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  1. #1

    My teenager daughter hates me and treats me with contempt

    I found the site because I googled "my teenage daughter hates me, why" I have 3 daughters (22, 17 & 14) My relationships with my two oldest daughters are both wonderful and I can't remember ever feeling this way with them ever. We have just had our latest incident and as usual I am hurt and upset. She treats me with contempt most of the time and it is killing me. Our relationship has (up until last year) has been extremely close. We as a family spend a lot of time together. I don't know what I did wrong, but this is making me feel horrible about myself. I honestly don't know what to do. It is bringing forth a lot of issues for me and I don't know were to turn. I am trying not to take it personally, but it is not easy. Anybody else feeling this way?

  2. #2
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    I don't have a teenage daughter... but I do have a younger sister. Not wanting to seem insensitive... but I thought this was standard behavior from all teenagers to their parents? I think they tend to grow out of it... hormones and all that.
    The IMB Facts of Life:

    1. No contact, or punch him in the face. Anything else is more than he deserves
    2. Life is not what you see, its how you see it
    3. You can't swim unless you're in the water. So get in it. Then you have a choice. Swim, or drown
    4. Being wrong is an opportunity to be right next time
    5. Suffer, grow, overcome. The path to happiness

  3. #3

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    Are you giving her an early cerfew? Not letting her date? What is going on? I mean the way it is, is much different from when your oldest were her age.

  4. #4

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    Though I don't have any children I come from a bad family so I understand how you feel.

    My mum frustrates me and makes me angry a lot of the time but I do love and I am sure your daughter feels the same way.

    I don't get along well with my Dad or my brother. My Brother is obviously mentally ill but my Dad has been very mean recently so I don't talk to him very often anymore. When he tells me something I tell him to go away from me. It broke my heart today when he was happy about something important and I told him I did not care, but I can't keep on letting him treat me however he wants to just because he is in a bad mood. You've got to look after your own self respect.

    I think you need to take the same stance with your daughter because if you don't it could grow into something unmanageable. You need to sit her down and talk to her and find out what is the matter.

    If it is like my brother and she has some mental problems then I will be praying for you.

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  6. #5
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    hm, has something bad happened to her that you know of? She could be taking her aggression out on you.

    but honestly, thats how it is. I was screaming and fighting with my parents... but once I moved to college I realized my parents are pretty cool... and its not worth the stress being a pain!

  7. #6
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    Don't worry, despite it all I'm sure your daughter still loves you very much.

    I think it's normal for teenagers to go through phases.

    Do you think that maybe she has been sexually assaulted? I know that may seem like an odd question. But when that happened to me, I know my mom was the focus of much of my anger.

    If her behavior is really abnormal, maybe you could seek advice from a counselor.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member jengh's Avatar
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    I think this is relatively normal behavior. While I don't have a teenage daughter, I WAS one.. I was the daughter from hell. Disrespected my parents BIG time, "HATED" my mom, was just basically a piece of crap. I would sneak out, drink, do drugs... but I grew out of it when I went to college and you know what? Now my mom and I have an AMAZING relationship.
    JenSocietyOfSloreMaking!

    Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon? Tell me this was just a game we played called life...

  9. 12-08-2008, 03:04 AM
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  10. #8
    Gold Member ay0_x's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gracerules2008 View Post

    Unfortunately children have every right to hate their parents. You can enforce rules and guidelines in the household that they must abide by as long as they live there but you can't make them love you. You can't make them forgive you when you make mistakes. You can't really do anything about how they feel about you on the inside.
    So very true.
    If I wanted silence, I would whisper. If I wanted loneliness, I'd choose to go. If I liked rejection, I'd audition. & if I didn't love you... you would know.

  11. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by gracerules2008 View Post
    I've never really gone through a rebellious phase as a teenager but I have always despised my dad in secret. I still do resent him to this day and I hold him partially to blame for my brother's death. My brother committed suicide 11 years ago.

    Of course my dad doesn't know I'm feeling this way but one day he's going to do something that will piss me off enough to where I may just lash out and say "You killed my brother I hate you. I hope you die of a heart attack!" I don't think I would be sad at all if my dad died today.

    So I may not have been a disciplinary problem but I've let a lot of anger fester inside and to this day I still think of ways to get revenge on my father in ways that are not illegal. I sometimes think to myself "well maybe he'll be sorry once he's lost both sons." Part of the reason I got involved in self-mutilation was to prove a point to my dad that he could lose both sons.

    Unfortunately children have every right to hate their parents. You can enforce rules and guidelines in the household that they must abide by as long as they live there but you can't make them love you. You can't make them forgive you when you make mistakes. You can't really do anything about how they feel about you on the inside.
    the OP never said that she has done anything to her daughter.

    OP, I agree it's a kind of phase which is normal, but even still it's possible she might have perceived something you've done wrong against her. Or it could be something else in her life that is bothering her. Perhaps you could sit down with her and ask her what is wrong.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member bulletproof's Avatar
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    I don't have a teenage daughter, but I remember becoming openly angry at my father around the age of nine. I didn't even know why at the time. As an adult, I realized in therapy that was the the same year my mother started sleeping on the couch. It appears that I was aware of some friction with them and was holding him responsible for it.

    Are there problems in the marriage? How is her relationship with her other parent and her siblings? Has anything in the household or in her life at school or with peers changed? Is it possible that she, as the baby of the family, is spoiled at all and becoming disrespectful in general?
    I promise you this: it's not complicated, unique, or confusing. It's quite simple, actually.

    For a minute there, I lost myself...

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