XGAA (Ex girlfriend addicted annonymous)

julioiglesia · 12-28-2008, 01:13 AM

There is AA (alcoholic anonymous), GA (gambling annonymous) so there should be a EXGAA ex girlfriend addicted annonymous)

Falling in love and falling out of love is nothing different from doing some addictive drug like heroin. I've never done heroin or coke in my life but I know there are many similarities when it comes to dealing with an ex.

We all know the feelings we get when we first meet with the SO. It feels like heaven. Everything seems so great in life. You can hear birds chirping, flower blooming, food taste even sweeter with your SO.

We first start from a date to another and it builds up because we urge for more because the first dosage is not strong enough so the next one has to be even more potent than the last. Same goes with love.

All those good memories are all embedded in our brain.

Then one day, he/she breaks up with you and your world just crumbles before your own eyes.

But... you needed that drug (SO) everyday but you can't have it anymore. We desperately want the SO to come back. We go through all the five stages of grieve but that is HARD.

Forgetting your ex is not an easy thing because your brain doesn't see the difference between being addicted to heroine no different than being addicted to your SO. we have the same bio mechanism in us.

That is why NC is beneficial in the end for the sake of your own salvation because if you constantly check her profile or picture, or call her then you are giving in to your addictive frenzy. It is opening up a pandora's box. you peek a little bit of her picture, then one day you want to touch her, kiss her and do whatever you used to do with her but

guess what..

you are just living in a virtual world, and you are digging your own grave if you don't get out of it. This kind of behavior will last weeks and months or years and in the end you wonder why you aren't moving on while the ex has already another SO. It can be a waste of time drooling over some1 that is not there. It might be beneficial backing up from the dead end and try to find the correct route to salvation.

From a fellow XGAA (Ex girlfriend addicted annonymous)

waveseer · 12-28-2008, 01:16 AM

There is Emotions Anonymous (EA). I went once or twice and found it just too deep to bear.

homeagain · 12-28-2008, 01:17 AM

oh, julio... i'm sorry you are hurting so much. i often feel like i am addicted or powerless to the draw of my ex, as well.

hang in there, and keep sharing with your fellow ena members.

hay siempre esperanza y hay siempre manana!

TheSmilingTurnip · 12-28-2008, 01:26 AM

that makes sense.

1. admitted we were powerless over our ex-someone, and that lives had become unmanageable.
2. came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him.
4. made a searching and fearless more inventory of ourselves.
5. admitted to god, to ourselves, and another person the exact nature of our wrongs...

etc etc. Working the 12 steps on an ex could be very cathartic

UCLAMike · 12-28-2008, 01:26 AM

Julio I find your posts to be really insightful, honest, and very informative. Thanks for sharing. I am doing so much better moving on.

I am in fact over my ex. I don't miss her. Im just fighting off the recurring depression and frustration from the rejection.

julioiglesia · 12-28-2008, 01:41 AM

Thank you all.
Doing NC for so long, I have the constant urge to reach out and find out what is going on in her life but I learned before that always expect the unexpected and the worst case scenario. I am not ready to face them so I don't wish to open the pandora's box.

out of sight out of mind

but for me: out of sight, on my mind.

hopefully one day: out of sight, "who was she?" LOL

Healing is not linear but cyclical.

I think i am facing the last stage of the withdrawl symptom which is the hardest.

SighSob · 12-28-2008, 06:40 AM

I don't want to know what's going on in her life, I'm not ready for the worst case scenarios as well...they already hurt enough when I Picture them in my mind, so I guess that to know that they are happening in the real world too would be a little too much for my poor broken heart...

Still, I can't help but keep looking at pictures of her and us together. It gives me hope that she will understand we used to be so happy and can be happy again....I know it's stupid but I'm still in the stage of DENIAL lol....

julioiglesia · 12-28-2008, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SighSob

I don't want to know what's going on in her life, I'm not ready for the worst case scenarios as well...they already hurt enough when I Picture them in my mind, so I guess that to know that they are happening in the real world too would be a little too much for my poor broken heart...

Still, I can't help but keep looking at pictures of her and us together. It gives me hope that she will understand we used to be so happy and can be happy again....I know it's stupid but I'm still in the stage of DENIAL lol....

The picture part is the hardest. Whenever I saw them I give a big sigh....
You are in denial if you still think she is your girlfriend and act the same. but i am sure you have progressed and you think of her as the past and think of the good old days. I don't think that is purely denial. savoring the good old days is normal i think. we still miss them and it will take time that we all one day find someone better.

I see flaws in my ex and realize that she has changed and that she cannot be a good gf even if we got together because of so many differences. You are only in denial if you see can't see those flaws. if you see them you aren't in denial.

There will be a different reaction from looking at those picture now and later when you are finally over them. Now your heart might be beating really hard but later on you will just see it as past memories and just smile and be even more content because by then you will have a better person. and that your ex and the post break up has been a big steping stone to your great future and your great new gf.

SighSob · 12-29-2008, 06:44 AM

Well I acknowledge she has broken up with me, but yesterday I had to see her and I accidentally called her "love"...so I guess deep inside I still think that she will eventually realize what she has done and come back to me. I just can't help it. I am doing my best not to think it this way cause I know that big hopes lead to big letdowns but it's stronger than me. At least I am making sure I keep going out with my friends...you know, just in case I find a girl that can make me forget her...

