In one heck of a rut

[kitchentable]

OK, two years ago I had just gotten a very prestigious job in d.c. I was working out every day and my free time was consumed with hobbies and friends. I started dating this amazing girl. I decided to live with an old college buddy and was given permission to work from home (the company was relocating). The relationship seemed destined for marriage to me. Combine working from home with a roommate who really had no drive (although fun to hang out with) and a girlfriend with depression problems I started to lose my motivation. Fast forward to this past sept, had a nasty break up with the ex and she started sleeping with a mutual friend days after our breakup, I lost my job because the company went out of business, and with the current economy I couldn't find another job. Now I'm working for relatives in a different city, my debt is out of control and I make half what I used to. I'm signed up to go back to the gym, I'm going back to college in the spring, but I can' focus on anything other than how the hell my life got so screwed up. I keep playing it all over in my head and blaming myself for getting complacent, and letting all of these negative influences affect my life. I'm angry with myself for allowing my life to get this messed up. I'm pretty depressed, I can't focus at work, the only thing that gets me out of bed is anger. I don't want pills and I know what I need to do to fix it. How do I stop dwelling? I try reading but I can't help but relate to everything I read and think about how I should have seen this coming. Any advice? Any words of wisdom? I've never failed before, I've come close but I have always ended up getting by.

[waveseer]

I have "come to" a couple of times in my life and realized I was far from where I wanted and needed to be personal growth wise. Here is what I did to change:

1. Accept that I cannot change the past nor my decisions in the past. I must forgive myself if I am ever going to change effectively and permanently.

2. Understand that my life did not fall apart in an instant and will not be rebuilt in an instant. It will take time and I need to be patient with myself.

3. Give myself permission to be happy. As long as I am doing all the right things today, it's okay to be happy, take a little time off once in a while for good behavior, and lighten up in general.

Hope this helps.

[MollyElise]

To start off, EVERYONE fails sometimes, if you don't try and fail, you won't ever make it.

I think you are doing the right thing, thinking about and analyzing what choices you made and why you made them and how they affected where you are today. Now you just have to take those lessons and apply them in the future.

Joining the gym is great, you should try and find other things that you enjoy doing. Get back to where you are busy and satisfied. You may not have the same things available where you are as compared to DC, but there are other things that can bring you alot of joy.

For some reason, building something keeps popping in my mind. Maybe some type of construction, farming or car work? Make a tree house for your family's kids? Get a clunker and someone to help you fix it up? Build a fence or some other type of project for a neighbor or family member?

I think we are similair, in that I do not feel satisfied unless I am working towards something. A good exercise I use is to think about people I see on the street or know in my life that I admire, and then focus on what makes me admire them, then try to instill that in my life, kind of a fake it until you make it.

As far as money, try to remember that $ doesn't make you happy. I would bet if you look around you now you will probably see just as many, if not more, happy and satisifed people there than in DC.

[ghost69]

yeah, that really sucks. but you know what? you know what the bottom feels like. now all you can do is look forward and just know that things will get better. YOU can make them better. we only cherish the best things in life and high points in our life cause we have experience low spots such as this. keep your head up man.