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  1. #1
    Bronze Member MJ23's Avatar
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    How do you know if a relationship is worth continuing?

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year now. I love him so much and I know he really loves me too. However, there have been a few things I have wondered about. I am no where near ready to get married, but it is something that I definitely want to be someday. However, he has gone back and forth on this many times. Sometimes he says he thinks about marrying me and sometimes he says he never wants to get married. I have never brought up the subject of marriage, its always been him. Also, I really want to have kids someday, not anytime in the near future, but def. someday. Again, he says he thinks he never wants to have kids. However, when I told him I thought he'd be a good father he did seem to like that. That's not as big a deal as the marriage thing. I know its only been 1 year, and we are still in college, so there is no rush on my part. I don't even request his assurances of getting married. But when he says he's not sure if he EVER wants to get married without me even bringing it up, I get worried. Why stay in a relationship if nothing will ever come of it? I don't want to stay with someone for 10 years only to know marriage is never an option. Leaving him is not an option because we have a very good relationship and are both very much in love. But I guess I question myself: he's told me straight up he may never get married and doesn't want kids, so where is this going? And should I just enjoy the present and not worry about the future? When he goes back and forth I don't know, I always keep telling him not to worry about it and just enjoy our here and now. What do you all think?

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  3. #2

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    You two want two different things. He may be bringing it up to let you know so you can decide on being with him or not. I don't know hopefully he is not hinting a break up.

  4. #3
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
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    I'd give it some more time.
    I know my boyfriend's attitudes changed ALOT over the years we've been together, and that came with a strong stable long term relationship and him growing and maturing into a man who wasn't afraid of those things anymore.

    Thats not to say it will or will not happen with you, but I never thought about leaving him when he made comments along the lines of being afraid of the committment of marriage, not being able to give up his life and his selfishness to have kids, etc.

    Years later, we don't even have to discuss it anymore because its going to happen and we both feel the same way as our relationship grew, as he grew as a person, and as his life advanced.
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  5. #4

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    It is mostly a woman who has her hormones changing to either eagerly want a baby or not. Men, not so much. He is most likely either set on having kids or not.

  6. #5
    Bronze Member MJ23's Avatar
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    Well, I'm not sure if he knows for sure. Sometimes he'll just say "I'm going to marry you someday" and other times he'll just say "I don't know if I ever want to get married". I never bring it up when he says these things. It seems like he's not sure because he keeps going back and forth. Your comment really helped put it into perspective for me though, Asti.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    well, there's a difference between being against the institution of marriage, but still being committed. i know a couple who has been together for 23 years, they are in love, are definately devoted to each other, but aren't married. i'd find out if your bf wants to be with you, and just isn't sure he wants to be married, or if he isn't sure about you.

    in any case, maybe some more time might make things clear. sounds like he is pretty confused himself right now, and since you're not in a big rush, i may just wait and see what the next year with him brings...

    good luck
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  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by annie24 View Post
    well, there's a difference between being against the institution of marriage, but still being committed. i know a couple who has been together for 23 years, they are in love, are definitely devoted to each other, but aren't married. i'd find out if your bf wants to be with you, and just isn't sure he wants to be married, or if he isn't sure about you.
    I agree except that I think if you and your bf disagree about the institution of marriage (if you buy into it and he doesn't) it could cause a conflict. I think for something like the couple who was together for 23 years and counting to work out, both people have to agree that they are against the institution of marriage.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
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    Yeah, both me and my bf have been married before and found out it's not like they show you on t.v. We are both divorced and single. I don't want to get remarried and neither does he. He says that if he did, it would be to me and I've said the same to him. It kills your retirement money, that's the big thing.

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