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  1. #1
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Ever feel like just finding a FWB???

    Yeah, ever feel like that? Esp after a long dry spell of not having dates or guys interested in you for dating.

    Part of me is sitting on the fencepost about this subject. Recently I had told you about the swinger guy who is interested in me and interested in dating me, but I find his lifestyle a bit hard to swallow. I know he wants to sleep with me. He's isn't rude or crass about it, but we did talk about that via texting recently. I still chat/text with him on occasions. He's wanted to meet up again. We did go on a date about a week ago. I've been afraid/reluctant to. Not sure why. He tells me he is into safe sex, which is a GOOD thing, and some days I am so dang horny, I just want some.

    But, I'm afraid. Maybe afraid I'd get attached. I dunno. I have enough issues dealing with my best friend (crazy first ex), that I'm not sure if having a true, bona-fide bf would even be possible. Whoever would date me, would have to understand my close friendship with my first ex. Not all guys can deal well with that.

    I also am afraid to have a sexual relationship with him, based on the fact that he also runs in the same social circles I do, which is not always a good thing.

    For those who have wanted to find a FWB, how do you do it, with least risk to yourself health-wise and emotional-wise?
    Last edited by renaissancewoman101; 12-18-2008 at 11:56 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    It's a tempting thought sometimes, but I wouldn't go through with it because it isn't worth it to me. Sex without emotion hurts too much.
    Look for the good in yourself and others, it will change your life.

  3. #3
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    Hmmm... I've been successful at having FWB, but for only short periods of time. But, it's just my personality that I longed for more connection, especially since the friends part was there first before the benefits, so it was hard for me to separate that all out.

    The only way you can really do it, is if you are sure you aren't hoping to reel him in as more later, and if you actually are confident you don't want to be in a relationship with this person. Then it is possible. But from reading your posts, it seems like you want more... I mean, if you can make it into a one night stand or two, there is nothing wrong with that... but I don't recommend a long term kind of FWB thing if you have any doubts about it, it usually... for me, long term FWB gets messed up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ready2heal View Post
    It's a tempting thought sometimes, but I wouldn't go through with it because it isn't worth it to me. Sex without emotion hurts too much.
    I've never been able to pull off the "sex without emotions". Maybe now that I'm a bit older and more mature, I might be able to. I dunno.

    It seems a lot of girls can do it.

    Volpe, I'm pretty sure I don't want to be in a long-term relationship with this guy. His swinger lifestyle is something I don't like.

    I want more than a ONS or FWB with someone (not with this guy though), but my prospects haven't exactly been appearing. Part of me is also hurt because the guy I do really like and am attracted to, he only sees me as a "friend" and from the times I've hung out with him, fenced with him, etc., I don't see that he likes me any other than as a friend.

    A while back, I did a FWB that lasted a few months. That ended messily and with me falling in love with him. I tried to save the friendship but it died out somehow. Something I still try to come to grips with

  5. #5
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101 View Post
    I've never been able to pull off the "sex without emotions". Maybe now that I'm a bit older and more mature, I might be able to. I dunno.

    It seems a lot of girls can do it.
    I actually could do it when I was experimenting with sex at high school age and as I got older I was less and less capable of keeping emotions out of it.
    Look for the good in yourself and others, it will change your life.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101 View Post
    I've never been able to pull off the "sex without emotions". Maybe now that I'm a bit older and more mature, I might be able to. I dunno.

    It seems a lot of girls can do it.
    Well this is your answer... if you can't do it, you can't do it... I'm sorry... I know it sucks... it sucks for me too, I've had a couple of really HOT sexual partners, but I just couldn't take it only being sexual and I ended it. It sucks!!

  7. #7
    Platinum Member renaissancewoman101's Avatar
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    Volpe, I have a hard time ending things. I usually wait till the other party "ends" it and I am stuck with some hurt feelings and lingering emotions. Maybe since I'm older and more cynical, this won't happen to me.

    I dunno.

    A thread by hersmudders (that I recently read) got me thinking again about this. She's such a strong gal.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    I am in that situation, Ren. I am looking for either a boyfriend or a FWB. I don't care which at this point. A girl's gotta eat. I want a boyfriend b/c I want the closeness, the laughter, the sharing stories, the sex, oh the regular sex. I want a FWB just to get some. Regularly.

    I hav eno problem separating emotions from sex. It's just easy for me. To be honest, I'm not really sure how I do it--it's just something I tell myself I need to do and I do it. My current FWB (which I'm actually in the market for a new one) just really sucks in bed and I don't like him much as a person, so it's easy to go over there, get mine (if you can call it that with him), and leave and not wonder about him the next day.

    I just find a guy I know I wouldn't want a relationship with and go for the sex. It's not hard really. Some things are major deal breakers for me: Does he want kids? If yes, then he's not long-term potential for me (but if he's good looking and the chemistry is otherwise there, we can sleep together--protected of course!). That's the only one I can think of now.

    Anyway, that's how I do it. I don't know if that helps or not.
    I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!

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  9. #9
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    well, once I had sex with this person and we both agreed never to call each other again after. it's not a bad idea, if you know you are the type to get attached and just want to get some to take the edge off for a little while. the hard part is to still not call, but if it's someone you don't want anything with really, it's possible.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member hers's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by renaissancewoman101 View Post

    A thread by hersmudders (that I recently read) got me thinking again about this. She's such a strong gal.
    Haha, if you only knew. When dude canceled on me tonight, I got sad, went to Target, bought "Mamma Mia" and brownies and baked them while singing Abba songs along to the DVD. I just miss having someone want me, whether it's a FWB or a boyfriend. It's nice to be wanted, you know? If I don't know I'm wanted in one way or another, I tend to feel more insecure.

    Which is why I think my job (dog walking/pet sitting) is so perfect for me; I walk into a house, and the dog is so happy to see me that it can't contain itself--it's spinning in circles, jumping, wagging its tail so hard that its whole body is shaking. I pretend they are thinking that they have been waiting for me all day and they are thrilled that I'm there b/c they love me so much. I know that may sound stupid, but it really helps my self-esteem a lot, knowing that I'm wanted like that.
    I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo!

    Spay and neuter your pets! Don't breed or buy while shelter animals die!

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