Boyfriends daughter really hates me now!

Cadence_oO · 12-06-2008, 11:42 AM

And for no apparent reason!

From the time I met her,she has been friendly but with a certain aversion towards me.I thought we'll work it out in time,no big deal because she's a really great girl (15 years old).

Last night,since my daughter was soending the night with her dad I went over there.
It was about 3 a.m. when I heard a car pull over in the driveway.I went to check through the window and saw that it's her ex boyfriends car and both of them got out and entered the house.
It was a bit weird to me as she's seeing someone new now so I sneaked and wanted to listen to them in the living room from the top of the stairs.They started arguing but I couldn't hear a thing so I went down in the foyer and peaked in and saw him grabing her arm and then slamming her agains the wall,she instantly picked this HUGE crystal ashtray and threw it at his head,it actually hit him!

I was so shocked,I ran in and checked on both of them and then told him to leave,which he did.I have to say prior to this this boy was the sweetest,nicest boy ever!

She went to her room without a word,at first I thought she's just mad about everything that had happened but she now refuses to talk to me in any situation.
She's being perfectly cheery and happy but still manages to shot me a nastly look.I wanted to talk to her about what happened but she tells me 'None of your business'.
I of course told her dad about it and he said he'll talk to her (don't know if he did).And frankly I'm a bit worried about how come he doesn't know about any of this as her parent?!

I don't understand what had happened,I really don't?
Can anyone shed some light on me?

Plus,does anyone think that her throwing that ashtray on him was a bit over the top? I know he started it but she could have seriously hurt him!

jenny_mcs · 12-06-2008, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadence_oO

And for no apparent reason!

....
so I sneaked and wanted to listen to them in the living room from the top of the stairs.They started arguing but I couldn't hear a thing so I went down in the foyer and peaked in...

You really can't think of ANY reason why she is annoyed at you?

Cadence_oO · 12-06-2008, 12:00 PM

But what if I haven't stepped in? It could have ended a lot more serious!

For pete's sake she threw an enormous crystal ashtray at his head!

Crazyaboutdogs · 12-06-2008, 12:04 PM

There are a few things going on here
1) What's up with her father that he allows his 15 year old daughter to come waltzing home at 3:00 am and isn't even concerned about the late hour. Was he sleeping while all of this was happening? Isn't he concerned about the well-being of his daughter?
2. How old is your boyfriend? I am guessing that he is at least 35 if not older. He chose, as his girlfriend, a 25 year old, so it is not too surprising that a 15 year old teenager is not going to be too thrilled about her dad dating someone that young.
3. She is probably angry at you because she knows you would have told her dad. This ex was physically abusive to her and she was physically abusive back so there was a bad dynamic. Abusive situations are usually behind closed doors...abusers don't want witnesses and you were a witness, hence the dirty looks and the feigned cheerfulness.

Sounds to me that this is a totally dysfunctional family situation you have gotten yourself involved in.

jenny_mcs · 12-06-2008, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadence_oO

But what if I haven't stepped in? It could have ended a lot more serious!

For pete's sake she threw an enormous crystal ashtray at his head!

I looked at your older threads, and almost immediately once you started dating this new guy, you decided that his daughter was too spoiled, she didn't have enough discipline, and you wondered how you should let your bf know what he was doing wrong in raising his daughter.

You don't see the problem here? Her father is dating a much younger woman, having her sleep over at his house when his kids are there, and now this brand new girlfriend is trying to tell her father how to discipline her. You really really need to step back.

Cadence_oO · 12-06-2008, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

There are a few things going on here
1) What's up with her father that he allows his 15 year old daughter to come waltzing home at 3:00 am and isn't even concerned about the late hour. Was he sleeping while all of this was happening? Isn't he concerned about the well-being of his daughter?
2. How old is your boyfriend? I am guessing that he is at least 35 if not older. He chose, as his girlfriend, a 25 year old, so it is not too surprising that a 15 year old teenager is not going to be too thrilled about her dad dating someone that young.
3. She is probably angry at you because she knows you would have told her dad. This ex was physically abusive to her and she was physically abusive back so there was a bad dynamic. Abusive situations are usually behind closed doors...abusers don't want witnesses and you were a witness, hence the dirty looks and the feigned cheerfulness.

Sounds to me that this is a totally dysfunctional family situation you have gotten yourself involved in.

He's 40.
And I'm also (and have been for the past months) worried about his parenting.
They are a great family and he's a great dad,don't get me wrong.The kids are great,happy,popular and thriving.Coming home in early hours was something that worried me but he always said that it's not a big deal as she like to have her fun.

This completely shocked me.I didn't step in because I want to control her like,I did it because I was scared of what might happen if I didn't!

Cadence_oO · 12-06-2008, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jenny_mcs

I looked at your older threads, and almost immediately once you started dating this new guy, you decided that his daughter was too spoiled, she didn't have enough discipline, and you wondered how you should let your bf know what he was doing wrong in raising his daughter.

