Religious conflict

rosstheboss · 10-31-2008, 01:56 PM

Hi
When I first met my girl friend I knew she was religious, however I am quite against religion. This is fine though, she knows this and wouldn't try to convert me and likewise I am perfectly happy for people to make up their own minds.

She has decided to go to university to study Divinity which is just a bit too much for me. I asked what type of a job she'd get with that and she said minister.

As I said I am all for people making their own decisions but I feel that this is just too much of an incompatibility between us. I don't know what to say to her. If she doesn't do it then she'll always resent me for it and if she does do it I'll not be happy with her lifestyle.

Any Help please?!

Thanks in advance.

DropToZero · 10-31-2008, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosstheboss

Hi
When I first met my girl friend I knew she was religious, however I am quite against religion. This is fine though, she knows this and wouldn't try to convert me and likewise I am perfectly happy for people to make up their own minds.

She has decided to go to university to study Divinity which is just a bit too much for me. I asked what type of a job she'd get with that and she said minister.

As I said I am all for people making their own decisions but I feel that this is just too much of an incompatibility between us. I don't know what to say to her. If she doesn't do it then she'll always resent me for it and if she does do it I'll not be happy with her lifestyle.

Any Help please?!

Thanks in advance.

It will never be an incompatibility as long as the two of you don't try and "convert" one or the other... it'll be harder than any other relationship with this added conflict possibility though. I'm sure there are plenty of other relationships in this world where both couples don't agree on religions... they could probably give better insight than I.

The hard part like I said, would be just keeping your peace and not getting into arguments over it, but think of possible future(I don't know how old you are), how are you going to raise your kids? Would you fight about it?

agent · 10-31-2008, 02:05 PM

What makes you think she wouldn't do it? If she's serious enough about it to study Divinity with a view to a career then I really don't think she would give it up for you.

So either you have to break up with her now, or just learn to live with it. And as she's looking to the Ministry, that's quite a massive thing.

Ultimately though, I think this is more of an incompatibility that you may be able to overcome.

ApplePeace · 10-31-2008, 03:15 PM

well It seems like you cant accept her the way she is, I know you said you do BUT you already want her to change because you dont like her idea..but seriously It seems your both really deep in your own beliefs, just dont see how it would work.

davef · 10-31-2008, 03:42 PM

What you want is a window to another world, not a whole new world altogether.

itsallgrand · 10-31-2008, 03:53 PM

She wants to become a minister and you are against religion. ?

Oh yeah, huge incompatibility there.

She wants her life to revolve and be guided by religion - to even make it her life's work.

To be against something that is your SO's passion, their core values and belief system....that is something that will always be a fight no matter how understanding, beautiful and loving the two of you otherwise are to each other, IMO.

Those are the things that are the most enjoyable to share, and to be able to stand there with pride at what a person is devoting their lives to..

BeStrongBeHappy · 11-01-2008, 09:36 AM

This is probably doomed from the standpoint that if she loves religion enough to pursue it as a career, it is a huge difference.

And what happens when she becomes a minister and starts wanting to have religious activities in your home, or people start asking her where her husband is at church etc.?

And she will definitely want to raise any children to believe in God, attend Sunday school and church, pray in your home etc. Religious conflicts usually get extremely intense as soon as children are born, since each parent will want the child raised in their belief system.

And most religious people will never give up on trying to convert the person they love to their own religion. They feel an obligation to do so, and can become more intolerant over time of the other person being an atheist.

So I'd suggest you nip this in the bud now and find someone with a similar belief system to yours since she is showing signs of getting more and more intricately involved with her belief system that you don't adhere to or fit in with.

**lady00** · 11-01-2008, 05:26 PM

I think you should end things. You've already determined that you can't accept her decision and I agree with you that if she really wants to do it, she should do it. The only solution, then, is to end the relationship so that you can both happily pursue what makes you happy as individuals.

Crazyaboutdogs · 11-01-2008, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by itsallgrand

She wants to become a minister and you are against religion. ?

Oh yeah, huge incompatibility there.

She wants her life to revolve and be guided by religion - to even make it her life's work.

To be against something that is your SO's passion, their core values and belief system....that is something that will always be a fight no matter how understanding, beautiful and loving the two of you otherwise are to each other, IMO.

Those are the things that are the most enjoyable to share, and to be able to stand there with pride at what a person is devoting their lives to..

