Feeling Smothered

miracle29 · 10-21-2008, 12:08 PM

Anyone who's followed my thread will know i'm still going through an overdo divorce. I dated a fluke, than met a really nice guy. This man is a wonderful person HOWEVER..i'm starting to see signs of clingyness and dependency and over attachment. He seems to be looking for a mother or a caretaker. I cook for him almost everynight and he has not yet given me a day to myself. He wants to spend the night with me EVERYNIGHT even when i'm just getting my daughter back and need time with her. He was letting me drive his truck and I put two and two together, he's keeping tabs on me. If I get off at five, and have to pick him up at six thats only one hour for me to have ME time before he and I are together again. This is not going to work for me. I need me time. I'm not cheating, i'm not sneaking I am just needing ME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So today I actually refused his offer for me to drive his truck. I said "na, i'm ok today thanks" He got upset "why not, I want you to drive it" to which I said "We're not married honey we are JUST dating. I don't need to be driving your truck like i'm you're wife, when we are dating". He looked upset. I am feeling smothered here.

Not to mention we went to barnes and nobles once and he sees some guy he thought I would think was cute (PUKES so did not) and starts giving the guy dirty looks and tells me" If he looks at you ass again i'm going to go over there and break his face in"

I WAS SO TURNED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is really going on here. Is he this insecure?

george237 · 10-21-2008, 12:11 PM

Sucks you need to talk to this guy. Tell him that you need your space and he needs to understand that men are going to look at you but it doesn't mean you appreciate the stares. This kind of behavior however is most likely only going to be hidden for a short time and will resurface later.

ryan123 · 10-21-2008, 12:14 PM

He needs to sort his issues out. Talk to him. Prepare for him to take offense though. People like that don't handle criticism well.

Victoria66 · 10-21-2008, 12:15 PM

I think it is time to sit him down and have a talk.

miracle29 · 10-21-2008, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by george237

Sucks you need to talk to this guy. Tell him that you need your space and he needs to understand that men are going to look at you but it doesn't mean you appreciate the stares. This kind of behavior however is most likely only going to be hidden for a short time and will resurface later.

Yes thats a fear of mine. He just seems to insecure. I'm turned off. Than he wants to kiss me and he is all over me and I love affection however he is doing it WAYYYYYYYYYY too much. Especially in public. Like he is trying to show the guys he has me. I don't like this. If i'm with my daughter i don't want someone all over me. Its weird I can't figure out what he is doing here. I think he may be a control freak, and a jealous insecure clingly smothering type. TURN OFF!!

He also has no life. He has made me his life already and we JUST started dating. He wont go anywhere without me! He has no friends here and I think that he will be very upset once I begin just being myself and hanging with my friends. I don't think he'll be able to handle it.

george237 · 10-21-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miracle29

Yes thats a fear of mine. He just seems to insecure. I'm turned off. Than he wants to kiss me and he is all over me and I love affection however he is doing it WAYYYYYYYYYY too much. Especially in public. Like he is trying to show the guys he has me. I don't like this. If i'm with my daughter i don't want someone all over me. Its weird I can't figure out what he is doing here. I think he may be a control freak, and a jealous insecure clingly smothering type. TURN OFF!!

He also has no life. He has made me his life already and we JUST started dating. He wont go anywhere without me! He has no friends here and I think that he will be very upset once I begin just being myself and hanging with my friends. I don't think he'll be able to handle it.

Well he does sound very insecure and jealous. If you just started dating do you really want to continue with someone whose insecurities are a turnoff and will most likely be worse. If your not happy I would leave, but that's just me.

kuiks8 · 10-21-2008, 12:27 PM

i dated a guy like this once...when we went out in public he would put his hand in my back pocket of my jeans, i asked him to stop and he asked why i didn't want people to know i was with him....the funniest part was he was this 6'4 muscle bound football player...soo disappointing...i finally couldn't take it. We had several talks about me needing my own space and time etc and it just never got through to him.
You can try talking to him but guys like this are pretty hard to change..
good luck!

Victoria66 · 10-21-2008, 12:32 PM

When people have to control your every move and want to know where and what you are doing and never let you have friends or your own time, that is a sign that someone can be abusive later, I am not saying that he will be, but it is a danger sign.

miracle29 · 10-21-2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Victoria66

When people have to control your every move and want to know where and what you are doing and never let you have friends or your own time, that is a sign that someone can be abusive later, I am not saying that he will be, but it is a danger sign.

