Girlfriend having slight self esteem problem...

HellFrost666 · 11-07-2008, 09:26 PM

I wasn't sure where else to put this.

My girlfriend works as a bar tender at night and in an office during the day. Working at the bar she has a lot of guys hitting on her. But lately she's had a lot of older men hitting on her because they think she's around 35. Some have even guessed her at 40.

Her birthday is coming up (She will turn 29) and tonight her Mom, her step dad and I went to see her at work. They were kind of slow tonight for a Friday, we sat out on the patio and she came and sat with us a few times for ten minutes or so. Her step dad went in to get another round at one point and he was in there quite a while. This guy who I would guess at about 60 came over and started flirting with her Mom, and her. And he asked if they were sisters and her Mom said no they are Mother and Daughter. And the guy looked at my girlfriend and said "So I'de say you're about 35/36, so that would make you (her Mom) how old?"

I could tell she was a little wounded by that. When the guy went away I told her he was nuts and drunk and needs his eyes checked.

With her 29th birthday coming up I can tell she's a little but bothered by comments like this. No, 29 is not old, but the timing is really bad that people keep saying these things when she's about to turn one year older.

And she looks younger then her age, in my opinion. When I met her she was 25 and I would have guessed her easily at 21. In fact for a second I let that hold me back from even trying any move on her. I thought she would probably think I was too old for her.

She doesn't dress like someone who is older either. She dresses, in fact, younger then most women her age.

People have told her in the passed that she has "old eyes." In other words the look in her eyes is the look of a person wise beyond her year. And she is that. WHen she was growing up her parents were partiers who would take off partying all weekend with their biker friends and leave her alone with her three younger ciblings. And when she was 7 she had her own house key and she came home from school and was there alone for several hours, even cooking her own dinner. So, she grew up faster then other kids. I think she is what some people call and old soul. But that is meant in a positive way not a negative way.

I just know it's starting to bother her and I hate seeing my baby upset about anything. I just want some opinions I guess.

Sn0man · 11-07-2008, 09:36 PM

Well, you can't do anything about what other people say to her about how old she looks - but you can make her feel young all the time. Just remind her all the time about how she looks to you. Those other opinions wont hold much water when the important people in her life tell her otherwise.

**annie24** · 11-07-2008, 10:09 PM

my 2 cents is that most of these older 'gentlemen' who are hitting on the younger bartenders are losers and probably aren't great at judging how old a woman is, especially given the bad lighting, cigarette smoke, and the fact that they've had 4 or 8 beers...... unfortunately, i think stupid drunk behavior comes with the job of being a bartender. i bet she doesn't have drunk 60 year old guys hitting on her at 8 AM at her office job?

bulletproof · 11-07-2008, 10:09 PM

Maybe just try to explain to her that it's how she carries herself. Chances are that is exactly what is happening- people that are mature and have lots of responsibility do show it, to some degree.

For her bday coming up, you could get her a nice spa day, if she likes that sort of stuff. She might be working too hard.

**arwen** · 11-07-2008, 10:26 PM

Those men must be really silly, because if there is ONE way to flatter a woman (above 25 I'd guess), is to say she looks like 23.

I think in the case you describe with her mother, they were maybe hitting on her mom, and making your gf 'older' so your mom is 'younger.

11-07-2008, 09:26 PM	#1
HellFrost666 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Planet Marclar Gender: Male Age: 31 Posts: 1,534	Girlfriend having slight self esteem problem... I wasn't sure where else to put this. My girlfriend works as a bar tender at night and in an office during the day. Working at the bar she has a lot of guys hitting on her. But lately she's had a lot of older men hitting on her because they think she's around 35. Some have even guessed her at 40. Her birthday is coming up (She will turn 29) and tonight her Mom, her step dad and I went to see her at work. They were kind of slow tonight for a Friday, we sat out on the patio and she came and sat with us a few times for ten minutes or so. Her step dad went in to get another round at one point and he was in there quite a while. This guy who I would guess at about 60 came over and started flirting with her Mom, and her. And he asked if they were sisters and her Mom said no they are Mother and Daughter. And the guy looked at my girlfriend and said "So I'de say you're about 35/36, so that would make you (her Mom) how old?" I could tell she was a little wounded by that. When the guy went away I told her he was nuts and drunk and needs his eyes checked. With her 29th birthday coming up I can tell she's a little but bothered by comments like this. No, 29 is not old, but the timing is really bad that people keep saying these things when she's about to turn one year older. And she looks younger then her age, in my opinion. When I met her she was 25 and I would have guessed her easily at 21. In fact for a second I let that hold me back from even trying any move on her. I thought she would probably think I was too old for her. She doesn't dress like someone who is older either. She dresses, in fact, younger then most women her age. People have told her in the passed that she has "old eyes." In other words the look in her eyes is the look of a person wise beyond her year. And she is that. WHen she was growing up her parents were partiers who would take off partying all weekend with their biker friends and leave her alone with her three younger ciblings. And when she was 7 she had her own house key and she came home from school and was there alone for several hours, even cooking her own dinner. So, she grew up faster then other kids. I think she is what some people call and old soul. But that is meant in a positive way not a negative way. I just know it's starting to bother her and I hate seeing my baby upset about anything. I just want some opinions I guess. __________________ I wish that it might come to pass Not fade like all my dreams Just think of what my life might be In a world like I have seen I dont think I can carry on Carry on this cold and empty life Oh...no! My spirits are low in the depths of despair My lifeblood spills over... Don't worry... the middle 6 is still silent.

11-07-2008, 09:36 PM	#2
Sn0man Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: BC Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 2,171	Well, you can't do anything about what other people say to her about how old she looks - but you can make her feel young all the time. Just remind her all the time about how she looks to you. Those other opinions wont hold much water when the important people in her life tell her otherwise. __________________ I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It's hitting below the intellect. If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.

11-07-2008, 10:09 PM	#4
bulletproof Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,027	Maybe just try to explain to her that it's how she carries herself. Chances are that is exactly what is happening- people that are mature and have lots of responsibility do show it, to some degree. For her bday coming up, you could get her a nice spa day, if she likes that sort of stuff. She might be working too hard. __________________ A lot is two words. Prolly is not a word at all. Immerse your soul in love.

11-07-2008, 10:26 PM	#5
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	Those men must be really silly, because if there is ONE way to flatter a woman (above 25 I'd guess), is to say she looks like 23. I think in the case you describe with her mother, they were maybe hitting on her mom, and making your gf 'older' so your mom is 'younger. __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

11-07-2008, 10:09 PM	#3
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,824	my 2 cents is that most of these older 'gentlemen' who are hitting on the younger bartenders are losers and probably aren't great at judging how old a woman is, especially given the bad lighting, cigarette smoke, and the fact that they've had 4 or 8 beers...... unfortunately, i think stupid drunk behavior comes with the job of being a bartender. i bet she doesn't have drunk 60 year old guys hitting on her at 8 AM at her office job?