Serious issues with family

loneliestever · 12-01-2008, 01:35 PM

Thanks to all.

waveseer · 12-01-2008, 01:39 PM

You are under no obligation to be around people who mistreat you.

loneliestever · 12-01-2008, 02:10 PM

Thanks for replying. I agree but I think I'm probably fueling their behavior and that has to change.

waveseer · 12-01-2008, 02:13 PM

I agree with you in the respect that you are placing yourself in a position to be hurt. I could be wrong, but it seems to me your presence is the trigger.

alli · 12-01-2008, 02:39 PM

Honestly I think you should move out & get your own place, but since you don't want to indicate your culture & religion I don't know how acceptable that would be in your society. If your coworkers found out you moved into your own apartment would they see that as being weird & wrong?

Maybe you should distance yourself from your brothers. Work at times when they are home & go home at times that they are not there. Get some things to do outside of your home. Take up a sport or take some sort of class so you aren't sitting at home. Find things to do & work on them in your room. You have already learned that your brothers are inacapable of carrying on a civil conversation with you so you might as well not try to talk to them about things that are important to you. Basically, ignore them. Talk to your parents in a civil matter but leave your brothers out of the conversation.

Again, I think the best thing for you to do would be to move out. But if that is not an option, don't talk to your brothers more than you have to because it doesn't do you any good.

loneliestever · 12-01-2008, 03:01 PM

So if I'm the trigger I wonder if there really isn't anything that can be done.

Alli thanks for the reply. Living alone is not very accepted but I could always keep it to myself.

My parents are not exactly people I could talk to either, they both like to point out that everything is wrong and conversations are terribly passive aggressive until I explode.

I wonder if isolation is the only option, when I was a teenager we spent days without talking to each other, sometimes I even avoided meals so I wouldn't see them... I don't know what went so wrong.

waveseer · 12-01-2008, 03:15 PM

It isn't your fault, they have been mistreating you for no reason at all. You were the scapegoat and all you can do is take care of yourself.

alli · 12-01-2008, 03:16 PM

Some families just decide to have a Black Sheep. It is not the Black Sheep's fault; the family just needs to place the blame somewhere so why not load it all on one person & spare everyone else? I'm sure you haven't been perfect but really, no one is. Obviously your brothers aren't perfect or else they wouldn't be treating you like crap. Isolate yourself from those people who make your life harder & get closer to people outside your family. Hang out with your coworkers more, try to find at least one person whom you guys can be really good friends. Go on a few dates & meet nice girls.

Again, I'm not sure what is appropriate in your culture so pick & choose whatever advice will work for you!

loneliestever · 12-02-2008, 11:55 AM

I'll be thinking about what you both said, I appreciate your help, thank you.

la'isla · 12-02-2008, 12:08 PM

can you get help from your religious leader? as a mediator to your family conflict.

12-01-2008, 01:35 PM	#1
loneliestever Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 31	Serious issues with family Thanks to all. Last edited by loneliestever; 12-15-2008 at 10:10 AM. Reason: It was very personal.

12-01-2008, 01:39 PM	#2
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	You are under no obligation to be around people who mistreat you. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-01-2008, 02:13 PM	#4
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	I agree with you in the respect that you are placing yourself in a position to be hurt. I could be wrong, but it seems to me your presence is the trigger. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-01-2008, 03:15 PM	#7
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	It isn't your fault, they have been mistreating you for no reason at all. You were the scapegoat and all you can do is take care of yourself. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

12-01-2008, 02:10 PM	#3
loneliestever Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 31	Thanks for replying. I agree but I think I'm probably fueling their behavior and that has to change.

12-01-2008, 02:39 PM	#5
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 2,364	Honestly I think you should move out & get your own place, but since you don't want to indicate your culture & religion I don't know how acceptable that would be in your society. If your coworkers found out you moved into your own apartment would they see that as being weird & wrong? Maybe you should distance yourself from your brothers. Work at times when they are home & go home at times that they are not there. Get some things to do outside of your home. Take up a sport or take some sort of class so you aren't sitting at home. Find things to do & work on them in your room. You have already learned that your brothers are inacapable of carrying on a civil conversation with you so you might as well not try to talk to them about things that are important to you. Basically, ignore them. Talk to your parents in a civil matter but leave your brothers out of the conversation. Again, I think the best thing for you to do would be to move out. But if that is not an option, don't talk to your brothers more than you have to because it doesn't do you any good.

12-01-2008, 03:01 PM	#6
loneliestever Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 31	So if I'm the trigger I wonder if there really isn't anything that can be done. Alli thanks for the reply. Living alone is not very accepted but I could always keep it to myself. My parents are not exactly people I could talk to either, they both like to point out that everything is wrong and conversations are terribly passive aggressive until I explode. I wonder if isolation is the only option, when I was a teenager we spent days without talking to each other, sometimes I even avoided meals so I wouldn't see them... I don't know what went so wrong.

12-01-2008, 03:16 PM	#8
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 2,364	Some families just decide to have a Black Sheep. It is not the Black Sheep's fault; the family just needs to place the blame somewhere so why not load it all on one person & spare everyone else? I'm sure you haven't been perfect but really, no one is. Obviously your brothers aren't perfect or else they wouldn't be treating you like crap. Isolate yourself from those people who make your life harder & get closer to people outside your family. Hang out with your coworkers more, try to find at least one person whom you guys can be really good friends. Go on a few dates & meet nice girls. Again, I'm not sure what is appropriate in your culture so pick & choose whatever advice will work for you!

12-02-2008, 11:55 AM	#9
loneliestever Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 31	I'll be thinking about what you both said, I appreciate your help, thank you.

12-02-2008, 12:08 PM	#10
la'isla Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Canadian Gender: Female Posts: 2,308	can you get help from your religious leader? as a mediator to your family conflict.