pray for me this week....

**annie24** · 10-19-2008, 02:45 PM

my mother is coming in from out of town to visit me. i only see my mother once a year. i can hardly stand her. i mean, she is a nice enough woman, to strangers. if you meet her out and about, she'll be the nicest woman to you, and try to do all sorts of favors for you and bake you something very nice. but she is sooo overbearing. she's been the main source of so much anxiety in my life.

i was just telling someone else. when i was 11, she read my diary, and then made suggestions about things i should write about. when i went to visit her for christmas a few years ago, it was awful. i had a huge exam i was studying for in grad school. as in, if i didn't pass, i would be kicked out of school. it's that big. during christmas break, she proceeded to knock on my door every half hour, either to tell me i was fat and needed to lose weight, or to offer me food.

my therapist said, 'no wonder you have so much anxiety in your life, she gave you such conflicting messages!' all this at a time when i just needed support, more than anything else.

she does the same thing to my half brother, he barely talks to her too, for the same reasons.

she's coming to visit me later this week and she really wants to stay with me, doesn't want a hotel. sigh. i said fine. i need to clean my place, and put everything in storage that she might deem as 'inaproppriate.' my mom likes to snoop.

the thing is.... she's also bringing me a pretty substantial check, part of the proceeds from the sale of her home (which my late father bought).

sigh. frustrating.

i am trying to think of events to keep her occupied and away from driving me insane. like local music events. she likes antique/discount shops, so i might take her there too.

arrrgh!!!!

kuiks8 · 10-19-2008, 02:49 PM

well that sounds pretty stressful...I think it is a really good idea to find things for her that she likes to do...will you be working while she is there?
Maybe you can plan a nice day together (jam packed with activities) and then outline some clear boundaries for what your expectations are and what you are willing to do...a great thing to do would maybe do a mini spa day or go for a mani/pedi...this way you can relax and she feels special too...

I will be thinking about you...families are tough!

Batya33 · 10-19-2008, 02:51 PM

Annie, you will be in my thoughts too. Hang in there.

Victoria66 · 10-19-2008, 02:52 PM

I am sorry hun. I have to ask why you bother at all? My dad is very abusive and I think I have seen him maybe 12 times in 17 years. Why is it that you bother?

Syntax1985 · 10-19-2008, 02:59 PM

i dont think your mums that bad of person, she does annoying things, and gives you mixed messages, but have to see the intention is there?
i mean she called ya fat, but she wanted you to be healthy, she snoops around because she wants to know how your living, she offered you food because she wanted to make sure you were well fed and concentrating on your studies,
yeah you right, your mum gives mixed messages, but i think deep down on her account it was genuinely good intentions, give her a break this week :P,
so many of us try to do the best thing but go about it the wrong way, hell spend 10 minutes looking through these forums :P.

**arwen** · 10-19-2008, 02:59 PM

sigh. I know how ambivalent you can feel in dealing with your parents...

(((HUGS)))

**annie24** · 10-19-2008, 03:01 PM

my mom isn't a bad woman. she's just horribly neruotic when it comes to family. i'm very close with most of the rest of my family though.

and i hate to say it, but part of me just want to be nice to her this weekend so she gives me the check. i'm sure that she would give me the check even if i were absolutely horrible to her. but i don't want to be mean to her.

i was hoping that she would bring her husband. i don't consider him my stepdad. they married when i was 23. personally? i think he's a gold digger of sorts. but at least my mom is having fun with him, they go out to movies, concerts, travel together, etc..... she's in her 60s, and deserves some fun. i was hoping he would come too, because he often takes my side and kind of 'calms her down' and stops her from attacking me. but she doesn't want to bring him because my brother doesn't get along with him.

sigh.

**annie24** · 10-19-2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syntax1985

i dont think your mums that bad of person, she does annoying things, and gives you mixed messages, but have to see the intention is there?
i mean she called ya fat, but she wanted you to be healthy, she snoops around because she wants to know how your living, she offered you food because she wanted to make sure you were well fed and concentrating on your studies,
yeah you right, your mum gives mixed messages, but i think deep down on her account it was genuinely good intentions, give her a break this week :P,
so many of us try to do the best thing but go about it the wrong way, hell spend 10 minutes looking through these forums :P.

i know, her intentions are good. she just wants me to be happy and healthy and well fed. she's just awful sometimes, in the way how she does it. obviously, coming and telling a person who is studying for the biggest exam of her life that she is 'fat and has no willpower', meanwhile offering pancakes half an hour later is enough to make any person go

Victoria66 · 10-19-2008, 03:04 PM

I am sorry. Hug

**annie24** · 10-19-2008, 03:04 PM

she gives me such crap when i visit other family for the holidays and not her. i visit my aunts and uncles and cousins because they love me and don't critisize me horribly. or if they do, they say it in the nicest and most genuinely loving way possible. my mother is just so critical.

