Best way to phrase a follow-up?

Bob3000 · 10-15-2008, 12:57 PM

A girl replied to a personal ad that I placed on the internet. She included her photo, told me a bit about herself and asked me a few questions. I responded with my photo, and told her a bit more about myself and asked her a few questions. She replied. I replied. She replied. I replied - and suggested we meet. Then... nothing.

Then I replied to a personal ad that another girl placed on the internet. I included my photo and told her a bit about myself. She replied and told me a bit more about herself and asked me a few questions. I replied and told her a bit more about myself and asked her a few questions - and asked if she could send her photo too. Then... nothing.

I'm a bit confused by this. Surely if a girl emails you once she's seen your photo and knows a bit about you, then she's potentially interested? I don't think I've suddenly said something outrageous (nor do I think you can really get to know someone by email). So why does the communication suddenly stop?

Actually, that's a rhetorical question. My real question is "what should you do about it?" Send a friendly follow up a week later (without mentioning that she didn't reply to your last email, and without reiterating the request for a meet/photo)? Ask if she got your last email? Something else...?

Thanks,

Bob

Scorpion Fury · 10-15-2008, 01:02 PM

I'd probably just send an email that says something like, "wanted to know if you feel like getting coffee (or whatever)tomorrow night?" if she ignores you again, NEXT

lumu · 10-15-2008, 01:05 PM

are you really interested in them and expressing this? Have you made a suggestion for a safe place like coffee that you can meet and made it clear that just chatting and getting to know more about her is you goal?

I know I think I found the one guy for me on the net and I was afraid to meet him that he might cut me up or something.

I had a friend wait for me to call and say that he was okay and honestly i was so smitten with him that I felt compelled to meet him. No matter what i had to do it.

Bob3000 · 10-15-2008, 01:50 PM

Yes, I'm really interested in them, and I think I'm expressing this. I mean, I haven't said "I'm interested in you" but I have been commenting on, and asking questions about, things that they've mentioned - such as their work and hobbies.

I hadn't got as far as suggesting a specific venue (or even day). And I hadn't explicitly specified a goal, but I think the tone and context made it clear that coffee wasn't a euphemism for sex...

Quote:

honestly i was so smitten with him that I felt compelled to meet him. No matter what i had to do it.

Wow. I'm amazed you could feel such a connection from an email. How did that work out?

shes2smart · 10-15-2008, 02:08 PM

Ah...meeting people online. I remember it well.

I met my husband online. On Yahoo Messenger. Once we chatted long enough to establish some commonality and a bit of a rapport, he did something that set him apart from the other guys I'd been chatting with.

He asked me out. Not just some vague "we should meet sometime....." or "would you like to meet..." Nope, it was a very definite, "I'd like to take you out to dinner...would next Wednesday work for you?"

I cannot tell you how many guys do that little fishing expedition, "we should meet sometime...." and I'd agree, and wait for a follow up and something more definite that never came...and guess what? I never went and met a single one of them.

If you're interested enough to want to move things forward, then move them forward. Suggest talking on the phone first if you want to wade in more slowly, let her pick somewhere she'd be comfortable meeting you, but if you're interested *do* something to demostrate it...not just type that you're interested.

Batya33 · 10-15-2008, 02:21 PM

Potential interest based on a profile and a few emails doesn't mean potential interest in meeting in person - at least to me. Also, consider that it's a lot like going to a party - you mingle with one person, maybe get a phone number, move on to others - just because you get a few phone numbers doesn't mean each one is actually interested in seeing you again - people change their minds, meet other people, etc.

lumu · 10-15-2008, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shes2smart

Ah...meeting people online. I remember it well.

I met my husband online. On Yahoo Messenger. Once we chatted long enough to establish some commonality and a bit of a rapport, he did something that set him apart from the other guys I'd been chatting with.

He asked me out. Not just some vague "we should meet sometime....." or "would you like to meet..." Nope, it was a very definite, "I'd like to take you out to dinner...would next Wednesday work for you?"

I cannot tell you how many guys do that little fishing expedition, "we should meet sometime...." and I'd agree, and wait for a follow up and something more definite that never came...and guess what? I never went and met a single one of them.

If you're interested enough to want to move things forward, then move them forward. Suggest talking on the phone first if you want to wade in more slowly, let her pick somewhere she'd be comfortable meeting you, but if you're interested *do* something to demostrate it...not just type that you're interested.

Yeah my current boyfriend said.. you have to let me take you to see the dark knight. Even though he'd seen it.

I really wanted to see it and it meant to me he wasn't blowing smoke and he actually had taste that were the same as mine

Ammy · 10-17-2008, 09:09 AM

When I was new to internet dating, those questions freaked me out - I knew the end goal was to meet, but I prolonged it months because of nervousness and unsureness.

Now, I realise that without photos and without meetings, it's worth nothing.. all the nice email conversations in the world do not equate to anything if there is no in person chemistry / connection.

Maybe they are not responding because they're nervous?

Another less likely reason may be they met someone else in the meantime - although from my knowledge most people are dating / meeting a few ppl at a time online (I'm usually only able to correspond with 1 at a time, but I know a lot of people keep their options open).

