narcissistic personality, anyone?

butterfly07 · 10-21-2008, 04:57 PM

Hi

Im just curious about narcissistic personality and if anyone has dated someone like this? What were some of the things you went through and have they ever *excuse my terminology* dropped you like a hot rock when they were done with you? I read up a little bit on narcissitic personality and how they can be selfish, only in the relationship for their own gain. I also read that they can let you go as fast as you came into their lives and forget about you like there's no tomorrow. Do they really believe they are better than everyone? I'd like to see how you dealt with someone like this and what it was like, I look forward to reading your responses!!

Thanks

**BlueAfterglow08** · 10-21-2008, 05:03 PM

Yeah my ex was totally narcisssitc, very 'me me me' Never admitted he'd done anything wrong, loved recieving attention and praise and put nothing back in. Wouldnt date them again.

Yes he did that, propsed to me, four months later 'We have nothing in common byee'

RandomAdvisor · 10-21-2008, 05:10 PM

I JUST posted about this and my ex with narcissistic tendencies.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252872

I don't think my ex was a clinical case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but she definitely had many symptoms of it.

She was very selfish and self centered, always concerned with her own suffering. Unable to have any consideration for my pain and hurt when she was the one who hurt me. Unable to take responsibility for her actions and mistakes - absolutely everything was my fault. By extension, unable and unwilling to see her own faults even when I pointed them out to her with ample evidence. She once told me she wanted to be with me all the time. I said this was proof she was very needy, and she denied it. She accused me of not trying. That was her other big thing. No matter how much effort I put in or tried to please her, it was never enough. In one breath she would accuse me of not trying at all, and in the next breath thank me for all the things I was doing for her.

I'm thinking about it all and I know now that she has some serious issues, but it brings me no comfort. There are a lot more details in my thread linked above.

Up and Down · 10-21-2008, 05:22 PM

Yes I think my ex was NPD/BPD/HPD. You will find that the cluster B personality disorders can be comorbid and often are depending on how they feel that day.

It keeps you on your toes, that's for sure. After a while you are just walking on eggshells. It's not any one thing that makes a person a narcissist..rather a culmination of things. I will say it can be hard to tell what's going on as there tends to be very sweet periods interlaced with very angry/mean periods.

She would not apologize, would make comments about how she was better looking than other people we were out with. Tell me how she was "different" from others. Hated an opinion that was different than hers...not at first but this became apparant later. Hated any sort of criticism...had a my way or a high way attitude. Was impulsive...could be abusive...verbally, emotionally, physically. Didn't apologize when she was out of line, unless prompted...and even then in hingsight I have to wonder if she meant it.

I should say that she had many redeeming qualities and I am sure to an outside person was the perfect, girlfriend etc and she could be. But she was always yelling at me for something...and I was trying to adjust my behaviour to try to avoid getting yelled at. Inevitably it's always something. It happens slowly over time though, because if they were like that when you first met them it would be easy to not date them...that's the hard part, you want to return to the wonderful person you first met...unfortunately it's a farce. It chips away at your soul and esteem little by little.

Most people like this are abusive.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Cognitive_Canine · 10-21-2008, 06:31 PM

I'm a huge narcissist. But, no one ever really knows until I tell them....

sandrawg · 10-21-2008, 08:53 PM

Wow, it hurts to read all these previous messages, because they just bring back so many BAD memories. I was with a guy who was a narcissist for a year. And yes, he was abusive...definitely verbally and emotionally abusive, but probably would've gotten physically abusive had I not left before things got out of control.

He showed narcisstic tendencies from the beginning--LOTS of red flags, but I ignored them.

Just a few things he did:

He would make me cancel plans with my friends to hang out with him to do something fun. When he got to my place, he would decide we WEREN'T doing the fun thing he promised me we'd do. He'd always change the plans, and usually after about an hour, he'd say "I'm bored" and leave. I spent many a night crying over this kind of behavior.

He would never ask me what i wanted to watch on TV-it was always his choice. He would also make me get up and get him tea-if i didn't feel like doing it, he would practically kick me off the couch.

