Thought I had a great date, but haven't heard from him

[violingirl]

I met a guy at a meetup group event a couple of weeks ago. At the event, he approached me and we ended up talking a lot. At the time, I had a inkling that he was interested in me, but didn't think anything would come of it. A couple of days later, he sent me an e-mail, and we exchanged a few e-mails, then he asked me out by phone.

We went on a first date on Thursday night - met for drinks and shared some appetizers. I had a great time and found myself very attracted to him. In fact, I haven't felt so attracted to a guy since my last relationship years ago. He is very smart and funny, and we seemed to have a lot in common. I really like him. During our date, he even complimented me 3 times - told me that I looked pretty, that he liked my necklace and that I am very interesting. It seemed like we had a very good connection. At the end of the date, I made sure to thank him for the drinks/appetizers and told him that I had a great time. He told me that he would call me "soon." He didn't try to kiss me or anything, but we were in a crowded subway station and were headed to different trains.

Now, I have hit my usual post-date doubting/obsessing period. I am not going to contact him, because I don't want to look desperate. But, in my experience, it's not good if a guy doesn't call within 24-48 hours after a date, and it's now been 2 days since our date. Now I am starting to think that I was wrong about the date, that maybe it didn't go as well as I thought and perhaps I did or said something that turned him off (even though I can't think of anything that I did wrong), and perhaps he is not attracted to me after all, even though he had complimented me. At the same time, I know that he had plans with friends last night and tonight. Plus, he just lost his job on Monday due to the economy, but he is already going to interviews to find a new job, so I am sure he is preoccupied with that.

Do you think that there is any possibility that he is interested in me? Do all guys wait more than 2 days to contact a girl they like?

[waveseer]

It could just be that his priority is to find a job. Maybe he thinks he has a better chance with you if he has good news on the employment front before he talks to you again.

[shikashika]

i think if he likes you he has 37 seconds to send you a text messge or 4 minutes to make a phone call. No one is that busy. This 'waiting-3-days' business is for immature teenagers.

Even if he does call, I think it may be a case of him not being as interested as he should be.

If a guy likes you, he will call you the next day. If he so-so likes you, he may get tired ofr work

Come on, we all know that when we like someone or we've been smitten on a recent date, we can't stop thinking about them, no matter if we have a final exam tomorrow or an important deadline at work.

Also, if he is interested, but lets other things become too much or a priority, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that anyway, because it would seem like too much work. I'd rather be single for ever than be in a relationship when i'm always wondering.

Just my opinion!

[violingirl]

What you both said could be true. On the one hand, he could be making getting a new job a priority and wants to have good news for me on that front the next time we talk (he had told me that he will be hearing from one place he interviewed with in about a week - by next Thursday). On the other hand, it doesn't take much time to call. I have no idea what to think.

[shikashika]

What you both said could be true. On the one hand, he could be making getting a new job a priority and wants to have good news for me on that front the next time we talk (he had told me that he will be hearing from one place he interviewed with in about a week - by next Thursday). On the other hand, it doesn't take much time to call. I have no idea what to think.

yes, maybe, but think of how you are dealing with this guy at the moment.

You had a great time,

You like him.

When you like someone, you are trying to focus on things that need to be done, like job, laundry, whatever, but you are skipping along thinking about your great date.

Its clear that you like him, because you've probably spent a good 30 min thinking about it before you wrote about it on ENA,

If someone really likes you, they will be thinking about you ... honestly it would take 5 minutes. just to say, 'hey, really enjoyed our date. hope you are well"

And, even if he does call in a few days, do you really want to be in a relationship where you are wondering when he's going to call or having to hold back from saying anythign because you don't want to appear to interested?

I'm over analysing it, yes, just speaking from personal experience.


When you both truly like someone, all these 'rules' go straight out the window!!

I do wish you good luck though!

[hopeless66]

Wow, everyone is getting down on this guy. It seems like he was a decent guy. He was nice, took you out for drinks, complimented you, didn't try to move in on you. Seemed pretty respectful and gentlemanly. He's got alot on his plate. He lost his job. Had prior plans. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy. You are in the getting to know you stage. Not to sound like a jerk, but why would he make you his first priority right now? I'm sure if he is interested he is asking the same questions that you are.

If you want to call him than pick up the phone.. This call/don't call are just games. They never help. 2 days is nothing. Doesn't mean he is or isn't interested. If you want to get an idea on how he feels send him a text messege and say, "I had a great time the other night. I wanted to thank you again for the drinks and food." He calls, great... If not, oh well. You will have your answer. Don't write the guy off due to circumstance.

[violingirl]

Wow, everyone is getting down on this guy. It seems like he was a decent guy. He was nice, took you out for drinks, complimented you, didn't try to move in on you. Seemed pretty respectful and gentlemanly. He's got alot on his plate. He lost his job. Had prior plans. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy. You are in the getting to know you stage. Not to sound like a jerk, but why would he make you his first priority right now? I'm sure if he is interested he is asking the same questions that you are.

If you want to call him than pick up the phone.. This call/don't call are just games. They never help. 2 days is nothing. Doesn't mean he is or isn't interested. If you want to get an idea on how he feels send him a text messege and say, "I had a great time the other night. I wanted to thank you again for the drinks and food." He calls, great... If not, oh well. You will have your answer. Don't write the guy off due to circumstance.

I am definitely not writing him off yet. I am just starting to worry that he is not interested in me. I think that I will give him a few more days to contact me, and if I don't hear from him, perhaps I will send him an e-mail. I usually don't contact a guy after a date, but I will probably take the risk this time if I don't hear from him in the next few days.

[Ammy]

I wouldn't worry too much, it's only been 2 days, and whilst I hate the 3-day rule rubbish, maybe he is sticking to that.. and in light of his employment situation, he may simply be preoccupied. I would give it a week, and if you've heard nothing, then you can either leave it altogether or send a casual text / email to check in... and see what happens.. if he is still a bit hazy / non commital, then call it quits. It sounds like the date went well however so try not to stress!

Ammy

[hopeless66]

I dunno why you would wait to contact him. Granted, I wouldn't do it tonight since its already too late, but I don't see a problem in shooting him a text or email tomorrow afternoon. Life is short. No one should sit around waiting on if someone is gonna call. Maybe he didn't feel like you were interested. If you send him a messege it will show some interest.

I am a firm believer that if you are interested or unsure, everyone should do 1 call. If there is no response than you don't do it again.

[Ammy]

I dunno why you would wait to contact him. Granted, I wouldn't do it tonight since its already too late, but I don't see a problem in shooting him a text or email tomorrow afternoon. Life is short. No one should sit around waiting on if someone is gonna call. Maybe he didn't feel like you were interested. If you send him a messege it will show some interest.

I am a firm believer that if you are interested or unsure, everyone should do 1 call. If there is no response than you don't do it again.

Good point, I agree... Sometimes I wonder why we play the games we do... I think I do it to "save face" if they don't like me and not be too overexposed and look desperate.. but at the end of the day who cares, if that's what he's going to think then more fool him.. rather if he does like you, you get your answer quicker with less of the stress and overanalysing...

That said, limit it to one text / call / email and wait till he responds, and never do it too early on except if it's the "Thanks for a great date" one.. I just think coming across too eager can sometimes give the other person a bad impression.. getting the balance between too eager and nonchalant is the key!

Ammy