I hate my in law

SaBinh · 11-07-2008, 01:51 PM

My step Father in Law, I couldn't stand his temper and his abusive attitude. He didn’t like me from the start, until now I still don’t know why and what the hell is his problem. I mean noticed it, all he did was pretended to be nice to me in front everybody and later acted totally strange to me.
I never thought the guy could carry on this long. Whenever I had a problem with him; he sure has a lot of experienced about vengeance. He managed to get his way no matter what.
I couldn’t believe how stupid I was, to even consider one day that this old man might have some kind a change of heart. All those talked and family meetings none of those seem to matter. For all he knows right now is doing whatever benefits him.
You know at this point, from my experienced with this old man. I think he’s still an abusive and controlling person mentally. What really hard to believe about this old man were all the stories my wife told me of how he abused her most of her life until she ran away to stay with her friend. I mean the old guy even tried to molest her when she’s 15 yrs old. My wife hated the way he talked her in public and how he favor his son in front of her. She witnessed years of abused his wife and cheated on her. What really hurt and pissed me of that witnessed my wife in tears and fears of this old man.

My mother in law is a Bipolar Disorder II, it's a headache tried to understand that woman. One day she nice the next day she had a lot * * * * to say. The worst part was witnessed my wife cried because of her them mood swings.
I don’t see what the big deal with her and my daughters is right now. I always thought she has no time for them, because all I heard that she so busy remodel her house. Most of the times my daughters told me when they over there, all they did were watch TV while she naps on the couch or helped her husband works outside the house.
I’m so sick of her whining of how she bench her back for my wife and my girls and how she watch the girls for us and how she helped my wife and be there for her”.

My brother in law, boy where do I start with this guy? He’s definitely a weird one in the family. For years I’ve been put up with this guy bad mouth about me.
I mean this dude he talked like he knew all about family life and lecture my wife about astuteness. Which is doesn’t seem to make sense to me after I gazed at his life. Because what seeing from him right now is someone who always high on drug whenever he’s around my family, a guy who has a history of raped his stepsister, a guy who couldn’t or didn't want anything to do with his kids for years and his daughter tried to commit suicide, especially a jealous rage person who got into a big fight with his parents then tried to sue his parents because he thought that his own father favored me instead of him.
What really got me of that when we had problem with his parents. He somehow just butts in like he knew everything about our problems and pointed out family dishonor * * * * toward us. Especially to me, I got so anxious about his hate comments toward me on my wife blog. I never get a chance to respond to his hate comments because my wife scared and blocked the blog. Its heart broken to witnessed my wife in tears about the whole thing. It's like he live his life for this type of moments or something. What a hypocrite I tell you.

Right now I don't talk to them and my wife kind a ignore them too. But I know that as long I'm still married I will deal with them in the future somehow. I don't really want to see them or deal with them in the future at all. I sure don't want to divorce my wife because of them.

alli · 11-07-2008, 02:31 PM

It sucks when the person you love has relatives like that. Your father in law & brother in law should never be alone in the presence of your daughters.. they have a history of violating women.

I know someone like your father in law. My stepmom tells us stories about her sister's husband. A long time ago, he raped his wife's 16 year old sister. She got pregnant & he claimed she "was asking for it". His wife's family took his side for some reason. That was probably 40 or 50 years ago, but they are still together today, despite this incident & years of him abusing his wife, my stepmom's sister. My stepmom loathes him; she used to tell my dad about him & my dad always thought "oh, he can't be that bad" until the day my dad met him. He really is that bad.

Some people you can't reason with. You can spend eternity angry & frustrated with them or you can minimize your contact with them as much as possible. If your wife wants to see her family, that is her choice, but of course she will understand if you have no desire to communicate with them. And again, do NOT leave your daughters alone with either of those men. And by "alone" I mean without the supervision of you or your wife. Your mother-in-law does not count as supervision.

SaBinh · 11-07-2008, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alli

It sucks when the person you love has relatives like that. Your father in law & brother in law should never be alone in the presence of your daughters.. they have a history of violating women.

I know someone like your father in law. My stepmom tells us stories about her sister's husband. A long time ago, he raped his wife's 16 year old sister. She got pregnant & he claimed she "was asking for it". His wife's family took his side for some reason. That was probably 40 or 50 years ago, but they are still together today, despite this incident & years of him abusing his wife, my stepmom's sister. My stepmom loathes him; she used to tell my dad about him & my dad always thought "oh, he can't be that bad" until the day my dad met him. He really is that bad.

Some people you can't reason with. You can spend eternity angry & frustrated with them or you can minimize your contact with them as much as possible. If your wife wants to see her family, that is her choice, but of course she will understand if you have no desire to communicate with them. And again, do NOT leave your daughters alone with either of those men. And by "alone" I mean without the supervision of you or your wife. Your mother-in-law does not count as supervision.

Thanks Alli, your opinion count. I’ll definitely keep in mind about manage my kids around them.

SaBinh · 06-20-2009, 02:48 PM

Tomorrow is Father's Day and i know i'm going to be all alone for sure. it's hurt to think about it, i'm crying so loud inside my heart try to understand why this happen to me. why me? how come i am the one to be left alone and take all these pains. I know my daughters happy with my wife and my wife happy with her new man. I should be happy for them and move on but here i am doing this to myself, all alone and so confuse with my life. God please help me make it thru.....