Yes and I just came out of a HORRIDLY physically and verbally abusive. He was jealous and crazy and told me how ugly i was and how no one would want me but he was always all over me.

This one is more kind and sweet. I know he would never hit me (just know it) but I think this will get old and FAST!

miracle29 · 10-21-2008, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kuiks8

i dated a guy like this once...when we went out in public he would put his hand in my back pocket of my jeans, i asked him to stop and he asked why i didn't want people to know i was with him....the funniest part was he was this 6'4 muscle bound football player...soo disappointing...i finally couldn't take it. We had several talks about me needing my own space and time etc and it just never got through to him.
You can try talking to him but guys like this are pretty hard to change..
good luck!

Well this one is very handsome and girls always look at him, doesn't bother me. But for some reason it really bothers him when men look at me. I'm not bragger (well maybe on my cooking) but men look at me. Men have even broken their necks to look at my butt. I've had men ask me if I modeled. If he can't handle a few stares...he's going to be in hell with me. Thats not my fault men find me attractive. His brothers wife even told him she'd like to try something with me. (not my thing).

10-21-2008, 12:08 PM	#1
miracle29 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Dudes..I'm In FLA now! Yayyy Gender: Female Age: 35 Posts: 1,532	Feeling Smothered Anyone who's followed my thread will know i'm still going through an overdo divorce. I dated a fluke, than met a really nice guy. This man is a wonderful person HOWEVER..i'm starting to see signs of clingyness and dependency and over attachment. He seems to be looking for a mother or a caretaker. I cook for him almost everynight and he has not yet given me a day to myself. He wants to spend the night with me EVERYNIGHT even when i'm just getting my daughter back and need time with her. He was letting me drive his truck and I put two and two together, he's keeping tabs on me. If I get off at five, and have to pick him up at six thats only one hour for me to have ME time before he and I are together again. This is not going to work for me. I need me time. I'm not cheating, i'm not sneaking I am just needing ME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So today I actually refused his offer for me to drive his truck. I said "na, i'm ok today thanks" He got upset "why not, I want you to drive it" to which I said "We're not married honey we are JUST dating. I don't need to be driving your truck like i'm you're wife, when we are dating". He looked upset. I am feeling smothered here. Not to mention we went to barnes and nobles once and he sees some guy he thought I would think was cute (PUKES so did not) and starts giving the guy dirty looks and tells me" If he looks at you ass again i'm going to go over there and break his face in" I WAS SO TURNED OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is really going on here. Is he this insecure? __________________ From the Movie Step Brothers Brennan plays on drumset] Dale: "Did you touch my drumset?" Brennan: "Nope." Dale: "Why are you so sweaty?" Brennan: "I was watching cops." Dale: "Liar, I know Cops starts at 4"

10-21-2008, 12:15 PM	#4
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,601	I think it is time to sit him down and have a talk. __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

10-21-2008, 12:32 PM	#8
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,601	When people have to control your every move and want to know where and what you are doing and never let you have friends or your own time, that is a sign that someone can be abusive later, I am not saying that he will be, but it is a danger sign. __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

10-21-2008, 12:11 PM	#2
george237 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 2,123	Sucks you need to talk to this guy. Tell him that you need your space and he needs to understand that men are going to look at you but it doesn't mean you appreciate the stares. This kind of behavior however is most likely only going to be hidden for a short time and will resurface later.

10-21-2008, 12:14 PM	#3
ryan123 Offline Join Date: May 2007 Location: MASSHOLE Gender: Male Age: 22 Posts: 1,220	He needs to sort his issues out. Talk to him. Prepare for him to take offense though. People like that don't handle criticism well.

10-21-2008, 12:27 PM	#7
kuiks8 Offline Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver Gender: Female Posts: 3,273	i dated a guy like this once...when we went out in public he would put his hand in my back pocket of my jeans, i asked him to stop and he asked why i didn't want people to know i was with him....the funniest part was he was this 6'4 muscle bound football player...soo disappointing...i finally couldn't take it. We had several talks about me needing my own space and time etc and it just never got through to him. You can try talking to him but guys like this are pretty hard to change.. good luck!