more questions about alcoholics and abuse

confusedl77 · 01-05-2009, 08:38 PM

I made a post a few posts down about my boyfriend destroying my apartment on NYE due to too much Jack Daniels. The next day I told him I really didn't want to see him again because he really scared the crap out of me that night. He claims that he has no recollection of anything that happened and that he was completely blacked out. He said he was giving up alcohol and that he emptied his bottles of Jack Daniels down the drain. Of course I told him that I would still not take him back because I really wouldn't want to subject my future children to his violent behavior and not to mention he might kill me one night during one of his blackouts! My question is this: Is the alcohol really the sole cause for the violence in this case or did the violence occur because he has deep rooted anger issues that come from within himself? There have been several episodes of violence in the past and usually alcohol was involved..none were as bad as this latest one though. I told him he needs to face his issues and get help not for my sake but for his (because I plan on leaving him anyway) but he insists it's just the alcohol and that he will stop drinking and everything will be fine. Any thoughts on this?

Sarati · 01-05-2009, 08:45 PM

DO NOT TRY TO ANALYZE THE SITUATION OR ALCOHOLIC ANY FURTHER. GET AWAY FROM THIS DANGEROUS PERSON AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. YOU ARE RIGHT -- HE COULD HARM YOU TERRIBLY AND NOT REMEMBER IT.

I know this subject all too well. You would be very wise to leave ASAP, as you are planning to do, and take very careful notice of the fact that he is saying "it's JUST THE ALCOHOL", alcohol is a dangerous drug for some individuals, clearly it is for this person. Of course he needs to face his issues and get help. YOU need to get out of this relationship right away before you get hurt, God forbid.

JustBeachy · 01-05-2009, 08:46 PM

I know that whenever I'm drinking...and even drunk/wasted, I still use common sense. I know what's right and what's wrong, it's not that hard. People who "blackout" are full of BS in my opinion. It's just a lame excuse to get out of a bad situation. I don't care what other excuses he may use or how many bottles of Jack he pours down the drain, he's not worth your time and energy.

eta: Just my two cents, so feel free to agree or disagree.

Snoopy24 · 01-05-2009, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by confusedl77

I made a post a few posts down about my boyfriend destroying my apartment on NYE due to too much Jack Daniels. The next day I told him I really didn't want to see him again because he really scared the crap out of me that night. He claims that he has no recollection of anything that happened and that he was completely blacked out. He said he was giving up alcohol and that he emptied his bottles of Jack Daniels down the drain. Of course I told him that I would still not take him back because I really wouldn't want to subject my future children to his violent behavior and not to mention he might kill me one night during one of his blackouts! My question is this: Is the alcohol really the sole cause for the violence in this case or did the violence occur because he has deep rooted anger issues that come from within himself? There have been several episodes of violence in the past and usually alcohol was involved..none were as bad as this latest one though. I told him he needs to face his issues and get help not for my sake but for his (because I plan on leaving him anyway) but he insists it's just the alcohol and that he will stop drinking and everything will be fine. Any thoughts on this?

I think that answer depends on the individual. For some people alcohol is what causes the violence, for others they are violent with or without the alcohol.

Regardless, It sounds like he needs more help than just stopping himself. It seems he has a serious problem. It would be beneficial for him to take some anger management classes, therapy, and AA meetings.

KG · 01-05-2009, 08:54 PM

Confused,
I used to be a hardcore JD drinker...blackouts and the like. While I never got violent, I acted like an ******e to the point that my friends had to do an intervention.
Get away from this guy...the booze is driving, he's just along for the ride.

confusedl77 · 01-05-2009, 08:55 PM

Thanks for the responses so far. They have been very helpful. I have no intentions of taking him back and also believe that the blackout excuses might be just that..excuses. Thanks again!

