy, but they will be moving out over the next couple of years. (I hope) I am tired of feeling like I am taking on the world alone, I feel like I have done it too long.

Not sure, whether to keep pursuing the relationship or give up all together. Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.

Before I answer, I don't understand why he takes his ex wife and not you? Doesn't that make you feel kind of neglected?

Crazyaboutdogs · 01-05-2009, 10:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandaman211

Before I answer, I don't understand why he takes his ex wife and not you? Doesn't that make you feel kind of neglected?

Yeah, that part struck me as well. That is kind of odd if he is supposed to be seeing you.

hike14 · 01-05-2009, 10:28 PM

Are you sure the ex wife is EX?

Independant · 01-05-2009, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandaman211

Before I answer, I don't understand why he takes his ex wife and not you? Doesn't that make you feel kind of neglected?

Yes, I do feel neglected.

He was married for 23 years and his family calls his ex-wife to attend functions and not him. He finds out about gatherings his family is having from his ex.

redrose85 · 01-05-2009, 11:03 PM

As a stepkid of a guy who didn't really raise his own kids, and didn't seem to like teenagers at all... I will say that even if your children are teens and young adults, it's important that you pick someone who will get along with your kids, even if they are independent and moved out. My bf's Mom is now engaged to a guy who doesn't like "kids" (we're all over 19) or family activities, and we all have our reservations about him. My Mom wound up pushing her kids away when she married my stepdad, and I would hate to see the same thing happen with your family. Parenthood doesn't stop just because your kids have moved out. They're always your kids, and what you do affects them.

bulletproof · 01-06-2009, 12:43 AM

He takes his ex-wife to family gatherings, doesn't get along with your kids, and you've never met his family? That's a lot of stuff to overlook.

I know you said you're not much of a communicator, but in order to be in a fulfilling relationship, you have to communicate. Tell him that you want to meet his family and that you find it odd that he's accompanying his ex-wife to events. You may not be able to do much about his family inviting her, but at least make your feelings known.

I think that if he's not willing to make some changes (and you're not willing to tell him what those should be), then there's not a lot of reasons to continue.

Crazyaboutdogs · 01-06-2009, 06:49 AM

Quote:

where he is the type of individual that can go on for two hours and still not answer a question.

Quote:

there was conflict between my teenage children and him.

Quote:

his family calls his ex-wife to attend functions and not him. He finds out about gatherings his family is having from his ex.

Something tells me this guy rubs a lot of people the wrong way. I personally don't want to be around someone who talks and talks and talks and says nothing much. Perhaps that is why the family doesn't bother inviting him directly. Maybe your children didn't get along with him for a reason. Something to think about.

Pandaman211 · 01-07-2009, 11:40 PM

Independent, do you see this going anywhere? Has the idea of marriage ever surfaced? How does he feel? Just wondering.

You should be upset about his apparent neglect of/downplaying of your feelings.

Would you feel comfortable talking to him about this? How do you see him reacting?

BTW I apologize for all the questions, I just don't seem to have a good stranglehold on your scenario.

01-05-2009, 10:05 PM	#1
Independant Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 7	Your opinion I have not had much luck in my life when it comes to relationships. For the past five years I have been in a relationship with a gentleman that spoils me. Unfortunately, our relationship has regressed over the years. We lived together for one year, but there was conflict between my teenage children and him. (He never had children). Currently, we get together on weekends at his place or we go for a weekend getaway. I have never met his mother or his siblings. When he attends his family gatherings he takes his ex-wife. I am not much of one on being able to communicate, where he is the type of individual that can go on for two hours and still not answer a question. (no, he is not a politician) The time we spend together is very enjoyable. I am very much a romantic and want nothing more than to be able to share my life with someone full-time, my children have not made that easy, but they will be moving out over the next couple of years. (I hope) I am tired of feeling like I am taking on the world alone, I feel like I have done it too long. Not sure, whether to keep pursuing the relationship or give up all together. Any tips or suggestions would be appreciated.

01-05-2009, 10:20 PM	#2
ErikT Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 347	I'm sure I will catch some heck for this opinion (I seem to say that alot!), but here goes: I believe that you should wait until you children are grown up before getting into a serious relationship. Your main focus should be on your children - not yourself. When they are moved out, then you can focus on a relationship. You didn't give any specifics, but why does this man attend functions with his ex wife? That should be reason alone to move on without this guy. Being a single parent is tough - I can only imagine. I'm sure it does feel like the whole world is on your shoulders. But you have made it this long, you can hang in there a couple of more years. Focus you energy on your teenagers while you can. Soon, they will be grown up and moved out and then you will regret not spending enough time with them. __________________ Go Gators!

01-05-2009, 11:03 PM	#7
redrose85 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,362	As a stepkid of a guy who didn't really raise his own kids, and didn't seem to like teenagers at all... I will say that even if your children are teens and young adults, it's important that you pick someone who will get along with your kids, even if they are independent and moved out. My bf's Mom is now engaged to a guy who doesn't like "kids" (we're all over 19) or family activities, and we all have our reservations about him. My Mom wound up pushing her kids away when she married my stepdad, and I would hate to see the same thing happen with your family. Parenthood doesn't stop just because your kids have moved out. They're always your kids, and what you do affects them. __________________ ~Hot sexy Lovemuffinitis~ -jettison

01-06-2009, 12:43 AM	#8
bulletproof Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,027	He takes his ex-wife to family gatherings, doesn't get along with your kids, and you've never met his family? That's a lot of stuff to overlook. I know you said you're not much of a communicator, but in order to be in a fulfilling relationship, you have to communicate. Tell him that you want to meet his family and that you find it odd that he's accompanying his ex-wife to events. You may not be able to do much about his family inviting her, but at least make your feelings known. I think that if he's not willing to make some changes (and you're not willing to tell him what those should be), then there's not a lot of reasons to continue. __________________ A lot is two words. Prolly is not a word at all. Immerse your soul in love.

01-05-2009, 10:28 PM	#5
hike14 Online Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: NY Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,462	Are you sure the ex wife is EX?

01-07-2009, 11:40 PM	#10
Pandaman211 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 332	Independent, do you see this going anywhere? Has the idea of marriage ever surfaced? How does he feel? Just wondering. You should be upset about his apparent neglect of/downplaying of your feelings. Would you feel comfortable talking to him about this? How do you see him reacting? BTW I apologize for all the questions, I just don't seem to have a good stranglehold on your scenario.