How do you help someone that is being controlled?

[Faithfull]

I have a sister who is in a controlling marriage. Her first marriage she was with a verbal abusive and controlling man. She realized the situation and woke up when her first child was born and had to protect him. She left after 3 years of living with him. My parents supported them and they lived with us for 6 years. She had no job and stayed at home to raise her son. She met someone in March 2007 and was married by October 2007. He swept her off her feet. He bought her gifts all the time. (Cards in the mail and flowers several times a week.) To make a long story short after they returned from the honeymoon everything changed. In this marriage she does not see that he is controlling or nothing is wrong with him. She is in deep this time. He has turned her completely against her family and friends. She avoids phone calls and her world revolves around him. He calls her multiple times a day to check in on her. He buys her flowers every week. He is very manipulative. He turns everything you say or didn’t around and whatever he tells her, she believes him. He keeps some kind of drama going all the time to make her mad at her family. If we see them in public they avoid us. They will not even allow my nephew to visit us. I viewed the article on this website Warning Signs That You\’re Dating a Loser. He fits most of them. She is now pregnant with his child and does not see the situation she is in and that anything is wrong. I’m concerned that he is damaging them emotionally, socially and physically. I feel that he is lowering their self-confidence and self-esteem. I’m worried about my sister and my nephew. Is there anything I can do?

[alli]

Not really. She has to be the one to realize what he is doing. Just try to tell her that you love her & if she ever wants or needs to talk, she can call you whenever. It doesn't sound like he is physically abusing her so that's good. You didn't mention if he is verbally abusive, putting her down, etc. They've only been married a year so hopefully it won't come to that.

Try to drop her a friendly email once in a while to let her know you still care, but don't try to get her to "do things" because she might shut you out. Even if she doesn't email you back, just keep dropping little notes once in a while, so in case she ever realizes what a hole she's in, she knows she still has you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

There is nothing you can do. She has established a pattern where she is attracted to abusive men. She has learned absolutely nothing from her first experience. He keeps her sweet with gifts so she feels there is nothing wrong because he is buying her stuff and saying all the right words. Maybe one day she will wake up, maybe not. The only thing you can do is be there for her when she completely falls.

[youngatheart]

Originally Posted by Faithfull

I have a sister who is in a controlling marriage. Her first marriage she was with a verbal abusive and controlling man. She realized the situation and woke up when her first child was born and had to protect him. She left after 3 years of living with him. My parents supported them and they lived with us for 6 years. She had no job and stayed at home to raise her son. She met someone in March 2007 and was married by October 2007. He swept her off her feet. He bought her gifts all the time. (Cards in the mail and flowers several times a week.) To make a long story short after they returned from the honeymoon everything changed. In this marriage she does not see that he is controlling or nothing is wrong with him. She is in deep this time. He has turned her completely against her family and friends. She avoids phone calls and her world revolves around him. He calls her multiple times a day to check in on her. He buys her flowers every week. He is very manipulative. He turns everything you say or didn’t around and whatever he tells her, she believes him. He keeps some kind of drama going all the time to make her mad at her family. If we see them in public they avoid us. They will not even allow my nephew to visit us. I viewed the article on this website Warning Signs That You\’re Dating a Loser. He fits most of them. She is now pregnant with his child and does not see the situation she is in and that anything is wrong. I’m concerned that he is damaging them emotionally, socially and physically. I feel that he is lowering their self-confidence and self-esteem. I’m worried about my sister and my nephew. Is there anything I can do?

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 8 years. To tell you the truth I really don't think there is anything you can do apart from being there for her when she needs you. the hardest thing for someone who is being controlled and abused emotionally is admitting that it is happening. She will realise sooner or later that this man is a bully and will either end the relationship or carry on with it. If you interfere she will resent you and may even blame you if they ever break up. I was treated VERY badly but throughout the whole experience I thought I loved this man. Now, after I had the courage to end it, I realise that what he did was wrong.
Just support your sister as and when she needs it, please don't interfere unless you feel her life could be in danger from physical sbuse.
Good luck