He would always drone on and on about his pathological rel'ship with his mother, and expected me to listen to him, even til 2-3am in the morning. I'd say "I really gotta go to bed", and he would just ignore me. But when I tried to talk about my problems, he'd snap at me. "I don't have time for that right now!"

He was trying to start a business. He was always dumping his work related to that on me and, like an idiot, I'd do it for him. Not only that, I never got a word of thanks, and when he called me at work once to do a spreadsheet for him, he got mad when I told him I had a meeting. He said "That's not acceptable!" I read him the riot act. I truly don't think he would've cared if I had gotten fired.

One night, I was making my own microwave dinner. He came up and took it out of the microwave and goes "THANK YOU!" I said "that's for me", and he went into a RAGE! I offered to make him one, but NO, that wouldn't suffice. He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night.

He was always telling me I wasn't good enough. My boobs weren't big enough. I smelled funny-he was always making me take showers so he wouldn' t have to smell me (I now think this was a form of abuse, to make me feel bad about myself.)

I could go on and on. Thank god I got out. Every once in a while he tries to contact me and I ignore him.

Please, if you're with someone like this, get out ASAP. You have no idea the damage it does to you.

sandrawg · 10-21-2008, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Up and Down

After a while you are just walking on eggshells. It's not any one thing that makes a person a narcissist..rather a culmination of things. I will say it can be hard to tell what's going on as there tends to be very sweet periods interlaced with very angry/mean periods.

Yep, yep-I totally agree. It's the most stressful thing you can imagine to be in this type of rel'ship.

butterfly07 · 10-27-2008, 10:59 PM

thank you for all your input and your experiences, i really appreciate reading them all. I didn't get into a full out relationship with this type of individual but he had left me flat, thinking about where i went wrong and what i said wrong. After doing some research, reading all your responses, its really interesting to know that some people (narcissists) are really incapable of feeling empathy for others. It varies in degrees i think, but they had a lot of the same traits and it can be a really hurtful/damaging relationship. I'm glad to hear those who got out of it, I can't begin to imagine the pain and hurt experienced after being in a serious relationship with one of these types of personalities. It's amazing the manipulation and power they can hold over someone. I'm not saying all nacissists are bad people, but from some of the research I had done and reading your posts it can be very hurtful and almost impossible to please these types of people.
Thanks again for sharing. Best of luck with your relationships in the future, thankfully you can look back on this and look at it as another experience in life... I'm tryin to do that right now.

jessicamarie · 11-20-2008, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sandrawg

Wow, it hurts to read all these previous messages, because they just bring back so many BAD memories. I was with a guy who was a narcissist for a year. And yes, he was abusive...definitely verbally and emotionally abusive, but probably would've gotten physically abusive had I not left before things got out of control.

He showed narcisstic tendencies from the beginning--LOTS of red flags, but I ignored them.

Just a few things he did:

He would make me cancel plans with my friends to hang out with him to do something fun. When he got to my place, he would decide we WEREN'T doing the fun thing he promised me we'd do. He'd always change the plans, and usually after about an hour, he'd say "I'm bored" and leave. I spent many a night crying over this kind of behavior.

He would never ask me what i wanted to watch on TV-it was always his choice. He would also make me get up and get him tea-if i didn't feel like doing it, he would practically kick me off the couch.

He would always drone on and on about his pathological rel'ship with his mother, and expected me to listen to him, even til 2-3am in the morning. I'd say "I really gotta go to bed", and he would just ignore me. But when I tried to talk about my problems, he'd snap at me. "I don't have time for that right now!"

He was trying to start a business. He was always dumping his work related to that on me and, like an idiot, I'd do it for him. Not only that, I never got a word of thanks, and when he called me at work once to do a spreadsheet for him, he got mad when I told him I had a meeting. He said "That's not acceptable!" I read him the riot act. I truly don't think he would've cared if I had gotten fired.

One night, I was making my own microwave dinner. He came up and took it out of the microwave and goes "THANK YOU!" I said "that's for me", and he went into a RAGE! I offered to make him one, but NO, that wouldn't suffice. He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night.