SaBinh · 06-22-2009, 01:53 AM

here is the exact letter I sent to my wife lawyer on 12/18/2009. Up till today I didn't get any respond. I thought I share everyone here and hope to get some feed back. I hope I know what I'm doing on this one, please let me know if you see something wrong or I did it wrong. Thanks

RL = My Wife
SFIL = Step Father-in-law
SBIL = Step Brother-in-law
FFAG = My wife HS x-boyfriend

Dear Wife Attorney,

I thought it over a lot about our last conversation we had over the phone on 11/03/2009. I check the phone log we talked for almost 40 minutes and I knew I wasn’t ready to discuss every detail with you that day. After I talked to you I did some research on your firm, I found out that you guys has a really good reputation in Central Oregon.

Now the trial rescheduled to 1/14/ 2010 9:45AM and our status on 1/12/2010 1:00PM. I don’t understand why the schedule kept changing. I’m exhausted with all the scheduled, and the traveling back and forth, not able to make decision to move forward in my life because of my divorce. I talked to my family and friends about my situation I’m in and they all urge me to get a lawyer.

I thought it over a lot and yes I do need the attorney to trial with you guys so before I go and seek an attorney. I want to write to you and RL knows what my intention. I’ll try to explain everything out so hopefully RL can understand and settle this without trial.

So here’s my side of the story on our marriage for the last 10 years.

We got married in 1998 have two beautiful daughters lived a happy life until 2002 we both loose our jobs in the same week and things got obscured in the family. On 1/24/2003 RL and I got into a physical argument and I end up got arrested, here’s a [link disable by SaBinh] for more detail about it on that day

I took it to trial and lost it. I got sentence for a year and the Judge allowed RL to visit me while I’m in a Penitentiary. We communicated through phone and letters and later on we understand our circumstances. I found myself to forgives everything and move forward with RL. I got released in 2004 stay with my parents took my Anger Management program then move to Redmond lived with RL and helped SFIL with his construction work.

A few months later after lived in with RL and work with SFIL. I witnessed a few strange behaviors toward RL the way SFIL gave her hug, play around with grabbed her and smacked her behind. I was so uncomfortable to all of it; I talked to RL about how I felt about it and she said “Yeah I know, when I was young I confronted him about it. But I’ll talk to him.” It was hard for me to understand about the family social and bond times to times. Especially when RL and SFIL argued, he would called her dreadful names and she just cried for hours. And SFIL would respond to it that “oh it’s time for her to start take her damn pills”.

In October 2005 SFIL got his LLC construction license. I end up worked for SFIL and work with SBIL. One day SBIL threatens to ruin my life because of our work issues. I was afraid of his menace and talked to RL and we end up had a family meeting without SBIL. The conflicted kept going in company with workers and sued from customers. The communication in family and business were dreadful, it’s distressed on our marriage, one day it’s got so bad I used my timeout and went to Timber Bar to cool down. Then I got a phone called from SFIL, he kept called me so I ignored him. Then he left me a message “You little bastard! Get off that chair of your and be home with your family or I’ll beat your badass”.

It frightened me and I realized the measured of the old man anger, I talked to RL and had another family meeting. I suggested that SFIL need anger management but he explicated to us about work stress and his old age stuff. So later on somehow SFIL managed to laid me off with no unemployment benefits during a time that other construction businesses were busy, it doesn’t make sense but I managed to accept it and went to get a job from a different construction company.

In 2006 I got hired full time from Sun Forest Construction and RL work full time at T-mobile. We doing alright with income and we want to get into our first home. We went and look over a few houses and after the real-estate lady explained us about finance and the down payment. I gave up on buying house because of our bad credit and no money down but RL didn’t give up there. She kept seek for other options. One day she talked to her parents and they offered to help us on our house down payment.

We found a house we like and the down payment like almost $20,000 for a $228,000 home. So instead of put the down payment, SFIL came up with a solution to help us out. He decided to use his 401K account purchased our home and financed to us for 1% or 3% interest for 3 years. We signed the contract from 2006 to 2009 it’s a win and win deal for everyone at that time. For a year and a half we kept our mortgage payment on time and remodeled the property while live in it.

In March or April 2008 SFIL has some issue with the IRS because of our property he purchased. So he talked to RL to get us to refinance the property to get some of his money back. SFIL told us that he’ll help us speed up the remodel so the appraiser can come and appraise the property. We tried to get the property refinance, it’s hard because of our Bankruptcy we filed in 2005, some of my credits account didn’t get notify and the secure credit made me return RL one carat of Heart On Fire diamond ring back to Harry Ritchie's Jewelers. It was miserable for us at that time. RL parents kept harass us about the finance because they don’t understand why it took us so long and on top of it SFIL over at our house remodel the place without letting us know while we’re at work.

SFIL didn’t communicate with us about the remodel our house. One day I came home from work our living room full of debris and no kitchen to cook dinner for my daughters. I talked to RL about the situation and the communication with SFIL on the remodel. Later on RL parents responded with a lot of grief and irritation toward us. It was tough for RL had to deal with her family along with my frustration with SFIL remodeling. One day RL posted a blog on MySpace to vent out her dilemma.