You don't see the problem here? Her father is dating a much younger woman, having her sleep over at his house when his kids are there, and now this brand new girlfriend is trying to tell her father how to discipline her. You really really need to step back.

I took the advice you have given me and I realized that me butting in his parental decisions is wrong.
But the reason I went down there this time is because I was worried! I didn't have time to go and wake her dad up while an ashtray was flying towards that boy's head.

Cadence_oO · 12-06-2008, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria66

You should have woken her father so HE could witness it and deal with it. But you had time to sneak down to listen, that was not your job. Get him up and tell him to go spy.

I just wanted to see if everything is ok...

I didn't want to spy on her,just as precauson...

yeawutever · 12-06-2008, 12:17 PM

Hate to say it but I would have done the same thing if my b/f ever lay a hand on me. As for stepping me, I don't think you should have done that but rather go away quietly and inform the father what you saw.

Ac143 · 12-06-2008, 12:17 PM

Yeah definitely waiting up the father would have been the right thing to do. But its too late now & over with, did you tell your BF this happened? How did he react? Did he talk to his daughter?

Its crazy that a 15yr can stay out until 3am...wow! I think I was allowed out until 9pm at 15 lol. She is bound to get in trouble again staying out that late. But that's a whole nother thread.

12-06-2008, 11:42 AM	#1
Cadence_oO Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Conneticut Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 204	Boyfriends daughter really hates me now! update pg.6 And for no apparent reason! From the time I met her,she has been friendly but with a certain aversion towards me.I thought we'll work it out in time,no big deal because she's a really great girl (15 years old). Last night,since my daughter was soending the night with her dad I went over there. It was about 3 a.m. when I heard a car pull over in the driveway.I went to check through the window and saw that it's her ex boyfriends car and both of them got out and entered the house. It was a bit weird to me as she's seeing someone new now so I sneaked and wanted to listen to them in the living room from the top of the stairs.They started arguing but I couldn't hear a thing so I went down in the foyer and peaked in and saw him grabing her arm and then slamming her agains the wall,she instantly picked this HUGE crystal ashtray and threw it at his head,it actually hit him! I was so shocked,I ran in and checked on both of them and then told him to leave,which he did.I have to say prior to this this boy was the sweetest,nicest boy ever! She went to her room without a word,at first I thought she's just mad about everything that had happened but she now refuses to talk to me in any situation. She's being perfectly cheery and happy but still manages to shot me a nastly look.I wanted to talk to her about what happened but she tells me 'None of your business'. I of course told her dad about it and he said he'll talk to her (don't know if he did).And frankly I'm a bit worried about how come he doesn't know about any of this as her parent?! I don't understand what had happened,I really don't? Can anyone shed some light on me? Plus,does anyone think that her throwing that ashtray on him was a bit over the top? I know he started it but she could have seriously hurt him! __________________ Alexis Elisabeth,March 3rd 2006. My little cookie. Last edited by Cadence_oO; 12-07-2008 at 06:48 AM.

12-06-2008, 12:00 PM	#3
Cadence_oO Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Conneticut Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 204	But what if I haven't stepped in? It could have ended a lot more serious! For pete's sake she threw an enormous crystal ashtray at his head! __________________ Alexis Elisabeth,March 3rd 2006. My little cookie.

12-06-2008, 12:17 PM	#9
yeawutever Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Gender: None Specified Age: 22 Posts: 5,671	Hate to say it but I would have done the same thing if my b/f ever lay a hand on me. As for stepping me, I don't think you should have done that but rather go away quietly and inform the father what you saw. __________________ Opened-minded to those in need of help. Not everything is black and white as it seems.... If you're gonna do something, think twice and make sure it's something worthy that you don't later on regret!!!!!!!!!!! Still in a LDR with boyfriend.

12-06-2008, 12:04 PM	#4
Crazyaboutdogs Online Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,626	There are a few things going on here 1) What's up with her father that he allows his 15 year old daughter to come waltzing home at 3:00 am and isn't even concerned about the late hour. Was he sleeping while all of this was happening? Isn't he concerned about the well-being of his daughter? 2. How old is your boyfriend? I am guessing that he is at least 35 if not older. He chose, as his girlfriend, a 25 year old, so it is not too surprising that a 15 year old teenager is not going to be too thrilled about her dad dating someone that young. 3. She is probably angry at you because she knows you would have told her dad. This ex was physically abusive to her and she was physically abusive back so there was a bad dynamic. Abusive situations are usually behind closed doors...abusers don't want witnesses and you were a witness, hence the dirty looks and the feigned cheerfulness. Sounds to me that this is a totally dysfunctional family situation you have gotten yourself involved in.

12-06-2008, 12:17 PM	#10
Ac143 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Paradise city.... Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 2,262	Yeah definitely waiting up the father would have been the right thing to do. But its too late now & over with, did you tell your BF this happened? How did he react? Did he talk to his daughter? Its crazy that a 15yr can stay out until 3am...wow! I think I was allowed out until 9pm at 15 lol. She is bound to get in trouble again staying out that late. But that's a whole nother thread.