KG · 01-05-2009, 09:19 PM

Confused,
That may be the truth, the brain wires out, and you don't remember. But the violence will not de-escalate with the drinking...it will only enable him him to do it more.

confusedl77 · 01-05-2009, 09:36 PM

what really sucks is that people are actually blaming me for what happened. One of my close girl friends told me that I must have said something that really triggered him off. His best g/f blamed me for taking him to a party where there was alcohol...as if I forced him to drink! Are there actually people out there who think that violence is ok under any circumstance?

01-05-2009, 08:38 PM	#1
confusedl77 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 11	more questions about alcoholics and abuse I made a post a few posts down about my boyfriend destroying my apartment on NYE due to too much Jack Daniels. The next day I told him I really didn't want to see him again because he really scared the crap out of me that night. He claims that he has no recollection of anything that happened and that he was completely blacked out. He said he was giving up alcohol and that he emptied his bottles of Jack Daniels down the drain. Of course I told him that I would still not take him back because I really wouldn't want to subject my future children to his violent behavior and not to mention he might kill me one night during one of his blackouts! My question is this: Is the alcohol really the sole cause for the violence in this case or did the violence occur because he has deep rooted anger issues that come from within himself? There have been several episodes of violence in the past and usually alcohol was involved..none were as bad as this latest one though. I told him he needs to face his issues and get help not for my sake but for his (because I plan on leaving him anyway) but he insists it's just the alcohol and that he will stop drinking and everything will be fine. Any thoughts on this?

01-05-2009, 08:54 PM	#5
KG Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 2 miles east of Hicksville Gender: Male Posts: 4,905	Confused, I used to be a hardcore JD drinker...blackouts and the like. While I never got violent, I acted like an ******e to the point that my friends had to do an intervention. Get away from this guy...the booze is driving, he's just along for the ride. __________________ Life is just a word until you go through it. I've got the scars to prove it.

01-05-2009, 09:19 PM	#7
KG Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: 2 miles east of Hicksville Gender: Male Posts: 4,905	Confused, That may be the truth, the brain wires out, and you don't remember. But the violence will not de-escalate with the drinking...it will only enable him him to do it more. __________________ Life is just a word until you go through it. I've got the scars to prove it.

01-05-2009, 08:45 PM	#2
Sarati Offline Silver Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Universal Citizen Gender: None Specified Posts: 371	DO NOT TRY TO ANALYZE THE SITUATION OR ALCOHOLIC ANY FURTHER. GET AWAY FROM THIS DANGEROUS PERSON AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. YOU ARE RIGHT -- HE COULD HARM YOU TERRIBLY AND NOT REMEMBER IT. I know this subject all too well. You would be very wise to leave ASAP, as you are planning to do, and take very careful notice of the fact that he is saying "it's JUST THE ALCOHOL", alcohol is a dangerous drug for some individuals, clearly it is for this person. Of course he needs to face his issues and get help. YOU need to get out of this relationship right away before you get hurt, God forbid.

01-05-2009, 08:46 PM	#3
JustBeachy Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Houston, TX Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 231	I know that whenever I'm drinking...and even drunk/wasted, I still use common sense. I know what's right and what's wrong, it's not that hard. People who "blackout" are full of BS in my opinion. It's just a lame excuse to get out of a bad situation. I don't care what other excuses he may use or how many bottles of Jack he pours down the drain, he's not worth your time and energy. eta: Just my two cents, so feel free to agree or disagree.

01-05-2009, 08:55 PM	#6
confusedl77 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 11	Thanks for the responses so far. They have been very helpful. I have no intentions of taking him back and also believe that the blackout excuses might be just that..excuses. Thanks again!

01-05-2009, 09:36 PM	#8
confusedl77 Offline Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 11	what really sucks is that people are actually blaming me for what happened. One of my close girl friends told me that I must have said something that really triggered him off. His best g/f blamed me for taking him to a party where there was alcohol...as if I forced him to drink! Are there actually people out there who think that violence is ok under any circumstance?