I response to RL blog about SFIL work on our house then her step brother response it . He wrote bad enough that RL broke down in tears she end up block the blog. We had a family meeting after that. In the meeting I asked not to move forward with the whole remodel and refinance thing. I just want to go back the way it was but SFIL refused and he replied “No you’re not going to do that and if you’re not going to refinancing it for us, we’ll sell the mortgage contract to someone else”. So I brought up about SFIL anger and his way communicate with us, they response back “that the way SFIL is” and blamed his behavior because of his Parkinson illness.

The meeting ended with a lot of dramas and a little agreement, RL parents agreed on letting us know before work on our house. But a few days later SFIL went ahead painted the deck without let us know and all his work in the house getting sloppy and sloppier. I got frustrated and asked RL not to let SFIL do anymore work to our house. RL parents refused it because they wanted it done. I told RL it’s our property and we don’t want them to work so they should stop. They said it’s their property too and they can do whatever they want. Our marriage were wretchedness from all the disagreement and conflicted with RL family and on top of all RL found the time to have a long relationship with FFAG.

FFAG was the one took RL virginity away, I guess he was her first of everything. I found that out accidently from a text in her phone. We talked over about it but she said only for friendship and to catch-up old friend stuff. Later on I dig out her MySpace mail history and the chat log, I was overwhelmed by their conversation and the way RL respond to him. I told RL that’s she hurting me and she needs to stop it and she said “ OK” but later I found out she talked to him at work anyway. We were one step close to divorce at that time.

In the mean time we couldn’t get our home refinance because I got laid off from work. We decided not to buy the property and plus we didn’t like the way it remodel either. We thought it was best for RL parents for us to move out so they can sell the property. RL told her parents that we’re going to move out in 30 days and asked them to leave us alone for 30 days, after that SFIL can remodel it. We were struggling to move out of that house, when RL at work I tried to haul the stuff out and sometime the neighbor helped me out. One day I tried to move RL piano, it’s so heavy it putted a major strain on my back.

The injury I got Icouldn’t do much for almost a week. When our 30 days up SFIL came out and change all the doors lock. We didn’t get all our stuff out in time so we move them to the 10x20’ tool shed along with all the outdoor tools and materials. I asked RL talked to her parents that we just going to leave the stuff in the shed for a few days till we rent a place for it, because we have no room at the duplex. So a days later I stopped by to get some of tools. I noticed everything were gone. I asked RL where all our stuff, she told me to ask SFIL.

I called SFIL and asked him where all our stuff. He said “I threw it all away”. “I was like what! Why you threw it all away? ” He said “Well, SaBinh I need to clear this place so I put in the market to sell it and you should get all your * * * * out since last week.” I asked him “Did Renee talked to you about store it just for temporary?” He said “Yeah”. I couldn’t believe the way the old man respond. I was fiery so I raised my voice to him about how he treated us so wrong for the last six months. Then he said “SaBinh, SaBinh I still have some of your material at my house, why don’t you come over get it and we can talk about it?” I was surprised by SFIL tone of voice and did not like the way he invited me over to his place.

I was afraid to be over at SFIL place so I said “no” but he kept insist and he elucidated about me being Asian would understand how thing work, nobody in the world will ever understand me and what I’m trying to do. I was speechless hearing the old man talk to me like that so I said to him “I’m done talk you SFIL” and hang up the phone. That was the last time I talked to SFIL. Later on RL and I talked over and decided move to Salem after our six months lease up. RL emailed to her parents about us moving out of town then SFIL replied back wanted to have a meeting in a neutral location. I wrote back to RL explained to her that I’m done with the family meeting with SFIL. I suggested that SFIL need to go get some kind a help with his anger and his control behavior toward us.

Ever since I stop converse to SFIL, our marriage got complicated about the family social and everyday basic decision in life. We spent a lot of time disagreed and argued on things that we shouldn’t, it was hard. Especially to RL, she has to deal from both sides. When it come to holiday to celebrate RL would putted me in the position that I’m not comfortable with. We spent hours and hours argued about her parents and me.

So over time RL behavior got aggressive toward me. When we talked about her family I end up defense myself out the conversation. It’s got so bad I suggested to RL to seek counselor and later on I join with her. After a few sessions I told the her counselor that I done going to her session. I told RL that she’s inexperienced about the marriage because her expertise is addiction only. Almost every day we argued about how our life should be here or there and our family social. It got so bad I couldn’t defend myself I had to call the police to help me out the house. When the second time the police show up they end up charged her with “Interference with the police report”.

RL spent more time with her family after the police incident. A day before Christmas RL asked me if I want to spend Christmas with her at her family at SFIL house I said “no I’m not ready for that with them”. Then one day after Christmas she came home got some her stuff told me that they will stay the weekend at her family house. I told her I haven’t seen the girls for almost a week and asked her if the girls stay with me for the weekend. We end up argued for hours and hours after that. I used my timeout and went to the computer room to sit down. The next thing I knew RL quietly took off with the girls.