He was always telling me I wasn't good enough. My boobs weren't big enough. I smelled funny-he was always making me take showers so he wouldn' t have to smell me (I now think this was a form of abuse, to make me feel bad about myself.)

I could go on and on. Thank god I got out. Every once in a while he tries to contact me and I ignore him.

Please, if you're with someone like this, get out ASAP. You have no idea the damage it does to you.

Wow, This is all to familiar! My boyfriend pulls the same type of thing! Always asking me to get up and get/ make things for him as if I were his servant,, telling me my hair needs a change because it looks too plain and comparing it to models/ porn star pictures, telling me I need a nose job, and breast implants, telling me I stink, and I need to take a shower because one shower a day was not enough, despite the fact that I am not an unusually smelly/ unusually active person.
Also, he will forget to tell me something, and then when he "reminds" me about it, and I say he never told me about it, his reply is that I don't "remember it". So basically he won't admit that he forgot something, instead he berrates me and says I can't remember anything. (I've actually tested this by writing down every event, party, concert, ect. for an entire day, and it turns out he pulled the same thing) He also comes up with little nick-names for me which he thinks are so funny despite the fact that it upsets me. For example, when I can't "remember something", he'll call me "re-re" which is short for retard I suppose, and he'll call me "stinky" because I only took one shower that day- and he'll say these things right in front of other people/ friends- which makes me appear very unintelligent/ dirty to others. UGH! Needless to say I am going to move out soon...but apparently alot of people treat their partners in this condesending way, and have the same abusive tendancies.

extinct · 11-22-2008, 04:40 PM

My ex said "Next to you, I am a God."
He said "You don't deserve me."
He told me to go kill myself.
I caught him checking himself out in the mirror and in window reflections.
He stuck his chest out a LOT.
He told me all the music I like SUCKED.
He called me "Brainless."
If he lost in a poker game, he would carry the weight around saying "I should have won" and "the guy probably has a bigger d*** than me." (and we were married)
He would sit there playing Rock paper scissors and Red light green light with our son for long periods of time completely ignoring me and our daughter -and he would act like a child while playing it.
He would watch football games and shut his family out like it was the only thing that mattered and would treat us like he was disappointed in us if his team lost.
He hated letting me pick movies.
He accused me of thinking I was better than him constantly.
He told me women have treated him like a king.
He NEVER ONCE accepted responsibility for ANYTHING. It was always someone else's fault.
We were in a restaurant eating next to mexicans and he said loudly "Why don't Americans move to mexico!" He used the N word and S word and would say it loud enough for them to hear.
He urinated in the yard our kids played in so many times just because and said "That's what guys do."
He told me that if he gave me one more baby, I had to give him two more after that.
He was a pathological liar.
He told me a story about a dog he had who died and cried to get attention when really, he didn't even want support. When his aunt was sick, he wanted me to comfort him and tell him how great he was.
He thought he was the best guy at his company and talked bad about the employees.
When he heard people say "Jesus," he would say "No, it's (his name)."
He had no real true friends, but he thought everyone either loved him or wanted to be him.
He treated me like a housekeeper and servant. He tried to make me feel stupid all of the time.
He either flirted with other women or treated them like they were f-ups when we would go out.
He named his own penis.
He was always selling himself wherever he could and made himself sound like he knew what he was talking about.
He said "I'm a BMF."
When I FINALLY left and took my bed, he bragged about how he went out the next day and bought himself a king size bed and said to me "It's nice-and I won't stay single for long."
He had this bedtime ritual where he said things to me hoping that I would feel like nothing and useless so that he could sleep well.

I would describe my time with him as TORTURE.