10-19-2008, 02:45 PM	#1
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,820	pray for me this week.... my mother is coming in from out of town to visit me. i only see my mother once a year. i can hardly stand her. i mean, she is a nice enough woman, to strangers. if you meet her out and about, she'll be the nicest woman to you, and try to do all sorts of favors for you and bake you something very nice. but she is sooo overbearing. she's been the main source of so much anxiety in my life. i was just telling someone else. when i was 11, she read my diary, and then made suggestions about things i should write about. when i went to visit her for christmas a few years ago, it was awful. i had a huge exam i was studying for in grad school. as in, if i didn't pass, i would be kicked out of school. it's that big. during christmas break, she proceeded to knock on my door every half hour, either to tell me i was fat and needed to lose weight, or to offer me food. my therapist said, 'no wonder you have so much anxiety in your life, she gave you such conflicting messages!' all this at a time when i just needed support, more than anything else. she does the same thing to my half brother, he barely talks to her too, for the same reasons. she's coming to visit me later this week and she really wants to stay with me, doesn't want a hotel. sigh. i said fine. i need to clean my place, and put everything in storage that she might deem as 'inaproppriate.' my mom likes to snoop. the thing is.... she's also bringing me a pretty substantial check, part of the proceeds from the sale of her home (which my late father bought). sigh. frustrating. i am trying to think of events to keep her occupied and away from driving me insane. like local music events. she likes antique/discount shops, so i might take her there too. arrrgh!!!!

10-19-2008, 02:52 PM	#4
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,601	I am sorry hun. I have to ask why you bother at all? My dad is very abusive and I think I have seen him maybe 12 times in 17 years. Why is it that you bother? __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

10-19-2008, 02:59 PM	#6
arwen Online Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	sigh. I know how ambivalent you can feel in dealing with your parents... (((HUGS))) __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

10-19-2008, 03:04 PM	#9
Victoria66 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: for now where the CF sends us Gender: Female Age: 43 Posts: 4,601	I am sorry. Hug __________________ ADHD= Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension. For my Indigo son. Know how to suffer and how to laugh. Mother Teresa If you judge people you have no time to love them. Mother Teresa Run amok empath= the end of little miss nice girl. Tomorrow IS another day. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EM7FaOc3Zk What Child Is This.

10-19-2008, 02:49 PM	#2
kuiks8 Offline Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Vancouver Gender: Female Posts: 3,273	well that sounds pretty stressful...I think it is a really good idea to find things for her that she likes to do...will you be working while she is there? Maybe you can plan a nice day together (jam packed with activities) and then outline some clear boundaries for what your expectations are and what you are willing to do...a great thing to do would maybe do a mini spa day or go for a mani/pedi...this way you can relax and she feels special too... I will be thinking about you...families are tough!

10-19-2008, 02:51 PM	#3
Batya33 Online Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,072	Annie, you will be in my thoughts too. Hang in there.

10-19-2008, 02:59 PM	#5
Syntax1985 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: United Kingdom Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 886	i dont think your mums that bad of person, she does annoying things, and gives you mixed messages, but have to see the intention is there? i mean she called ya fat, but she wanted you to be healthy, she snoops around because she wants to know how your living, she offered you food because she wanted to make sure you were well fed and concentrating on your studies, yeah you right, your mum gives mixed messages, but i think deep down on her account it was genuinely good intentions, give her a break this week :P, so many of us try to do the best thing but go about it the wrong way, hell spend 10 minutes looking through these forums :P.

10-19-2008, 03:01 PM	#7
annie24 Online Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,820	my mom isn't a bad woman. she's just horribly neruotic when it comes to family. i'm very close with most of the rest of my family though. and i hate to say it, but part of me just want to be nice to her this weekend so she gives me the check. i'm sure that she would give me the check even if i were absolutely horrible to her. but i don't want to be mean to her. i was hoping that she would bring her husband. i don't consider him my stepdad. they married when i was 23. personally? i think he's a gold digger of sorts. but at least my mom is having fun with him, they go out to movies, concerts, travel together, etc..... she's in her 60s, and deserves some fun. i was hoping he would come too, because he often takes my side and kind of 'calms her down' and stops her from attacking me. but she doesn't want to bring him because my brother doesn't get along with him. sigh.