Another may be that they will get back to you eventually? That step is a big one and I sometimes still get a bit freaked and try and delay a little because of shyness / nervousness, but I eventually say yes.

I say give them another email, just say, hey how are you.. etc keep it casual and if still no response, forget it and move on to the next person!

Ammy

Bob3000 · 10-18-2008, 10:08 AM

Thanks for all the feedback.

I sent them both friendly emails and got one reply pretty quickly (the first girl, who I'd exchanged photos and more emails with). No real life date set up yet, so figure I'll correspond a bit more then try again. (I think this may take some time...)

I'm not sure I'll hear back from the other girl. I think circumstances suggest she may just have found someone she thought was a better match (foolish girl

).

Thanks again.

10-15-2008, 12:57 PM	#1
Bob3000 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 150	Best way to phrase a follow-up? A girl replied to a personal ad that I placed on the internet. She included her photo, told me a bit about herself and asked me a few questions. I responded with my photo, and told her a bit more about myself and asked her a few questions. She replied. I replied. She replied. I replied - and suggested we meet. Then... nothing. Then I replied to a personal ad that another girl placed on the internet. I included my photo and told her a bit about myself. She replied and told me a bit more about herself and asked me a few questions. I replied and told her a bit more about myself and asked her a few questions - and asked if she could send her photo too. Then... nothing. I'm a bit confused by this. Surely if a girl emails you once she's seen your photo and knows a bit about you, then she's potentially interested? I don't think I've suddenly said something outrageous (nor do I think you can really get to know someone by email). So why does the communication suddenly stop? Actually, that's a rhetorical question. My real question is "what should you do about it?" Send a friendly follow up a week later (without mentioning that she didn't reply to your last email, and without reiterating the request for a meet/photo)? Ask if she got your last email? Something else...? Thanks, Bob

10-15-2008, 01:02 PM	#2
Scorpion Fury Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: The states Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 4,525	I'd probably just send an email that says something like, "wanted to know if you feel like getting coffee (or whatever)tomorrow night?" if she ignores you again, NEXT __________________ Your attitude determines your altitude.

10-15-2008, 02:08 PM	#5
shes2smart Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: same world, different server Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 5,138	Ah...meeting people online. I remember it well. I met my husband online. On Yahoo Messenger. Once we chatted long enough to establish some commonality and a bit of a rapport, he did something that set him apart from the other guys I'd been chatting with. He asked me out. Not just some vague "we should meet sometime....." or "would you like to meet..." Nope, it was a very definite, "I'd like to take you out to dinner...would next Wednesday work for you?" I cannot tell you how many guys do that little fishing expedition, "we should meet sometime...." and I'd agree, and wait for a follow up and something more definite that never came...and guess what? I never went and met a single one of them. If you're interested enough to want to move things forward, then move them forward. Suggest talking on the phone first if you want to wade in more slowly, let her pick somewhere she'd be comfortable meeting you, but if you're interested do something to demostrate it...not just type that you're interested. __________________ "But there's no use crying over every mistake You just keep on trying til you run out of cake"

10-17-2008, 09:09 AM	#8
Ammy Offline Gold Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sydney, Australia Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,081	When I was new to internet dating, those questions freaked me out - I knew the end goal was to meet, but I prolonged it months because of nervousness and unsureness. Now, I realise that without photos and without meetings, it's worth nothing.. all the nice email conversations in the world do not equate to anything if there is no in person chemistry / connection. Maybe they are not responding because they're nervous? Another less likely reason may be they met someone else in the meantime - although from my knowledge most people are dating / meeting a few ppl at a time online (I'm usually only able to correspond with 1 at a time, but I know a lot of people keep their options open). Another may be that they will get back to you eventually? That step is a big one and I sometimes still get a bit freaked and try and delay a little because of shyness / nervousness, but I eventually say yes. I say give them another email, just say, hey how are you.. etc keep it casual and if still no response, forget it and move on to the next person! Ammy __________________ Prepare yourself to meet, the girl who cannot sleep, dividing every question till the questions are complete - She's always the analyst.

10-15-2008, 01:05 PM	#3
lumu Offline Silver Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 423	are you really interested in them and expressing this? Have you made a suggestion for a safe place like coffee that you can meet and made it clear that just chatting and getting to know more about her is you goal? I know I think I found the one guy for me on the net and I was afraid to meet him that he might cut me up or something. I had a friend wait for me to call and say that he was okay and honestly i was so smitten with him that I felt compelled to meet him. No matter what i had to do it.

10-15-2008, 02:21 PM	#6
Batya33 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 19,059	Potential interest based on a profile and a few emails doesn't mean potential interest in meeting in person - at least to me. Also, consider that it's a lot like going to a party - you mingle with one person, maybe get a phone number, move on to others - just because you get a few phone numbers doesn't mean each one is actually interested in seeing you again - people change their minds, meet other people, etc.

10-18-2008, 10:08 AM	#9
Bob3000 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 39 Posts: 150	Thanks for all the feedback. I sent them both friendly emails and got one reply pretty quickly (the first girl, who I'd exchanged photos and more emails with). No real life date set up yet, so figure I'll correspond a bit more then try again. (I think this may take some time...) I'm not sure I'll hear back from the other girl. I think circumstances suggest she may just have found someone she thought was a better match (foolish girl ). Thanks again.