RL disabled my cell phone and shut off the home line I couldn’t get a hold of her. She won’t pick up her phone. So all I did was email her that day. I was clueless for that weekend didn’t know what going and have no idea where my daughters at. I assumed that they were at SFIL place and just wait at home hopefully they’ll come back and maybe we can work thing out. Well on Monday instead of RL show up but two officers with a restraining order and asked me to get out of my own home in 15 minutes. It crushed me after read thru the restraining order papers and saw all the lies SFIL wrote down.

I understood how frustrated RL was because of our decision of moving out of town and RL never wanted in the first place. Instead of seeks for other solution she decided to have a restraining order toward me to satisfy her anger not because of her concern of safety. I believe in my heart this time I did nothing wrong but to stand strong on what I believed and doing what right for my family but RL had other plan against me. I’m sure RL happy with her decision and enjoy advantage time she has with the support from SFIL against me.

So now you heard my side of the story how our marriage end. I just want to let it out before we go to trial for it. I don’t really want to take it to trial and bring everyone out with all the past and history about RL were molested and abused from her own family. And at the same time I really want RL to understand my problems with her step side of the family and the concern for my daughters’ future. I hope she can at least agree on the conditions I requested up until my daughters turn 18.

So here are all the issues will be bring out in trial

Section 2 Custody

1. RL Bipolar disorder, years and years I lived with her I know how RL can behaved toward the girls when she’s not in her normal condition. I recently did some research about the sickness Symptoms and her types of illness. I really worry about the long term affect to my daughters. I regretted all these years for not support RL about her illness. So I just want her to be in good condition to the girls and for herself also. All I asking is for her to get into some kind a program to remind her to take her medicine.

2. About the girls to spend a night alone with SBIL is not a good idea. There are some serious behaviors about SBIL that I witnessed. Especially to RL he has a long history of molested her for several years and he has a history of threaten someone life at T-mobile company and threaten me.

3. The girl to spend a night alone with SFIL is not a good idea either. I witnessed enough from this old man around RL and heard enough stories from RL about his behavior toward RL when she was young. I just don’t feel safe for my daughter to be completely alone with him. They can visit him with supervision; I don’t see the reason why it would be hurtful to him because the girls not spend a night with him.

Section 8.1.2 and 8.1.6 vehicle interest

1. On the Mazda vehicle I like to have part of my interest on that vehicle, I know I signed the release vehicle interest to the vehicle in agreement that RL would sign the Silverado truck back but RL didn’t sign it.
2. On the Silverado truck financial responsibly I like to have RL responsible half of it because of her lack of respond to my letter to you guy. I could a sell the truck and paid off her loan.

Section 8.1.7, 8.1.8, 8.1.9 and 8.2.0 Legal document, tools and equipments, Entertainment systems and personal collection items.

1. After the restraining order RL have control of all my stuff and I will have a list of what I would like to have it and ask her to reimburse me for whatever she doesn’t have.

Section 9 and 9.3 Debts and refundable money

1. I do want RL to give me half of the deposited money
2. To make it simple this way I know we only have one join credit card account and I will help her pay half of it. I will responsible for my own account debt under my name and RL should be responsible for her own credit debt under her name

So here’s my proposal to avoid the trial.

Section 2 Custody

I urge that RL at least agree to the conditions without the court notice until my youngest daughter turn 18. And if she’s not agree to it I like to have her write down the reason why she’s not agree to those conditions.

Section 8.1.2 and 8.1.6 vehicle interest

I will responsible half the Silverado financial delinquent from the Mid Oregon bank, if they pursue it and let RL have a full completely interest on the Mazda van.

Section 8.1.7, 8.1.8, 8.1.9 and 8.2.0 Legal document, tools and equipments, Entertainment systems and personal collection items.

I will accept whatever RL has left in her possession of my stuff and not ask for reimburse on legal documents. In return I will also return whatever I have that belong to RL back to her.

Section 9 and 9.3 Debts and refundable money

I’m sure RL already know about me and my credit card history and know that I have my own credit cards while I was with her. We both in debts about the same amounts in each of our own name but only one credit card account have both of our name and I can’t deny that so I’m willing to help out on that one. Just let me see the last statement of it. So to all other credit cards debt I think both have to responsible for our own debt because after it is under your name and you used anyway.

The refundable money, she can keep it

So please let me know what RL decide what to do and at lease let me know a few weeks ahead before trial so I can find me a lawyer. And if I don’t hear from you guys by January 4, 2010 then I will assume that we’re going to trial. Thanks Wife Attorney for talked to me and have a happy holidays.

SaBinh · 01-07-2010, 11:51 PM

Well,,,,my wife renewed the restraining order for another year and her reason to renew it "ACCESS TO FIREARMS" The restraining order didn't bother me what really hurt right now that I'm not be able to see my kids for another year for sure. It's been more than a year I haven't see my daughters.

"ACCESS TO FIREARMS" it's ridicules for her to come up such thing, it work for her because the judge believe it and granted to her. You know I have access to alot of things worst than firearms. No really instead of wrote down "ACCESS TO FIREARMS" she could a just write this down "I hate my husband for not get along with my family the way I wanted him to so now I want him to suffer!". I think this whole restraining order thing are just part of her plan to gain on the divorce status and to show what she can do to me.

