Breaking up with a narcissist

Supercop · 09-03-2008, 06:06 PM

I've broken up with a narcissist because he keeps repeatedly tell me he doesn't know if he can be faithful.
Well, okay, then. I've had enough. When I told him so, he walked away, but now he's back and hounding me with calls and texts. He says that since I'm being so strong this time, I must have someone waiting in the wings. I'm just sick of it.
When that tactic doesn't work, he lays on the guilt trip -- he can't eat or sleep or work, etc...

Any suggestions on how to get through this difficult time without losing my resolve?

Thank you so much

starlight40 · 09-03-2008, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supercop

I've broken up with a narcissist because he keeps repeatedly tell me he doesn't know if he can be faithful.
Well, okay, then. I've had enough. When I told him so, he walked away, but now he's back and hounding me with calls and texts. He says that since I'm being so strong this time, I must have someone waiting in the wings. I'm just sick of it.
When that tactic doesn't work, he lays on the guilt trip -- he can't eat or sleep or work, etc...

Any suggestions on how to get through this difficult time without losing my resolve?

Thank you so much

Ugh, ive just gotten away from one of these, their whole game plan is to make you feel guilty, dont allow it hon, heres a link, read the bottom part about detachment in particular, it helped me x

[Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Cognitive_Canine · 09-03-2008, 06:14 PM

tell him "you said you can't be faithful, why should I stay with someone who can't even promise me that?"

kuhl282000 · 09-03-2008, 06:47 PM

Being faithful is the number #1 thing in any relationship

starlight40 · 09-03-2008, 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kuhl282000

Being faithful is the number #1 thing in any relationship

I absolutely agree and if you dont have trust you really have nothing.

itsallgrand · 09-03-2008, 06:49 PM

Have you asked him to stop texting and calling?

If you have, and told him firmly already, and he's still doing it against your wishes, hell, I'd be blocking him at that point.

There's no reason for you to have to put up with that added stress of listening to him now. You've made your decision.

If you've made that clear enough and he keeps going, that gets to be harassment. And I'd treat it as such.

starlight40 · 09-03-2008, 06:50 PM

Super- i also had the 'you must have someone waiting in the wings' thing when i wouldnt take my ex back- all that is is him taking blame away from himself for being such a jerk and trying to make it your fault because youve got someone else, which is totally unfounded and untrue but nothings ever his fault, right?

Karmageddon · 09-03-2008, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Supercop

I've broken up with a narcissist because he keeps repeatedly tell me he doesn't know if he can be faithful.
Well, okay, then. I've had enough. When I told him so, he walked away, but now he's back and hounding me with calls and texts. He says that since I'm being so strong this time, I must have someone waiting in the wings. I'm just sick of it.
When that tactic doesn't work, he lays on the guilt trip -- he can't eat or sleep or work, etc...

Any suggestions on how to get through this difficult time without losing my resolve?

Thank you so much

Wow....Life is just sooooo HARD for him! WHAAAA WHAAAA WHAAAA

He just wants what he can't have right now. My ex-husband I found out was a serial cheater & when I left him....guess who was the bad guy??? Yeah, somehow it turned out to be me. Tried to turn all my friends against me b/c I took the "high road" and didn't discuss why I was leaving with them. So he took that opportunity to swoop in and feed them a bunch of garbage. It all backfired on them b/c the truth comes out & he showed his true colors in the end. These people are beyond toxic & master manipulators. Save yourself a lot of heartache and don't communicate anymore. I can only tell you from past experience, life with him will come back to bite you in the end.

**greensleeves** · 09-03-2008, 08:06 PM

I guess he's having a hard time accepting the he's not God's gift to women and that someone would actually dump him...poor baby

I think you should tell him you don't need to have someone waiting in the wings to realize that you deserve better and that it's none of his business anyway. You could also tell him that you have no interest in resuming anything with him now or ever and to stop contacting you immediately.

Mallam23 · 09-03-2008, 08:32 PM

Just remember that with a narcissist it is always about them and rarely if ever about you. When he calls and tells you that he can't sleep, can't eat, etc. Know that it is because he misses the attention that you use to give him and he doesn't miss you. Without that attention, he is probably feeling a lack of worth and probably can't stand the fact that there could be or will be someone better out there that you will find more interest in. He thinks he is the best and he is crumbling with just knowing that you think otherwise. So remember, it is likely that he doesn't miss the love that you guys shared together... he probably just misses the attention.

09-03-2008, 06:47 PM	#4
kuhl282000 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Orlando, Florida Gender: Male Posts: 1,390	Being faithful is the number #1 thing in any relationship __________________ Be grateful for what you had together, because the personal memories are sometimes all we are left with. Life goes on, and so will you.

09-03-2008, 06:49 PM	#6
itsallgrand Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: following my grace... Gender: None Specified Posts: 6,798	Have you asked him to stop texting and calling? If you have, and told him firmly already, and he's still doing it against your wishes, hell, I'd be blocking him at that point. There's no reason for you to have to put up with that added stress of listening to him now. You've made your decision. If you've made that clear enough and he keeps going, that gets to be harassment. And I'd treat it as such. __________________ "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Mal Pancoast

09-03-2008, 06:50 PM	#7
starlight40 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: England Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 1,200	Super- i also had the 'you must have someone waiting in the wings' thing when i wouldnt take my ex back- all that is is him taking blame away from himself for being such a jerk and trying to make it your fault because youve got someone else, which is totally unfounded and untrue but nothings ever his fault, right? __________________ "insecurity breeds insecurity" - Starlight40 "if couples in relationships never argue then someone is being walked over"- my mother, lol! A couple on tv that had been together for 50 years, they were asked "whats your secret to a lasting relationship?" their reply was "neither of us ever fell out of love at the same time..." Expectation is the route to all sadness

09-03-2008, 08:06 PM	#9
greensleeves Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Dec 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,942	I guess he's having a hard time accepting the he's not God's gift to women and that someone would actually dump him...poor baby I think you should tell him you don't need to have someone waiting in the wings to realize that you deserve better and that it's none of his business anyway. You could also tell him that you have no interest in resuming anything with him now or ever and to stop contacting you immediately. __________________ Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. Dalai Lama

09-03-2008, 06:06 PM	#1
Supercop Offline Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 30	Breaking up with a narcissist I've broken up with a narcissist because he keeps repeatedly tell me he doesn't know if he can be faithful. Well, okay, then. I've had enough. When I told him so, he walked away, but now he's back and hounding me with calls and texts. He says that since I'm being so strong this time, I must have someone waiting in the wings. I'm just sick of it. When that tactic doesn't work, he lays on the guilt trip -- he can't eat or sleep or work, etc... Any suggestions on how to get through this difficult time without losing my resolve? Thank you so much

09-03-2008, 06:14 PM	#3
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,353	tell him "you said you can't be faithful, why should I stay with someone who can't even promise me that?"

09-03-2008, 08:32 PM	#10
Mallam23 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Michigan Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 22	Just remember that with a narcissist it is always about them and rarely if ever about you. When he calls and tells you that he can't sleep, can't eat, etc. Know that it is because he misses the attention that you use to give him and he doesn't miss you. Without that attention, he is probably feeling a lack of worth and probably can't stand the fact that there could be or will be someone better out there that you will find more interest in. He thinks he is the best and he is crumbling with just knowing that you think otherwise. So remember, it is likely that he doesn't miss the love that you guys shared together... he probably just misses the attention.