10-21-2008, 04:57 PM	#1
butterfly07 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 93	narcissistic personality, anyone? Hi Im just curious about narcissistic personality and if anyone has dated someone like this? What were some of the things you went through and have they ever excuse my terminology dropped you like a hot rock when they were done with you? I read up a little bit on narcissitic personality and how they can be selfish, only in the relationship for their own gain. I also read that they can let you go as fast as you came into their lives and forget about you like there's no tomorrow. Do they really believe they are better than everyone? I'd like to see how you dealt with someone like this and what it was like, I look forward to reading your responses!! Thanks

10-21-2008, 05:03 PM	#2
BlueAfterglow08 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: UK Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 5,248	Yeah my ex was totally narcisssitc, very 'me me me' Never admitted he'd done anything wrong, loved recieving attention and praise and put nothing back in. Wouldnt date them again. Yes he did that, propsed to me, four months later 'We have nothing in common byee' __________________ Please see the forum rules before posting http://www.enotalone.com/forum/forum-rules.php ''Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.' -Mahatma Gandhi'

10-21-2008, 05:10 PM	#3
RandomAdvisor Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: East Coast Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,669	I JUST posted about this and my ex with narcissistic tendencies. http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=252872 I don't think my ex was a clinical case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but she definitely had many symptoms of it. She was very selfish and self centered, always concerned with her own suffering. Unable to have any consideration for my pain and hurt when she was the one who hurt me. Unable to take responsibility for her actions and mistakes - absolutely everything was my fault. By extension, unable and unwilling to see her own faults even when I pointed them out to her with ample evidence. She once told me she wanted to be with me all the time. I said this was proof she was very needy, and she denied it. She accused me of not trying. That was her other big thing. No matter how much effort I put in or tried to please her, it was never enough. In one breath she would accuse me of not trying at all, and in the next breath thank me for all the things I was doing for her. I'm thinking about it all and I know now that she has some serious issues, but it brings me no comfort. There are a lot more details in my thread linked above.

10-21-2008, 05:22 PM	#4
Up and Down Offline Gold Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Age: 34 Posts: 723	Yes I think my ex was NPD/BPD/HPD. You will find that the cluster B personality disorders can be comorbid and often are depending on how they feel that day. It keeps you on your toes, that's for sure. After a while you are just walking on eggshells. It's not any one thing that makes a person a narcissist..rather a culmination of things. I will say it can be hard to tell what's going on as there tends to be very sweet periods interlaced with very angry/mean periods. She would not apologize, would make comments about how she was better looking than other people we were out with. Tell me how she was "different" from others. Hated an opinion that was different than hers...not at first but this became apparant later. Hated any sort of criticism...had a my way or a high way attitude. Was impulsive...could be abusive...verbally, emotionally, physically. Didn't apologize when she was out of line, unless prompted...and even then in hingsight I have to wonder if she meant it. I should say that she had many redeeming qualities and I am sure to an outside person was the perfect, girlfriend etc and she could be. But she was always yelling at me for something...and I was trying to adjust my behaviour to try to avoid getting yelled at. Inevitably it's always something. It happens slowly over time though, because if they were like that when you first met them it would be easy to not date them...that's the hard part, you want to return to the wonderful person you first met...unfortunately it's a farce. It chips away at your soul and esteem little by little. Most people like this are abusive. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

10-21-2008, 06:31 PM	#5
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,326	I'm a huge narcissist. But, no one ever really knows until I tell them....