My first restraining order got me out of my own home in 15 minutes. Can you imagine being married for 10 years with 2 beautiful daughters and one day you have issues with your inlaws then your spouse decided to turn against you and kick you off the curb with a restraining order that you have no chance to get back to your very own family that you love them with all your heart?

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11-07-2008, 01:51 PM	#1
SaBinh Offline Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Portland, Oregon Gender: None Specified Posts: 6	I hate my in law My step Father in Law, I couldn't stand his temper and his abusive attitude. He didn’t like me from the start, until now I still don’t know why and what the hell is his problem. I mean noticed it, all he did was pretended to be nice to me in front everybody and later acted totally strange to me. I never thought the guy could carry on this long. Whenever I had a problem with him; he sure has a lot of experienced about vengeance. He managed to get his way no matter what. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was, to even consider one day that this old man might have some kind a change of heart. All those talked and family meetings none of those seem to matter. For all he knows right now is doing whatever benefits him. You know at this point, from my experienced with this old man. I think he’s still an abusive and controlling person mentally. What really hard to believe about this old man were all the stories my wife told me of how he abused her most of her life until she ran away to stay with her friend. I mean the old guy even tried to molest her when she’s 15 yrs old. My wife hated the way he talked her in public and how he favor his son in front of her. She witnessed years of abused his wife and cheated on her. What really hurt and pissed me of that witnessed my wife in tears and fears of this old man. My mother in law is a Bipolar Disorder II, it's a headache tried to understand that woman. One day she nice the next day she had a lot * * * * to say. The worst part was witnessed my wife cried because of her them mood swings. I don’t see what the big deal with her and my daughters is right now. I always thought she has no time for them, because all I heard that she so busy remodel her house. Most of the times my daughters told me when they over there, all they did were watch TV while she naps on the couch or helped her husband works outside the house. I’m so sick of her whining of how she bench her back for my wife and my girls and how she watch the girls for us and how she helped my wife and be there for her”. My brother in law, boy where do I start with this guy? He’s definitely a weird one in the family. For years I’ve been put up with this guy bad mouth about me. I mean this dude he talked like he knew all about family life and lecture my wife about astuteness. Which is doesn’t seem to make sense to me after I gazed at his life. Because what seeing from him right now is someone who always high on drug whenever he’s around my family, a guy who has a history of raped his stepsister, a guy who couldn’t or didn't want anything to do with his kids for years and his daughter tried to commit suicide, especially a jealous rage person who got into a big fight with his parents then tried to sue his parents because he thought that his own father favored me instead of him. What really got me of that when we had problem with his parents. He somehow just butts in like he knew everything about our problems and pointed out family dishonor * * * * toward us. Especially to me, I got so anxious about his hate comments toward me on my wife blog. I never get a chance to respond to his hate comments because my wife scared and blocked the blog. Its heart broken to witnessed my wife in tears about the whole thing. It's like he live his life for this type of moments or something. What a hypocrite I tell you. Right now I don't talk to them and my wife kind a ignore them too. But I know that as long I'm still married I will deal with them in the future somehow. I don't really want to see them or deal with them in the future at all. I sure don't want to divorce my wife because of them. Last edited by SaBinh; 11-07-2008 at 05:51 PM. Reason: miss spell

06-20-2009, 02:48 PM	#4
SaBinh Offline Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Portland, Oregon Gender: None Specified Posts: 6	Tomorrow is Father's Day and i know i'm going to be all alone for sure. it's hurt to think about it, i'm crying so loud inside my heart try to understand why this happen to me. why me? how come i am the one to be left alone and take all these pains. I know my daughters happy with my wife and my wife happy with her new man. I should be happy for them and move on but here i am doing this to myself, all alone and so confuse with my life. God please help me make it thru..... Last edited by SaBinh; 06-20-2009 at 02:59 PM.

