Pre-Marital Counselling

allypally · 11-20-2008, 03:57 PM

Just interested to know how many of you have gone through this prior to marriage.

Has it helped you before taking one of the biggest steps in your life? Maybe you decided marriage wasn't a good idea at that stage of your life/relationship.

I am thinking about suggesting this to my fiance as I don't think I am ready to go ahead with marriage yet and want to get to know my fiance better.

Valina · 11-20-2008, 04:08 PM

In my opinion, the purpose of pre-marital counseling is to make sure that you and your fiance are on the same page about your life ahead of you. Ie. values, number of kids, etc. If you are not ready to go ahead with marriage, as you write in your post, this sounds like a different issue.

waveseer · 11-20-2008, 04:08 PM

I went to pre-marital counseling prior to each marriage. My opinion is this, unless you go for a year it's too easy to float through on the pink cloud of an impending marriage. None of my marriages worked out so a minimum amount of pre-marital didn't help me.

Aviatormy · 11-20-2008, 04:35 PM

I myself have not experienced this but my sister was engaged for 4 years prior to marriage. Her and her fiance at the time went for a couple years before marriage and TO THIS DAY, they still go to counselling. They do not have any problems in their marriage that I know of but they continue to go because it works for them.

I think it would be a great idea for your fiance and you to go to counselling but I would not stop once you get married.

I think it is a great way to get to know each other better.

This reminds me of a quote from a movie (not sure of the exact words though)

"Treat every relationship like school, When a man wants to get a womans attention, he will study her. He will find out her likes a dislikes. Upon establishing a relationship with her, the amount of information he knows about her is the equivalent of a high school diploma. A man should never stop learning about his wife though. Once married he should continue to learn about her till he obtains his associates, bachelors, masters and ultimately his doctrine"

tangi39 · 11-20-2008, 05:01 PM

I went with my husband. Of course, we had already been datign several years prior to this, so there wasn't a lot about life we hadn't discussed.

I still think it was a good idea, it really does make you aware of the gravity of the decision to marry, that it isn't to be taken light and help you learn how you differ and in which aspects youmay need to make compromises.

In terms of the relationship, Counseling cannot possibly prepare you for every scenario that may come it, Nothing can. BUT it is still a good source to have.

blueheart · 12-19-2008, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allypally

Has it helped you before taking one of the biggest steps in your life? Maybe you decided marriage wasn't a good idea at that stage of your life/relationship.

I am thinking about suggesting this to my fiance as I don't think I am ready to go ahead with marriage yet and want to get to know my fiance better.

Do it. We did it the first time then realized we weren't ready. We went to counselling...still had problems. We're now married, still have problems. If you have doubt, you need to not get married until your doubts are close to none.

blueheart · 12-19-2008, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aviatormy

I myself have not experienced this but my sister was engaged for 4 years prior to marriage. Her and her fiance at the time went for a couple years before marriage and TO THIS DAY, they still go to counselling. They do not have any problems in their marriage that I know of but they continue to go because it works for them.

I think it would be a great idea for your fiance and you to go to counselling but I would not stop once you get married.

I think it is a great way to get to know each other better.

I totally agree. Everyone in their life learns things about themselves, that even their spouse wouldn't recognize or even tell you. The counselor can address issues you may not even know you have. To go separately would help you alot in the long run. Professional counselors (even though I used to think they're nuts) know what they're talking about, so don't leave that aside until you have to do it. Do it now. Somone outside the relationship (and not a friend) will do you wonders.

gracerules2008 · 12-19-2008, 11:11 PM

I think pre-marital counseling would be good for everyone. I'm thinking of saving up money to get some pre-marital counseling for myself even though I don't want to get married anytime soon.

Botched · 12-19-2008, 11:22 PM

Pre marital counseling, couples counseling...The problem with pre-marital in my mind is that you are both so excited and hopefull that "problems" seem like someone elses problem.