10-21-2008, 08:53 PM	#6
sandrawg Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Posts: 696	Wow, it hurts to read all these previous messages, because they just bring back so many BAD memories. I was with a guy who was a narcissist for a year. And yes, he was abusive...definitely verbally and emotionally abusive, but probably would've gotten physically abusive had I not left before things got out of control. He showed narcisstic tendencies from the beginning--LOTS of red flags, but I ignored them. Just a few things he did: He would make me cancel plans with my friends to hang out with him to do something fun. When he got to my place, he would decide we WEREN'T doing the fun thing he promised me we'd do. He'd always change the plans, and usually after about an hour, he'd say "I'm bored" and leave. I spent many a night crying over this kind of behavior. He would never ask me what i wanted to watch on TV-it was always his choice. He would also make me get up and get him tea-if i didn't feel like doing it, he would practically kick me off the couch. He would always drone on and on about his pathological rel'ship with his mother, and expected me to listen to him, even til 2-3am in the morning. I'd say "I really gotta go to bed", and he would just ignore me. But when I tried to talk about my problems, he'd snap at me. "I don't have time for that right now!" He was trying to start a business. He was always dumping his work related to that on me and, like an idiot, I'd do it for him. Not only that, I never got a word of thanks, and when he called me at work once to do a spreadsheet for him, he got mad when I told him I had a meeting. He said "That's not acceptable!" I read him the riot act. I truly don't think he would've cared if I had gotten fired. One night, I was making my own microwave dinner. He came up and took it out of the microwave and goes "THANK YOU!" I said "that's for me", and he went into a RAGE! I offered to make him one, but NO, that wouldn't suffice. He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. He was always telling me I wasn't good enough. My boobs weren't big enough. I smelled funny-he was always making me take showers so he wouldn' t have to smell me (I now think this was a form of abuse, to make me feel bad about myself.) I could go on and on. Thank god I got out. Every once in a while he tries to contact me and I ignore him. Please, if you're with someone like this, get out ASAP. You have no idea the damage it does to you.

10-27-2008, 10:59 PM	#8
butterfly07 Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 93	thank you for all your input and your experiences, i really appreciate reading them all. I didn't get into a full out relationship with this type of individual but he had left me flat, thinking about where i went wrong and what i said wrong. After doing some research, reading all your responses, its really interesting to know that some people (narcissists) are really incapable of feeling empathy for others. It varies in degrees i think, but they had a lot of the same traits and it can be a really hurtful/damaging relationship. I'm glad to hear those who got out of it, I can't begin to imagine the pain and hurt experienced after being in a serious relationship with one of these types of personalities. It's amazing the manipulation and power they can hold over someone. I'm not saying all nacissists are bad people, but from some of the research I had done and reading your posts it can be very hurtful and almost impossible to please these types of people. Thanks again for sharing. Best of luck with your relationships in the future, thankfully you can look back on this and look at it as another experience in life... I'm tryin to do that right now.

11-22-2008, 04:40 PM	#10
extinct Offline Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 58	My ex said "Next to you, I am a God." He said "You don't deserve me." He told me to go kill myself. I caught him checking himself out in the mirror and in window reflections. He stuck his chest out a LOT. He told me all the music I like SUCKED. He called me "Brainless." If he lost in a poker game, he would carry the weight around saying "I should have won" and "the guy probably has a bigger d*** than me." (and we were married) He would sit there playing Rock paper scissors and Red light green light with our son for long periods of time completely ignoring me and our daughter -and he would act like a child while playing it. He would watch football games and shut his family out like it was the only thing that mattered and would treat us like he was disappointed in us if his team lost. He hated letting me pick movies. He accused me of thinking I was better than him constantly. He told me women have treated him like a king. He NEVER ONCE accepted responsibility for ANYTHING. It was always someone else's fault. We were in a restaurant eating next to mexicans and he said loudly "Why don't Americans move to mexico!" He used the N word and S word and would say it loud enough for them to hear. He urinated in the yard our kids played in so many times just because and said "That's what guys do." He told me that if he gave me one more baby, I had to give him two more after that. He was a pathological liar. He told me a story about a dog he had who died and cried to get attention when really, he didn't even want support. When his aunt was sick, he wanted me to comfort him and tell him how great he was. He thought he was the best guy at his company and talked bad about the employees. When he heard people say "Jesus," he would say "No, it's (his name)." He had no real true friends, but he thought everyone either loved him or wanted to be him. He treated me like a housekeeper and servant. He tried to make me feel stupid all of the time. He either flirted with other women or treated them like they were f-ups when we would go out. He named his own penis. He was always selling himself wherever he could and made himself sound like he knew what he was talking about. He said "I'm a BMF." When I FINALLY left and took my bed, he bragged about how he went out the next day and bought himself a king size bed and said to me "It's nice-and I won't stay single for long." He had this bedtime ritual where he said things to me hoping that I would feel like nothing and useless so that he could sleep well. I would describe my time with him as TORTURE.