06-22-2009, 01:53 AM	#5
SaBinh Offline Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Portland, Oregon Gender: None Specified Posts: 6	here is the exact letter I sent to my wife lawyer on 12/18/2009. Up till today I didn't get any respond. I thought I share everyone here and hope to get some feed back. I hope I know what I'm doing on this one, please let me know if you see something wrong or I did it wrong. Thanks RL = My Wife SFIL = Step Father-in-law SBIL = Step Brother-in-law FFAG = My wife HS x-boyfriend Dear Wife Attorney, I thought it over a lot about our last conversation we had over the phone on 11/03/2009. I check the phone log we talked for almost 40 minutes and I knew I wasn’t ready to discuss every detail with you that day. After I talked to you I did some research on your firm, I found out that you guys has a really good reputation in Central Oregon. Now the trial rescheduled to 1/14/ 2010 9:45AM and our status on 1/12/2010 1:00PM. I don’t understand why the schedule kept changing. I’m exhausted with all the scheduled, and the traveling back and forth, not able to make decision to move forward in my life because of my divorce. I talked to my family and friends about my situation I’m in and they all urge me to get a lawyer. I thought it over a lot and yes I do need the attorney to trial with you guys so before I go and seek an attorney. I want to write to you and RL knows what my intention. I’ll try to explain everything out so hopefully RL can understand and settle this without trial. So here’s my side of the story on our marriage for the last 10 years. We got married in 1998 have two beautiful daughters lived a happy life until 2002 we both loose our jobs in the same week and things got obscured in the family. On 1/24/2003 RL and I got into a physical argument and I end up got arrested, here’s a [link disable by SaBinh] for more detail about it on that day I took it to trial and lost it. I got sentence for a year and the Judge allowed RL to visit me while I’m in a Penitentiary. We communicated through phone and letters and later on we understand our circumstances. I found myself to forgives everything and move forward with RL. I got released in 2004 stay with my parents took my Anger Management program then move to Redmond lived with RL and helped SFIL with his construction work. A few months later after lived in with RL and work with SFIL. I witnessed a few strange behaviors toward RL the way SFIL gave her hug, play around with grabbed her and smacked her behind. I was so uncomfortable to all of it; I talked to RL about how I felt about it and she said “Yeah I know, when I was young I confronted him about it. But I’ll talk to him.” It was hard for me to understand about the family social and bond times to times. Especially when RL and SFIL argued, he would called her dreadful names and she just cried for hours. And SFIL would respond to it that “oh it’s time for her to start take her damn pills”. In October 2005 SFIL got his LLC construction license. I end up worked for SFIL and work with SBIL. One day SBIL threatens to ruin my life because of our work issues. I was afraid of his menace and talked to RL and we end up had a family meeting without SBIL. The conflicted kept going in company with workers and sued from customers. The communication in family and business were dreadful, it’s distressed on our marriage, one day it’s got so bad I used my timeout and went to Timber Bar to cool down. Then I got a phone called from SFIL, he kept called me so I ignored him. Then he left me a message “You little bastard! Get off that chair of your and be home with your family or I’ll beat your badass”. It frightened me and I realized the measured of the old man anger, I talked to RL and had another family meeting. I suggested that SFIL need anger management but he explicated to us about work stress and his old age stuff. So later on somehow SFIL managed to laid me off with no unemployment benefits during a time that other construction businesses were busy, it doesn’t make sense but I managed to accept it and went to get a job from a different construction company. In 2006 I got hired full time from Sun Forest Construction and RL work full time at T-mobile. We doing alright with income and we want to get into our first home. We went and look over a few houses and after the real-estate lady explained us about finance and the down payment. I gave up on buying house because of our bad credit and no money down but RL didn’t give up there. She kept seek for other options. One day she talked to her parents and they offered to help us on our house down payment. We found a house we like and the down payment like almost $20,000 for a $228,000 home. So instead of put the down payment, SFIL came up with a solution to help us out. He decided to use his 401K account purchased our home and financed to us for 1% or 3% interest for 3 years. We signed the contract from 2006 to 2009 it’s a win and win deal for everyone at that time. For a year and a half we kept our mortgage payment on time and remodeled the property while live in it. In March or April 2008 SFIL has some issue with the IRS because of our property he purchased. So he talked to RL to get us to refinance the property to get some of his money back. SFIL told us that he’ll help us speed up the remodel so the appraiser can come and appraise the property. We tried to get the property refinance, it’s hard because of our Bankruptcy we filed in 2005, some of my credits account didn’t get notify and the secure credit made me return RL one carat of Heart On Fire diamond ring back to Harry Ritchie's Jewelers. It was miserable for us at that time. RL parents kept harass us about the finance because they don’t understand why it took us so long and on top of it SFIL over at our house remodel the place without letting us know while we’re at work. SFIL didn’t communicate with us about the remodel our house. One day I came home from work our living room full of debris and no kitchen to cook dinner for my daughters. I talked to RL about the situation and the communication with SFIL on the remodel. Later on RL parents responded with a lot of grief and irritation toward us. It was tough for RL had to deal with her family along with my frustration with SFIL remodeling. One day RL posted a blog on MySpace to vent out her dilemma. I response to RL blog about SFIL work on our house then her step brother response it . He wrote bad enough that RL broke down in tears she end up block the blog. We had a family meeting after that. In the meeting I asked not to move forward with the whole remodel and refinance thing. I just want to go back the way it was but SFIL refused and he replied “No you’re not going to do that and if you’re not going to refinancing it for us, we’ll sell the mortgage contract to someone else”. So I brought up about SFIL anger and his way communicate with us, they response back “that the way SFIL is” and blamed his behavior because of his Parkinson illness. The meeting ended with a lot of dramas and a little agreement, RL parents agreed on letting us know before work on our house. But a few days later SFIL went ahead painted the deck without let us know and all his work in the house getting sloppy and sloppier. I got frustrated and asked RL not to let SFIL do anymore work to our house. RL parents refused it because they wanted it done. I told RL it’s our property and we don’t want them to work so they should stop. They said it’s their property too and they can do whatever they want. Our marriage were wretchedness from all the disagreement and conflicted with RL family and on top of all RL found the time to have a long relationship with FFAG. FFAG was the one took RL virginity away, I guess he was her first of everything. I found that out accidently from a text in her phone. We talked over about it but she said only for friendship and to catch-up old friend stuff. Later on I dig out her MySpace mail history and the chat log, I was overwhelmed by their conversation and the way RL respond to him. I told RL that’s she hurting me and she needs to stop it and she said “ OK” but later I found out she talked to him at work anyway. We were one step close to divorce at that time. In the mean time we couldn’t get our home refinance because I got laid off from work. We decided not to buy the property and plus we didn’t like the way it remodel either. We thought it was best for RL parents for us to move out so they can sell the property. RL told her parents that we’re going to move out in 30 days and asked them to leave us alone for 30 days, after that SFIL can remodel it. We were struggling to move out of that house, when RL at work I tried to haul the stuff out and sometime the neighbor helped me out. One day I tried to move RL piano, it’s so heavy it putted a major strain on my back. The injury I got Icouldn’t do much for almost a week. When our 30 days up SFIL came out and change all the doors lock. We didn’t get all our stuff out in time so we move them to the 10x20’ tool shed along with all the outdoor tools and materials. I asked RL talked to her parents that we just going to leave the stuff in