12-28-2008, 01:13 AM	#1
julioiglesia Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: CA, USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 243	XGAA (Ex girlfriend addicted annonymous) There is AA (alcoholic anonymous), GA (gambling annonymous) so there should be a EXGAA ex girlfriend addicted annonymous) Falling in love and falling out of love is nothing different from doing some addictive drug like heroin. I've never done heroin or coke in my life but I know there are many similarities when it comes to dealing with an ex. We all know the feelings we get when we first meet with the SO. It feels like heaven. Everything seems so great in life. You can hear birds chirping, flower blooming, food taste even sweeter with your SO. We first start from a date to another and it builds up because we urge for more because the first dosage is not strong enough so the next one has to be even more potent than the last. Same goes with love. All those good memories are all embedded in our brain. Then one day, he/she breaks up with you and your world just crumbles before your own eyes. But... you needed that drug (SO) everyday but you can't have it anymore. We desperately want the SO to come back. We go through all the five stages of grieve but that is HARD. Forgetting your ex is not an easy thing because your brain doesn't see the difference between being addicted to heroine no different than being addicted to your SO. we have the same bio mechanism in us. That is why NC is beneficial in the end for the sake of your own salvation because if you constantly check her profile or picture, or call her then you are giving in to your addictive frenzy. It is opening up a pandora's box. you peek a little bit of her picture, then one day you want to touch her, kiss her and do whatever you used to do with her but guess what.. you are just living in a virtual world, and you are digging your own grave if you don't get out of it. This kind of behavior will last weeks and months or years and in the end you wonder why you aren't moving on while the ex has already another SO. It can be a waste of time drooling over some1 that is not there. It might be beneficial backing up from the dead end and try to find the correct route to salvation. From a fellow XGAA (Ex girlfriend addicted annonymous) __________________ I am addicted to ENA. If you find any response helpful then give me props. The thought of my ex no longer bothers me because I want to be a platnum member. thats what I strive for each and everyday. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way Pablo Neruda Sonnet 17

12-28-2008, 01:16 AM	#2
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	There is Emotions Anonymous (EA). I went once or twice and found it just too deep to bear. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-28-2008, 01:26 AM	#4
TheSmilingTurnip Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2005 Age: 33 Posts: 2,042	that makes sense. 1. admitted we were powerless over our ex-someone, and that lives had become unmanageable. 2. came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him. 4. made a searching and fearless more inventory of ourselves. 5. admitted to god, to ourselves, and another person the exact nature of our wrongs... etc etc. Working the 12 steps on an ex could be very cathartic __________________ BOUNDARIES...where you end and someone else begins. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty." ~ Kevin Bacon on keeping marriage together.

12-28-2008, 01:26 AM	#5
UCLAMike Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 270	Julio I find your posts to be really insightful, honest, and very informative. Thanks for sharing. I am doing so much better moving on. I am in fact over my ex. I don't miss her. Im just fighting off the recurring depression and frustration from the rejection. __________________ Note to self: Give yourself a break. This was your first love and breakup.

12-28-2008, 01:41 AM	#6
julioiglesia Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: CA, USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 243	Thank you all. Doing NC for so long, I have the constant urge to reach out and find out what is going on in her life but I learned before that always expect the unexpected and the worst case scenario. I am not ready to face them so I don't wish to open the pandora's box. out of sight out of mind but for me: out of sight, on my mind. hopefully one day: out of sight, "who was she?" LOL Healing is not linear but cyclical. I think i am facing the last stage of the withdrawl symptom which is the hardest. __________________ I am addicted to ENA. If you find any response helpful then give me props. The thought of my ex no longer bothers me because I want to be a platnum member. thats what I strive for each and everyday. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way Pablo Neruda Sonnet 17

12-28-2008, 01:17 AM	#3
homeagain Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: USA Gender: Female Posts: 298	oh, julio... i'm sorry you are hurting so much. i often feel like i am addicted or powerless to the draw of my ex, as well. hang in there, and keep sharing with your fellow ena members. hay siempre esperanza y hay siempre manana!

12-28-2008, 06:40 AM	#7
SighSob Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Rome, Italy Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 711	I don't want to know what's going on in her life, I'm not ready for the worst case scenarios as well...they already hurt enough when I Picture them in my mind, so I guess that to know that they are happening in the real world too would be a little too much for my poor broken heart... Still, I can't help but keep looking at pictures of her and us together. It gives me hope that she will understand we used to be so happy and can be happy again....I know it's stupid but I'm still in the stage of DENIAL lol....

12-29-2008, 06:44 AM	#9
SighSob Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Rome, Italy Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 711	Well I acknowledge she has broken up with me, but yesterday I had to see her and I accidentally called her "love"...so I guess deep inside I still think that she will eventually realize what she has done and come back to me. I just can't help it. I am doing my best not to think it this way cause I know that big hopes lead to big letdowns but it's stronger than me. At least I am making sure I keep going out with my friends...you know, just in case I find a girl that can make me forget her...