Problems with my Father

[ATLstudent]

Growing up my father was a domineering authority figure, not in a good way though. He basically is a loner that got stuck with a wife and kids, he never talks, unless barking some orders or something I've done is messed up. So the only words i ever really hear from him are criticism, which he delivers in a very yelling condesending manor. He has always took it upon himself to tell me how stupid i am, and how lazy i am. I hate him right now. I have felt this way for years and have learned to bury or forget it through time. But moving back Im now 22 i felt that feeling again tonight after he told me i messed up doing something, its all he said all night. I Hate this man. I've noticed myself turning into him. AHHH! I have noticed my personality shift over the years into a major introvert with very few social skills. I used to be a charming guy. But I still can't stand up to him in this emotionally intense periods where when he is telling me to do something hes got a very aggressive pissed off look in his eye, like "dont stand up to me", its how he rules over me, like an owner with a dog, u get all big and lower your voice for them to obey. Well that im done with that. I know for my own well being i need to stand up to my dad. Because my lack of doing so is reflected in my life outside this hell of a house hold. Also it is the first time i felt that true fear and dominated feeling again so its a good memory refresher of just how under him i still feel in those situations, or at least the role i fall into again and again. I am trapped inside myself as a young boy still, I feel. Between my sexuality issues, my struggle in school, and heart break with girls, i have alot of things that started in my youth, that may be still very unresloved and screwing me over in my life today. I plan to overcome this fear and start looking my father in the eyes. Has anyone else experienced this from parents, I know y'all have, but as adults do u still obey them or feel intimidated by them when put back into those situations?

[Gratsy]

It never goes away for me. I think that when I get married and move far far away it will be better. Also if you're financially wealthy, that helps b/c they can't fight that independence and try to control you with the impending difficulties of your circumstances. The best you can do is move far away and limit contact.

[ATLstudent]

Seems i would running from my problems rather than dealing, I feel like me being back home, although at first seemed like a nightmare and a personal step back, could be a positive thing, because i am now someone trying to improve himself, and this is opportunity for me to re-work my relationships with my parents.

[NowandZen]

Believe in yourself. That's job one.

All through life, people will criticize you, some fairly, some not. I doubt you will ever learn to like it.

What you can do is to not let someone ELSE's vision of you become yours. Imagine if a random stranger criticized the way you cut the grass, say. Would you become emotionally immobilized, or would you just think he's a freak?

What's the difference in criticism from a perfect stranger and criticism from your father? It's in your MIND. Separate yourself from whatever paradigm you have of your father, imagine as though it was a stranger criticizing you. Know that YOU have control of YOUR emotions.

You cannot change the man. You cannot fix whatever demons made him what he is. What you can do is to not give HIM control of YOUR emotions. YOU control how you react. Your hatred of him is detrimental to YOU, not him.

YOU are your own man. YOU decide what is right and wrong with you. YOU can decide that any criticism is invalid, or overdone.

Easier said than done right? Of course, this is a long term pattern. But if you can do this now, imagine how easy it will be to prevent the actions of others, with whom you don't have such a long established pattern, from immobilizing you.

Namaste