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Thread: Signs she still cares?

  1. #1

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    Question Signs she still cares?

    Hello,

    This is my first time posting online about my relationship experience and thought I would get feedback/advice! I'm gonna try to keep this short and interesting! . I am 23 years old male . (some idea on maturity level here!)


    Broke up 4 months ago. Together 8 months. Loved her. Although I initiated it, she also wanted to break up. We had to because my parents would not agree on our relationship. We were on good terms as we thought we did the right thing.

    Weeks 1 - 4
    I started to date others immediately thinking that would help the healing. But never got in a relationship because I was clearly not over her. I thought I needed space and stopped dating. But we never talked for that month .

    Week 5
    I wanted some stuff from her, she returns them. It was akward as she started asking about all those people im dating. Apparently news travels. I told her nothing happened.

    She is single at this time.

    Arround this time, neighbors ask me to join their sports team. Apparenlty neighbors are her friends!

    Week 7
    She sends me a note "I am seeing someone. Hope all is well on your end" . The note was deliberately cruel. I was hurt, but more so on the fact that it was intentional. Then she posts all these pictures of them online. I did not understand (back then) why she would do that.

    Week 14
    We hanvt communicated in 2 months. I find out her best friend is mad at me. I could not understand why. Nothing made sense.

    Week 16
    I discovered through my neighbors that the reason her best friend was mad at me because I did not consider my ex's feelings after the break-up. It was interesting to me as I did not feel that I had done anything wrong to her at all. We have never spoken or been in touch!

    Week 17
    I take a trip with the neighbors and bunch of other people to California.

    Week 20 (today)
    I discover my ex is extremely hurt I took that trip. Apparently she always wanted to go to cali. She is also mad a me. Keep in mind I have not communicated/seen her in 2.5 months now.

    My explanation of her actions:
    All this time, i never knew she was upset unitl week 16. And only today (week 20) found out she is super mad. I decided to not contact her in week 16 because she was dating a guy all this time and did not want to be of any distraction to her. Besides, I was not 100% she was actually upset. I was also trying to move on. Now everything makes sense, she was mad at me for hanging out with her friends all this time and also dating the first month. This explains her jumping into a "relationship" so fast too and bragging about it. The irony, her friends were in touch with her all this time and never mentioned anything!

    Anyhow, I care so much about my ex that when I finally found out, I cut all ties with her friends and sent her an appology/explanation email (last week).

    However, the parents did come through few months back and I really wanted to get back with my ex but she was already with that other guy. I decided not to contact her as she seemed to have moved on, was happy, and thats all i ever wanted for her after all. However, it turns out she was "secretly upset" these past 4 monoths.

    The question:
    I am in a bad situation. Experience tells me that her actions are a sign she may not moved on completely and that she might have some feelings for me. The fact that after 4 months, she would still care about where I went, with who..etc makes me think that at least she has not completely forgotten about me as I once thought.


    I really want to get back with this girl given that I now have the green light from the parents . I care about her so much and the recent events just made me feel so guilty and emotional. I thought I would stop by this forum to get your feedback and help understand her state of mind before planning the "return strategy" . The only reason I am hesitant is that she is with someone, and I do not want to throw a wrench at her if she is happy.

    ps - she has not responded to my email. But a response was not expected anyway. But I know for fact she read it..(there was a link in the email to a song I had wrote long time ago and I know she clicked that link ).

  2. #2
    Gold Member Caterina's Avatar
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    Apr 2005
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    2,065
    I think that you're right in that there are some positive signs. Try and get back with her. If she rejects you, say goodbye for GOOD and don't look back.
    How do they do it, the ones who make love
    without love? These are the true religious,
    the purists, the pros, the ones who will not
    accept a false Messiah, love the
    priest instead of the God. -- Sharon Olds

  3. #3
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    yeah, she still cares. i am also fond of looking out for signs. if i don't get them, or they send me the wrong signals, i disregard the signs and i rely on my instincts instead.

    you said you've been together for 8 months. that's relatively long enough to know her personality in depth. what do you think? is she the type of girl who forgets and moves on easily? do her actions always reflect her real thoughts? what are the chances that she will leave the guy she's been with just to get back to you?

    when you get the chance to talk to her, tell her about the 'signs' you've mentioned and clarify if your interpretations are right. tell her you already have the blessings of your parents.

    now, you've done your part. just wait for her response. but don't wait forever. ^__^

    btw, you've told you're story in a very interesting manner. the post was quite long but it was reader-friendly (along with the subheads). that's cool! hope you enjoy it here!
    Absence does for love what the wind does for flame:
    it extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong...

  4. #4

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    Sep 2008
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    Thanks guys for the feedback. I know this much about her. Most of which I discovered during dating and some after.

    1)
    She keeps emotional things within her. Is not the type who will confront you ever about her feelings. You have to almost corner her to get her to talk about her emotions. However, when there is a non emotional issue, she will bring it up ASAP. ex: I didnt like your comment about my dress..etc..

    2)
    About moving on quickly, I honestly cannot answer that question. I thought she had moved on super fast after the break-up. But 4months later, I am seeing otherwise. Maybe she did really move on and the "signs" I am seeing are just mis-interpreted.

    3)
    Her words never reflect her real thoughts. But her actions do. Thats a problem for me as I have to always be in "decode" mode. Trying to decipher what she is really thinking. My best example was the day she returned some of my stuff. She clearly said "I want you to move on". I took it as ok, she is done with me. But then she starts looking around my apt, asks why I have ZYX in the fridge (when i dont drink XYZ), asking about if girlABC has been here..etc. I think its just her being confused..like we all get

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  6. #5
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    hmmm, sounds tough... i guess it would be better to just talk to her and ask for simple and honest answers. at this point, you should be past figuring each other out and giving indirect answers. concealing one's true feelings doesn't make sense.
    Absence does for love what the wind does for flame:
    it extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong...

  7. #6
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    ooops, i may have generalized. i mean, it doesn't make sense in your case. it only furthers the confusion, especially on your part, and it would be so unfair if you've been so sincere while she doesn't quit playing the mind games...

    good luck ^__^
    Absence does for love what the wind does for flame:
    it extinguishes the weak and feeds the strong...

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