I am all for it...but I would do some baisc couples counseling. Reduce the marriage presure and get to the point of how things work now, without the pressure of forever. If you have a desire to see a therapist I figure you really should.

redhearts · 12-21-2008, 03:01 AM

Some people just need to know that marriage doesn't fix your problems, neither does a baby. Maybe pre-marital counseling will open someones eyes.

11-20-2008, 03:57 PM	#1
allypally Offline Silver Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,045	Pre-Marital Counselling Just interested to know how many of you have gone through this prior to marriage. Has it helped you before taking one of the biggest steps in your life? Maybe you decided marriage wasn't a good idea at that stage of your life/relationship. I am thinking about suggesting this to my fiance as I don't think I am ready to go ahead with marriage yet and want to get to know my fiance better.

11-20-2008, 04:08 PM	#3
waveseer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: In a world full of possibilities. Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 11,065	I went to pre-marital counseling prior to each marriage. My opinion is this, unless you go for a year it's too easy to float through on the pink cloud of an impending marriage. None of my marriages worked out so a minimum amount of pre-marital didn't help me. __________________ Whoever dies with the most "happy" wins! ~ shuttlefish profile pic explained: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl6yXBnLYYM and more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKnw9TM_AAI and if you weren't convinced: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3fPtMuBtMs and if you're not sick yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTvUT_Hx4Dc to accept your partner: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgP57lJvWRw

11-20-2008, 04:35 PM	#4
Aviatormy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Albuquerque NM Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 1,115	I myself have not experienced this but my sister was engaged for 4 years prior to marriage. Her and her fiance at the time went for a couple years before marriage and TO THIS DAY, they still go to counselling. They do not have any problems in their marriage that I know of but they continue to go because it works for them. I think it would be a great idea for your fiance and you to go to counselling but I would not stop once you get married. I think it is a great way to get to know each other better. This reminds me of a quote from a movie (not sure of the exact words though) "Treat every relationship like school, When a man wants to get a womans attention, he will study her. He will find out her likes a dislikes. Upon establishing a relationship with her, the amount of information he knows about her is the equivalent of a high school diploma. A man should never stop learning about his wife though. Once married he should continue to learn about her till he obtains his associates, bachelors, masters and ultimately his doctrine" __________________ "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be"

11-20-2008, 04:08 PM	#2
Valina Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 51	In my opinion, the purpose of pre-marital counseling is to make sure that you and your fiance are on the same page about your life ahead of you. Ie. values, number of kids, etc. If you are not ready to go ahead with marriage, as you write in your post, this sounds like a different issue.

11-20-2008, 05:01 PM	#5
tangi39 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 925	I went with my husband. Of course, we had already been datign several years prior to this, so there wasn't a lot about life we hadn't discussed. I still think it was a good idea, it really does make you aware of the gravity of the decision to marry, that it isn't to be taken light and help you learn how you differ and in which aspects youmay need to make compromises. In terms of the relationship, Counseling cannot possibly prepare you for every scenario that may come it, Nothing can. BUT it is still a good source to have.

12-19-2008, 11:11 PM	#8
gracerules2008 Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Virginia Gender: Male Age: 29 Posts: 607	I think pre-marital counseling would be good for everyone. I'm thinking of saving up money to get some pre-marital counseling for myself even though I don't want to get married anytime soon.

12-19-2008, 11:22 PM	#9
Botched Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: State of Change Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 162	Pre marital counseling, couples counseling...The problem with pre-marital in my mind is that you are both so excited and hopefull that "problems" seem like someone elses problem. I am all for it...but I would do some baisc couples counseling. Reduce the marriage presure and get to the point of how things work now, without the pressure of forever. If you have a desire to see a therapist I figure you really should.

12-21-2008, 03:01 AM	#10
redhearts Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 4,623	Some people just need to know that marriage doesn't fix your problems, neither does a baby. Maybe pre-marital counseling will open someones eyes.