should he have showed up to my grandmothers wake?

cbear2486 · 10-26-2008, 09:53 PM

My grandmother, who i was very close to, being as I was her only granddaughter out of 8 grandkids, died a little over two months ago ( it was pretty sudden)... I was one of the few people that stayed all day long by her bedside, talking to her while she was still coherent, and even after the fact that she slipped into a coma.. when she died, i was right by her bedside holding her hand.. it was quite a traumatic experience for me being as she was the first person who I was that close to, to have passed away and in front of my own eyes.. anyways, after this happened, i really needed someone to talk to.. someone, who like me, knew her and loved her.. one person popped into my mind and that was my ex boyfriend because she loved him so much and had so much hope for the two of us as a couple.. so i texted him telling him what had happened and he wrote in response that he was really sorry to hear that and that his sympathy went out to me and my family... it wasn't exactly what i was looking for, but it was enough at the time... 2 days later we had her wake and many people showed up.. friends, family.. and even some of my exes and i's mutual friends, including 2 of his best friends.. i was completely shocked to have seen them there because i had not seen them since my ex and i had broken up.. but they told me that i was always their favorite for him and that of course they would be there for me during a time such as this... I know for a fact that they told him they were coming and I'm pretty sure they asked if he were coming too... I kept hoping he'd show up, because it would've honestly have meant soo much to me.. he never did though... which i don't understand.. he knew her and loved her and she loved him.. the least he could've done was to show his respect for her and for me and my family... i can understand that he may have been uncomfortable in a sense, but it wasn't like we weren't talking or that i held a grudge against him for breaking up with me.. he even knew in previous conversations i had with him online, that my family and my friends missed having him around... i know i still shouldn't be bothered by this, but i am.. I guess it's because I'm still not over my grandmothers death and he was the one person I could talk to when things went wrong... should i be upset by this? or am i being completely ridiculous with the whole thing?

redhearts · 10-26-2008, 10:00 PM

Gee, all your ex's in the same room? I think you may be overreacting a little.

cbear2486 · 10-26-2008, 10:03 PM

All my exes? It's just one i'm talking about...

Syntax1985 · 10-26-2008, 10:04 PM

hmm its a hard one to judge to be honest, but i think your over looking a possibility he didn't feel it was right to show up, i guess he knew this day was pretty emotional for you and probably didn't want to show up and bring any more to your plate.

if i were in his shoes i probably wouldn't of shown up just for that reason. in a weird way its his way of showing support, i doubt he knew it would've meant so much to you if he came along with his friends. ~ just my opinion tho.

jenny_mcs · 10-26-2008, 10:13 PM

First of all, I'm sorry about your grandmother.

I read your other thread, and you and your ex have been broken up since February, and he has a new girlfriend. It's hard, but it's not his place or responsibility anymore to support you through situations like this.

I'm sorry you were disappointed that he didn't show up to the wake, but he probably felt it would not be appropriate. Now's the time to get comfort and support from friends and family. Hang in there.

cbear2486 · 10-26-2008, 10:19 PM

Oh, I forgot to mention that he wasn't seeing this girl around the time my grandmother passed.. she died in july and he didn't start seeing this chick until late september.. don't know if that changes your opinion on the matter or not.. i mean, had he had this new girl at the time i would've completely understood his reason for not coming lol

Crazyaboutdogs · 10-26-2008, 10:34 PM

Quote:

He told me that he would still be there for me that he was just a call/text away...

This is what you wrote in your previous post. He is clearly not true to his word...not surprising...he is just lip service and nothing else. You are well rid of him. It doesn't matter anymore that he didn't come...your true friends showed up...at least you found out what he was really about. Don't waste another minute thinking about him.

denise_14 · 10-27-2008, 12:51 AM

my condolences for the loss...

i was in a somewhat similar situation about a year ago. my grandfather passed away. i told my ex about it and he replied that he was sorry to hear that. at that time, we weren't really doing quite well as far as getting back together is concerned, but we were friends. i felt his support during that time because he would text me more often than he used to since the break up, and he tried to cheer me up. though he never met any of my family yet because our relationship only lasted for two months (although he and my mom had the chance to talk via text)i really wished he would come for the wake. well, he lives in a distant (7-hour drive) province away from us, that's why i understand it wasn't easy for him to show up. however, i knew that if we haven't broken up yet, he would drive all the way to show up for the wake, regardless of the distance. unfortunately, i'm no longer his gf.

during that week though, he attended a seminar in a nearby province. the seminar lasted for about a week. since he was only about 2 and a half hours away from me, i really expected that he could still make it to the last day of the wake. he didn't. what's even more painful is that, a week later (and he was still nearby because the seminar was still ongoing),i found out that he was able to attend the wake of a relative of one of our fraternity brods.

like you, i felt sad, but we're already exes. we're no longer as important to them as we were before. guess we have to be contented that they sent their condolences.

orangesoda · 10-27-2008, 03:59 AM

i'm kind of confused. did you actually invite him to the wake?

cbear2486 · 10-27-2008, 08:24 AM

I myself didn't invite him to the wake... but his 2 close friends who came invited him... and i just thought since he knew/loved my grandmother and since we were somewhat friends at the time that he would come and show his support...