the shed for a few days till we rent a place for it, because we have no room at the duplex. So a days later I stopped by to get some of tools. I noticed everything were gone. I asked RL where all our stuff, she told me to ask SFIL. I called SFIL and asked him where all our stuff. He said “I threw it all away”. “I was like what! Why you threw it all away? ” He said “Well, SaBinh I need to clear this place so I put in the market to sell it and you should get all your * * * * out since last week.” I asked him “Did Renee talked to you about store it just for temporary?” He said “Yeah”. I couldn’t believe the way the old man respond. I was fiery so I raised my voice to him about how he treated us so wrong for the last six months. Then he said “SaBinh, SaBinh I still have some of your material at my house, why don’t you come over get it and we can talk about it?” I was surprised by SFIL tone of voice and did not like the way he invited me over to his place. I was afraid to be over at SFIL place so I said “no” but he kept insist and he elucidated about me being Asian would understand how thing work, nobody in the world will ever understand me and what I’m trying to do. I was speechless hearing the old man talk to me like that so I said to him “I’m done talk you SFIL” and hang up the phone. That was the last time I talked to SFIL. Later on RL and I talked over and decided move to Salem after our six months lease up. RL emailed to her parents about us moving out of town then SFIL replied back wanted to have a meeting in a neutral location. I wrote back to RL explained to her that I’m done with the family meeting with SFIL. I suggested that SFIL need to go get some kind a help with his anger and his control behavior toward us. Ever since I stop converse to SFIL, our marriage got complicated about the family social and everyday basic decision in life. We spent a lot of time disagreed and argued on things that we shouldn’t, it was hard. Especially to RL, she has to deal from both sides. When it come to holiday to celebrate RL would putted me in the position that I’m not comfortable with. We spent hours and hours argued about her parents and me. So over time RL behavior got aggressive toward me. When we talked about her family I end up defense myself out the conversation. It’s got so bad I suggested to RL to seek counselor and later on I join with her. After a few sessions I told the her counselor that I done going to her session. I told RL that she’s inexperienced about the marriage because her expertise is addiction only. Almost every day we argued about how our life should be here or there and our family social. It got so bad I couldn’t defend myself I had to call the police to help me out the house. When the second time the police show up they end up charged her with “Interference with the police report”. RL spent more time with her family after the police incident. A day before Christmas RL asked me if I want to spend Christmas with her at her family at SFIL house I said “no I’m not ready for that with them”. Then one day after Christmas she came home got some her stuff told me that they will stay the weekend at her family house. I told her I haven’t seen the girls for almost a week and asked her if the girls stay with me for the weekend. We end up argued for hours and hours after that. I used my timeout and went to the computer room to sit down. The next thing I knew RL quietly took off with the girls. RL disabled my cell phone and shut off the home line I couldn’t get a hold of her. She won’t pick up her phone. So all I did was email her that day. I was clueless for that weekend didn’t know what going and have no idea where my daughters at. I assumed that they were at SFIL place and just wait at home hopefully they’ll come back and maybe we can work thing out. Well on Monday instead of RL show up but two officers with a restraining order and asked me to get out of my own home in 15 minutes. It crushed me after read thru the restraining order papers and saw all the lies SFIL wrote down. I understood how frustrated RL was because of our decision of moving out of town and RL never wanted in the first place. Instead of seeks for other solution she decided to have a restraining order toward me to satisfy her anger not because of her concern of safety. I believe in my heart this time I did nothing wrong but to stand strong on what I believed and doing what right for my family but RL had other plan against me. I’m sure RL happy with her decision and enjoy advantage time she has with the support from SFIL against me. So now you heard my side of the story how our marriage end. I just want to let it out before we go to trial for it. I don’t really want to take it to trial and bring everyone out with all the past and history about RL were molested and abused from her own family. And at the same time I really want RL to understand my problems with her step side of the family and the concern for my daughters’ future. I hope she can at least agree on the conditions I requested up until my daughters turn 18. So here are all the issues will be bring out in trial Section 2 Custody 1. RL Bipolar disorder, years and years I lived with her I know how RL can behaved toward the girls when she’s not in her normal condition. I recently did some research about the sickness Symptoms and her types of illness. I really worry about the long term affect to my daughters. I regretted all these years for not support RL about her illness. So I just want her to be in good condition to the girls and for herself also. All I asking is for her to get into some kind a program to remind her to take her medicine. 2. About the girls to spend a night alone with SBIL is not a good idea. There are some serious behaviors about SBIL that I witnessed. Especially to RL he has a long history of molested her for several years and he has a history of threaten someone life at T-mobile company and threaten me. 3. The girl to spend a night alone with SFIL is not a good idea either. I witnessed enough from this old man around RL and heard enough stories from RL about his behavior toward RL when she was young. I just don’t feel safe for my daughter to be completely alone with him. They can visit him with supervision; I don’t see the reason why it would be hurtful to him because the girls not spend a night with him. Section 8.1.2 and 8.1.6 vehicle interest 1. On the Mazda vehicle I like to have part of my interest on that vehicle, I know I signed the release vehicle interest to the vehicle in agreement that RL would sign the Silverado truck back but RL didn’t sign it. 2. On the Silverado truck financial responsibly I like to have RL responsible half of it because of her lack of respond to my letter to you guy. I could a sell the truck and paid off her loan. Section 8.1.7, 8.1.8, 8.1.9 and 8.2.0 Legal document, tools and equipments, Entertainment systems and personal collection items. 1. After the restraining order RL have control of all my stuff and I will have a list of what I would like to have it and ask her to reimburse me for whatever she doesn’t have. Section 9 and 9.3 Debts and refundable money 1. I do want RL to give me half of the deposited money 2. To make it simple this way I know we only have one join credit card account and I will help her pay half of it. I will responsible for my own account debt under my name and RL should be responsible for her own credit debt under her name So here’s my proposal to avoid the trial. Section 2 Custody I urge that RL at least agree to the conditions without the court notice until my youngest daughter turn 18. And if she’s not agree to it I like to have her write down the reason why she’s not agree to those conditions. Section 8.1.2 and 8.1.6 vehicle interest I will responsible half the Silverado financial delinquent from the Mid Oregon bank, if they pursue it and let RL have a full completely interest on the Mazda van. Section 8.1.7, 8.1.8, 8.1.9 and 8.2.0 Legal document, tools and equipments, Entertainment systems and personal collection items. I will accept whatever RL has left in her possession of my stuff and not ask for reimburse on legal documents. In return I will also return whatever I have that belong to RL back to her. Section 9 and 9.3 Debts and refundable money I’m sure RL already know about me and my credit card history and know that I have my own credit cards while I was with her. We both in debts about the same amounts in each of our own name but only one credit card account have both of our name and I can’t deny that so I’m willing to help out on that one. Just let me see the last statement of it. So to all other credit cards debt I think both have to responsible for our own debt because after it is under your name and you used anyway. The refundable money, she can keep it So please let me know what RL decide what to do and at lease let me know a few weeks ahead before trial so I can find me a lawyer. And if I don’t hear from you guys by January 4, 2010 then I will assume that we’re going to trial. Thanks Wife Attorney for talked to me and have a happy holidays. Last edited by SaBinh; 01-06-2010 at 10:42 AM. Reason: divorce trial update