I totally agree. You two have conflicting religious values...you are polar opposites in that area and that can cause a lot of friction down the road. You will end up being irritated by her lifestyle choices which will revolve around religion and she will end being irritated over your lack of religious conviction. Over time the irritation will turn to resentment on one or both sides. If children are brought into this mix then it will be even more of battleground with the children trying to figure out which parent is "right". I would suggest re-thinking this relationship. Relationships between two people with different religious beliefs can work if both sides are truly accepting of the other person's viewpoint and don't try to mould them into something they are not.

Rabican · 11-04-2008, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosstheboss

Hi
When I first met my girl friend I knew she was religious, however I am quite against religion. This is fine though, she knows this and wouldn't try to convert me and likewise I am perfectly happy for people to make up their own minds.

She has decided to go to university to study Divinity which is just a bit too much for me. I asked what type of a job she'd get with that and she said minister.

As I said I am all for people making their own decisions but I feel that this is just too much of an incompatibility between us. I don't know what to say to her. If she doesn't do it then she'll always resent me for it and if she does do it I'll not be happy with her lifestyle.

Any Help please?!

Thanks in advance.

You said you are ok with disagreeing with her about religion right? So whats the problem? What is the difference in your life if she goes and works 9-5 at a office building or if she works in a church, or whatever? Her job is her job, and your job is your job. As long as the two arent completely at odds with your standards of a relationship I dont see the problem. Its not like she came home and said, hey Im doing Porn now, thought you should know.
I personally dont think this should be an issue of conflict, but if it is... then I think its more of a hangup on your part (close mindedness)... and nothing to really do with her or her choice.

10-31-2008, 01:56 PM	#1
rosstheboss Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Scotland, UK Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 215	Religious conflict Hi When I first met my girl friend I knew she was religious, however I am quite against religion. This is fine though, she knows this and wouldn't try to convert me and likewise I am perfectly happy for people to make up their own minds. She has decided to go to university to study Divinity which is just a bit too much for me. I asked what type of a job she'd get with that and she said minister. As I said I am all for people making their own decisions but I feel that this is just too much of an incompatibility between us. I don't know what to say to her. If she doesn't do it then she'll always resent me for it and if she does do it I'll not be happy with her lifestyle. Any Help please?! Thanks in advance.

10-31-2008, 02:05 PM	#3
agent Online Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 3,891	What makes you think she wouldn't do it? If she's serious enough about it to study Divinity with a view to a career then I really don't think she would give it up for you. So either you have to break up with her now, or just learn to live with it. And as she's looking to the Ministry, that's quite a massive thing. Ultimately though, I think this is more of an incompatibility that you may be able to overcome. __________________ "You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right too." - Anais Nin "Come now, don't make such a funeral face. It isn't dying that's sad; it's living when you're not happy." -Octave Mirbeau "Don't be sad, don't be angry, if life deceives you! Submit to your grief; your time for joy will come, believe me." -Aleksandr Pushkin

10-31-2008, 03:15 PM	#4
ApplePeace Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 115	well It seems like you cant accept her the way she is, I know you said you do BUT you already want her to change because you dont like her idea..but seriously It seems your both really deep in your own beliefs, just dont see how it would work.

10-31-2008, 03:42 PM	#5
davef Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 65	What you want is a window to another world, not a whole new world altogether.

10-31-2008, 03:53 PM	#6
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,783	She wants to become a minister and you are against religion. ? Oh yeah, huge incompatibility there. She wants her life to revolve and be guided by religion - to even make it her life's work. To be against something that is your SO's passion, their core values and belief system....that is something that will always be a fight no matter how understanding, beautiful and loving the two of you otherwise are to each other, IMO. Those are the things that are the most enjoyable to share, and to be able to stand there with pride at what a person is devoting their lives to..

11-01-2008, 09:36 AM	#7
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,413	This is probably doomed from the standpoint that if she loves religion enough to pursue it as a career, it is a huge difference. And what happens when she becomes a minister and starts wanting to have religious activities in your home, or people start asking her where her husband is at church etc.? And she will definitely want to raise any children to believe in God, attend Sunday school and church, pray in your home etc. Religious conflicts usually get extremely intense as soon as children are born, since each parent will want the child raised in their belief system. And most religious people will never give up on trying to convert the person they love to their own religion. They feel an obligation to do so, and can become more intolerant over time of the other person being an atheist. So I'd suggest you nip this in the bud now and find someone with a similar belief system to yours since she is showing signs of getting more and more intricately involved with her belief system that you don't adhere to or fit in with.

11-01-2008, 05:26 PM	#8
lady00 Online Super Moderator Join Date: May 2004 Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 7,869	I think you should end things. You've already determined that you can't accept her decision and I agree with you that if she really wants to do it, she should do it. The only solution, then, is to end the relationship so that you can both happily pursue what makes you happy as individuals.