10-26-2008, 09:53 PM	#1
cbear2486 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 34	should he have showed up to my grandmothers wake? My grandmother, who i was very close to, being as I was her only granddaughter out of 8 grandkids, died a little over two months ago ( it was pretty sudden)... I was one of the few people that stayed all day long by her bedside, talking to her while she was still coherent, and even after the fact that she slipped into a coma.. when she died, i was right by her bedside holding her hand.. it was quite a traumatic experience for me being as she was the first person who I was that close to, to have passed away and in front of my own eyes.. anyways, after this happened, i really needed someone to talk to.. someone, who like me, knew her and loved her.. one person popped into my mind and that was my ex boyfriend because she loved him so much and had so much hope for the two of us as a couple.. so i texted him telling him what had happened and he wrote in response that he was really sorry to hear that and that his sympathy went out to me and my family... it wasn't exactly what i was looking for, but it was enough at the time... 2 days later we had her wake and many people showed up.. friends, family.. and even some of my exes and i's mutual friends, including 2 of his best friends.. i was completely shocked to have seen them there because i had not seen them since my ex and i had broken up.. but they told me that i was always their favorite for him and that of course they would be there for me during a time such as this... I know for a fact that they told him they were coming and I'm pretty sure they asked if he were coming too... I kept hoping he'd show up, because it would've honestly have meant soo much to me.. he never did though... which i don't understand.. he knew her and loved her and she loved him.. the least he could've done was to show his respect for her and for me and my family... i can understand that he may have been uncomfortable in a sense, but it wasn't like we weren't talking or that i held a grudge against him for breaking up with me.. he even knew in previous conversations i had with him online, that my family and my friends missed having him around... i know i still shouldn't be bothered by this, but i am.. I guess it's because I'm still not over my grandmothers death and he was the one person I could talk to when things went wrong... should i be upset by this? or am i being completely ridiculous with the whole thing?

10-26-2008, 10:04 PM	#4
Syntax1985 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: United Kingdom Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 886	hmm its a hard one to judge to be honest, but i think your over looking a possibility he didn't feel it was right to show up, i guess he knew this day was pretty emotional for you and probably didn't want to show up and bring any more to your plate. if i were in his shoes i probably wouldn't of shown up just for that reason. in a weird way its his way of showing support, i doubt he knew it would've meant so much to you if he came along with his friends. ~ just my opinion tho. __________________ Who dares, wins. Mythical_Suicide = "If you have had sex, You are not a virgin"

10-27-2008, 12:51 AM	#8
denise_14 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: somewhere here... Gender: Female Posts: 517	my condolences for the loss... i was in a somewhat similar situation about a year ago. my grandfather passed away. i told my ex about it and he replied that he was sorry to hear that. at that time, we weren't really doing quite well as far as getting back together is concerned, but we were friends. i felt his support during that time because he would text me more often than he used to since the break up, and he tried to cheer me up. though he never met any of my family yet because our relationship only lasted for two months (although he and my mom had the chance to talk via text)i really wished he would come for the wake. well, he lives in a distant (7-hour drive) province away from us, that's why i understand it wasn't easy for him to show up. however, i knew that if we haven't broken up yet, he would drive all the way to show up for the wake, regardless of the distance. unfortunately, i'm no longer his gf. during that week though, he attended a seminar in a nearby province. the seminar lasted for about a week. since he was only about 2 and a half hours away from me, i really expected that he could still make it to the last day of the wake. he didn't. what's even more painful is that, a week later (and he was still nearby because the seminar was still ongoing),i found out that he was able to attend the wake of a relative of one of our fraternity brods. like you, i felt sad, but we're already exes. we're no longer as important to them as we were before. guess we have to be contented that they sent their condolences. __________________ Absence does for love what the wind does for flame: it extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong...

10-26-2008, 10:00 PM	#2
redhearts Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 4,623	Gee, all your ex's in the same room? I think you may be overreacting a little.

10-26-2008, 10:03 PM	#3
cbear2486 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 34	All my exes? It's just one i'm talking about...

10-26-2008, 10:13 PM	#5
jenny_mcs Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 1,618	First of all, I'm sorry about your grandmother. I read your other thread, and you and your ex have been broken up since February, and he has a new girlfriend. It's hard, but it's not his place or responsibility anymore to support you through situations like this. I'm sorry you were disappointed that he didn't show up to the wake, but he probably felt it would not be appropriate. Now's the time to get comfort and support from friends and family. Hang in there.

10-26-2008, 10:19 PM	#6
cbear2486 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 34	Oh, I forgot to mention that he wasn't seeing this girl around the time my grandmother passed.. she died in july and he didn't start seeing this chick until late september.. don't know if that changes your opinion on the matter or not.. i mean, had he had this new girl at the time i would've completely understood his reason for not coming lol

10-27-2008, 03:59 AM	#9
orangesoda Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,094	i'm kind of confused. did you actually invite him to the wake?

10-27-2008, 08:24 AM	#10
cbear2486 Offline Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 34	I myself didn't invite him to the wake... but his 2 close friends who came invited him... and i just thought since he knew/loved my grandmother and since we were somewhat friends at the time that he would come and show his support...