Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 43
  1. #1
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    34
    Posts
    3,518
    Gender
    Male

    Dealing with people who always have to be right...how do you do it?

    I mean for this to apply to not just bf/gf relationships, but relationships with people as a whole.

    My girlfriend has this thing about having the last word in an argument. She just about always has to be right, on top of that. This morning I’m driving to work and she’s driving to her new job. Since I was born & raised in this city I know my way around. She calls me to ask what the best way is to get to where she’s going from where she is.

    There’s this circle that breaks off into 5 streets. You enter it and drive counter-clockwise in a circle, like in that national lampoon movie. Anyway, she’s approaching and asks what exit is X street? I say the second exitfrom when she enters the circle. She gets through and says “No, it was the first”. I tell her that the first street will take her to Y street and that X street is the SECOND exit. She says “Well the sign says X street” and acts like I have no idea what I’m talking about, and I tell her again that X street is the second, not the first again. She says “Fine, I guess they put the sign on the wrong street”. I check my map and sure enough, it was the second exit, not the first like she said. I didn’t point it out, I just let it be.

    How do I argue with someone like this when I know for a fact I’m right? Just leave it? Were I to continue and say that my map said I was right, I know she’d get angry. Were I to say "Well, maybe you just didn't see the first exit", she'd get angry and think I was telling her she didn't know what she was talking about.

    This is an example of an argument that I wish to know how to handle without feeling like I’m the idiot. It’s not just with her, but with other people - people I work with or deal with on whatever basis. How do you deal with these people? Do you swallow your pride and say “Whatever” or do you fight it out?

  2.  

  3. #2
    Member pivotal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    37
    Posts
    99
    Gender
    Male
    My encounters with that persona lead me to believe that there is an underlying dominant personality or insecurity.

    It seems the more incorrect they are proved to be, the more upset and commanding they become with you.

    As far as dealing with it, I generally don't foster relationships with people of that nature. If it is a forced business relationship limit the amount of contact.
    Sometimes I wish I didn't have an answer or a clue to anything.

  4. #3
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    UK
    Age
    24
    Posts
    11,720
    Gender
    Female
    I dont know. I think its easier just to let it go sometimes. I always think life is too short to get wound up over other people thinking their right. Just be like 'Ok sure we'll agree to disagree' Or something and then let it go.

  5. #4
    Platinum Member Karmageddon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,084
    Gender
    Female
    My ex husband was that way. It's an insecurity that is really really annoying. He was a pretty smart guy, but NO ONE knows everything. I have no problem being wrong, but I typically want to know what the right answer is. So if I felt the answer he gave me didn't jive I would consult the "oracle" & look it up on the internet. That really used to make him mad. There is nothing you can do most of the time. Even when proven wrong, they will just pout about it.
    "watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love... but rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along again"

  6. #5
    Platinum Member PixelPusher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    US
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,043
    Gender
    Male
    Huh... usually I would just back down and say "Well, I certainly thought it was the second exit but I could be wrong" and leave it at that. But I would seriously think about addressing this with her because I can't imagine being in a relationship where you have to back down 100% of the time because of their need to be right. My Xwife was similar to that...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    34
    Posts
    3,518
    Gender
    Male
    And I WANT to be able to just brush it off.

    A couple of weeks ago my gf was asking which post office was closer, X or Y. I said that I believed X was. So she looks it up on her phone and turns out I was wrong. She says "No, Y is closer". If I would've done the same thing back this morning it would've been a fight. I almost WANT to bring it up later and show her the map saying I was right about the circle the way she did to me with the post office to show her that it doesn't feel good, but I don't want a fight.

    Is there any trick people use to just forget these things and leave the argument without feeling bad?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Karmageddon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,084
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by Pickles79 View Post
    And I WANT to be able to just brush it off.

    A couple of weeks ago my gf was asking which post office was closer, X or Y. I said that I believed X was. So she looks it up on her phone and turns out I was wrong. She says "No, Y is closer". If I would've done the same thing back this morning it would've been a fight. I almost WANT to bring it up later and show her the map saying I was right about the circle the way she did to me with the post office to show her that it doesn't feel good, but I don't want a fight.

    Is there any trick people use to just forget these things and leave the argument without feeling bad?
    Well after a while, I used to just tell them to ask someone else...."since Im always wrong".....
    "watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love... but rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along again"

  9. #8
    Member Fitchik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Age
    43
    Posts
    72
    Pickles..I have the exact same delima. And honestly, it comes down to picking your battles.

    I don't and won't fight the little things anymore. It's just not productive.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    4,328
    I usually do not even attempt to argue with these types of people. I would rather say that I do not know, even if I do, just so that there is no argument.
    If it is a fact that can be easily checked, I will tell them where to go look it up and leave it at that. The only time I would even think of arguing is if I already have the source in front of me and I can show them that they are wrong.
    I have a friend who is like this all the time, so that is why I have developed these methods. He is a great guy, but extremely insecure about most things, so he needs to feel like he is right all the time. He was in therapy for a long time and he did get better, but will still, occasionally revert back to his old ways.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Seymore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Age
    34
    Posts
    3,518
    Gender
    Male
    These posts make sense. I like the "I COULD be wrong" idea. And yes, it is just small potatoes. I guess knowing deep down that I AM right is all I need, and I don't need to impose that on anyone else.

    But the "since I'm always wrong" I can see instigating a fight with just about anyone. I don't think I'm going to do that.

    But in the end, nobody can make me feel like I'm wrong, or anything for that matter. I make myself feel bad.

    Maybe next time we're driving through that area I'll tell her "this is where I thought you were that one morning, and there's the first exit - maybe I visualised your position wrong - where were you driving? You may be able to take an even easier route than this".

  •  

  • Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
    Related Articles & Books
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
    by Margarita Nahapetyan
    Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
     

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •  

    Expert Advice

    Online
    Call
    $3/minute
    Caring professional willing to listen and help whether you're having relationship issues with parents/children/or other loved ones. Contact me now!
    Online
    Chat
    $2.99/minute
    Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them!
    Online
    Call
    $1.75/minute
    25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Spanish/English. Licensed therapist, intervention specialist and counselor who helps couples and families live well and love better.
    Online
    Call
    $4.99/minute
    I will show you effective ways to have the best relationships! No matter what the nature of the relationship, I can help you be more effective in it, and get your needs met!
    Online
    Chat
    $2.99/minute
    Is your relationship going through a tough time? Need an objective point of view? Lets figure out how to make things work.