11-07-2008, 02:31 PM	#2
alli Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 3,452	It sucks when the person you love has relatives like that. Your father in law & brother in law should never be alone in the presence of your daughters.. they have a history of violating women. I know someone like your father in law. My stepmom tells us stories about her sister's husband. A long time ago, he raped his wife's 16 year old sister. She got pregnant & he claimed she "was asking for it". His wife's family took his side for some reason. That was probably 40 or 50 years ago, but they are still together today, despite this incident & years of him abusing his wife, my stepmom's sister. My stepmom loathes him; she used to tell my dad about him & my dad always thought "oh, he can't be that bad" until the day my dad met him. He really is that bad. Some people you can't reason with. You can spend eternity angry & frustrated with them or you can minimize your contact with them as much as possible. If your wife wants to see her family, that is her choice, but of course she will understand if you have no desire to communicate with them. And again, do NOT leave your daughters alone with either of those men. And by "alone" I mean without the supervision of you or your wife. Your mother-in-law does not count as supervision.

01-07-2010, 11:51 PM	#6
SaBinh Offline Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Portland, Oregon Gender: None Specified Posts: 6	Well,,,,my wife renewed the restraining order for another year and her reason to renew it "ACCESS TO FIREARMS" The restraining order didn't bother me what really hurt right now that I'm not be able to see my kids for another year for sure. It's been more than a year I haven't see my daughters. "ACCESS TO FIREARMS" it's ridicules for her to come up such thing, it work for her because the judge believe it and granted to her. You know I have access to alot of things worst than firearms. No really instead of wrote down "ACCESS TO FIREARMS" she could a just write this down "I hate my husband for not get along with my family the way I wanted him to so now I want him to suffer!". I think this whole restraining order thing are just part of her plan to gain on the divorce status and to show what she can do to me. My first restraining order got me out of my own home in 15 minutes. Can you imagine being married for 10 years with 2 beautiful daughters and one day you have issues with your inlaws then your spouse decided to turn against you and kick you off the curb with a restraining order that you have no chance to get back to your very own family that you love them with all your heart? [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]