Sick Parent...what to do

burnttoast · 12-23-2008, 03:39 AM

My bf is just 21 but his only parent, his mother, is in her 60s and battling cancer. She's apparently also going downhill rather quickly in mental acuity--getting lost on the roads, calling him by his father's name all the time and not catching her mistake, no longer able to participate in her old hobbies because they are too frustrating now.
He doesn't know what to do...he's still in college but worries about her being on her own and now that he's home for the holidays he sees it's getting worse. She's also depressed because she doesn't feel useful to anyone anymore.
My question is: What can I suggest that would be helpful to him? And at what point should he seriously start to worry about her mentally?

waveseer · 12-23-2008, 03:45 AM

Does he have any siblings? Does she?

burnttoast · 12-23-2008, 03:49 AM

my bf has a little sister who is also in college now. His mom's support system isn't great. She has a sister in law across the country but that's about it...she bought holiday gifts for the people who work at the gas station down the street from their house.

waveseer · 12-23-2008, 03:52 AM

She needs to be seen by a doctor and evaluated for alzheimers and dementia. The result of that evaluation will help determine the next step. We hear a lot about parents who say hell no I won't go to the nursing home idea, but if she really doesn't have anyone, maybe assisted living would be fun for her, you never know. Ultimately, if need be she could live with your bf.

redhearts · 12-23-2008, 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burnttoast

my bf has a little sister who is also in college now. His mom's support system isn't great. She has a sister in law across the country but that's about it...she bought holiday gifts for the people who work at the gas station down the street from their house.

Sister in law? So she has a brother? I was going to suggest nursing home but I thought that be mean and too expensive. Like the payments fall on the burden of your bf.

burnttoast · 12-23-2008, 03:57 AM

sister in law--she had a husband who had a sister.
money's not an issue for them, she's more likely to hire a live in caretaker than go to a home. BF is worried that telling her she's losing it will crush her...so I guess he's waiting for a clear sign that she needs to be checked out.

12-23-2008, 03:39 AM	#1
burnttoast Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 54	Sick Parent...what to do My bf is just 21 but his only parent, his mother, is in her 60s and battling cancer. She's apparently also going downhill rather quickly in mental acuity--getting lost on the roads, calling him by his father's name all the time and not catching her mistake, no longer able to participate in her old hobbies because they are too frustrating now. He doesn't know what to do...he's still in college but worries about her being on her own and now that he's home for the holidays he sees it's getting worse. She's also depressed because she doesn't feel useful to anyone anymore. My question is: What can I suggest that would be helpful to him? And at what point should he seriously start to worry about her mentally?

12-23-2008, 03:45 AM	#2
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,062	Does he have any siblings? Does she? __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-23-2008, 03:52 AM	#4
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,062	She needs to be seen by a doctor and evaluated for alzheimers and dementia. The result of that evaluation will help determine the next step. We hear a lot about parents who say hell no I won't go to the nursing home idea, but if she really doesn't have anyone, maybe assisted living would be fun for her, you never know. Ultimately, if need be she could live with your bf. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-23-2008, 03:49 AM	#3
burnttoast Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 54	my bf has a little sister who is also in college now. His mom's support system isn't great. She has a sister in law across the country but that's about it...she bought holiday gifts for the people who work at the gas station down the street from their house.

12-23-2008, 03:57 AM	#6
burnttoast Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 54	sister in law--she had a husband who had a sister. money's not an issue for them, she's more likely to hire a live in caretaker than go to a home. BF is worried that telling her she's losing it will crush her...so I guess he's waiting for a clear sign that she needs to be checked out.