What can I do to help my deaf son?

MonKeDS · 08-24-2008, 09:36 PM

My son is 28 years old. He has two degrees. He has an associate degree in photography that he got when he was 21 years old. Despite of winning photograph contest very often, have been asked to work with some big name photographers, and other things. But when he want to get paid, they will drop him like a hot potato. It took him a year and half to get a job that actually pay him. But they pay him less than what they offered when they were looking for employee. Plus they are always looking for new photographer and tend to cut his hours to test out new photographer but was never able to find any good enough for their needs. After about a year of this, he finally told them to pay him what they normally would pay a photographer and to show him more respect. They tried to claim they pay all photographers the same and that this was normal part of job. So he quit. It took him another five months to find another job. They started out with him as a full time but soon they make him work only couple hours a day and only when it come to very stingy customers who want the best pictures. Beside that, they just keep him around to do the job that they cannot get done.
My son finally end up get other job in retails as a cart collector. He was at his job for a bit more than six months. When I asked him why he’s not trying other studio, he break down and cried and say he cannot really get any job and that his boss would never give him any real raise or promote. So my father suggested my son to start his own studio. My son didn’t really want to do it at first but he end up decide to try it. So he moved back in with me and went back to school. He graduated with a business degree with a 3.7 GPA. He finally open his own studio but it ends up went under in less a year. For last three months he has been trying to find a management relate job or something along that line but was unable to.
I have always tried to support him and help him out with everything. But I cannot believe what happened in last couple weeks. He broke up with his girlfriend who is hearing. The reason wasn’t clear; at first he claim he cannot support anybody or make a living. He’s no longer trying to find a job, have sold so many of things he owns. A couple days ago his ex called me to tell me that my son have lost his mind and is trying to plan on go and see the world while living on his disability income and suicide if he get caught or lost the income. I confronted him about this, he says no one wants to do business with him because of his deafness and if he was to work for somebody, he’ll be their dog for his whole life. He say he rather to live a short good life than a long unhappy one then he go on and on about how I don’t understand what it is like to be discrimated nonstop and being deaf. We got in a big argument over this and he end up leave the house and didn’t come back for two days. Now he’s back but he’s not talking at all.

MonKeDS · 08-24-2008, 09:42 PM

By the way, no he isn’t any part of deaf community. In fact he doesn’t even get along with other deaf people in most case. He was at Gallaudet University for the deaf for a semester and got kicked out and ends up attending community college here. So being a part of deaf community or working with them is out of the question.

lost! · 08-24-2008, 09:45 PM

Finding jobs is hard, especially in the field of photography! I have a few photography jobs at which similar things happened to me. I don't think these things happened to him because he is deaf, but things that would unfortunately happen to anybody. People have bad jobs, people are discriminated against, broken up with ALL the time, maybe he needs to know this and that it's not because of his disability. My best advice would be to honestly try to help him stay positive, maybe go to a career counselor or something to weigh up job opportunities and stuff. It sounds like the employment issue is a big thing so maybe getting a new job where he isn't taken advantage of will make him happier and boost his confidence.

wtm78 · 08-24-2008, 09:50 PM

it is indeed a very hard time your family is going through right now.. especially your son..

i do no live in US, so i wouldnt be the best person giving a practical solution..

however i just want to say this, "before dawn breaks, there is still darkness"

before anything gets better, things always become worst.. it is a long valley for you son right now, but i am believing with you that things will get better.. dont quit... maybe learning from the experience of the first studio business, can help in the second... you will see the light...

AwdreeHpburn · 08-24-2008, 10:32 PM

Can I make a suggestion that may seem un-friendly but it is NOT meant to be.

Somethings just struck me as I was reading your post.

1st - What does being deaf have to do with getting a job or opening your own studio? I mean this respectfully so please just hear me out.

I have a company and it is very, very difficult. I don't think it would be any easier or harder because of whether or not I can hear. Its difficult for everybody!

2nd - "You said working with them" referring to others within the deaf community, "is out of the question." WHY?

Seems to me if you rule out a WHOLE community of people, and people well versed in the art of living a particular way, one would certainly limit themselves greatly!

I take it your son has no problem communicating since he was able to maintain a great gpa as well as graduate from college and work and have a girlfriend etc.

Since he's completely normal, I don't see why his deafness is a factor. I just see he's having a tough time right now as so very many recent graduates are who are trying to find their way in the world.

Having SAID that, MY advice is to just continue giving him the love, support and guidance you always have and he'll make his way eventually. Like the rest of us do....

least that's my take on it all

08-24-2008, 09:36 PM	#1
MonKeDS Offline Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2	What can I do to help my deaf son? My son is 28 years old. He has two degrees. He has an associate degree in photography that he got when he was 21 years old. Despite of winning photograph contest very often, have been asked to work with some big name photographers, and other things. But when he want to get paid, they will drop him like a hot potato. It took him a year and half to get a job that actually pay him. But they pay him less than what they offered when they were looking for employee. Plus they are always looking for new photographer and tend to cut his hours to test out new photographer but was never able to find any good enough for their needs. After about a year of this, he finally told them to pay him what they normally would pay a photographer and to show him more respect. They tried to claim they pay all photographers the same and that this was normal part of job. So he quit. It took him another five months to find another job. They started out with him as a full time but soon they make him work only couple hours a day and only when it come to very stingy customers who want the best pictures. Beside that, they just keep him around to do the job that they cannot get done. My son finally end up get other job in retails as a cart collector. He was at his job for a bit more than six months. When I asked him why he’s not trying other studio, he break down and cried and say he cannot really get any job and that his boss would never give him any real raise or promote. So my father suggested my son to start his own studio. My son didn’t really want to do it at first but he end up decide to try it. So he moved back in with me and went back to school. He graduated with a business degree with a 3.7 GPA. He finally open his own studio but it ends up went under in less a year. For last three months he has been trying to find a management relate job or something along that line but was unable to. I have always tried to support him and help him out with everything. But I cannot believe what happened in last couple weeks. He broke up with his girlfriend who is hearing. The reason wasn’t clear; at first he claim he cannot support anybody or make a living. He’s no longer trying to find a job, have sold so many of things he owns. A couple days ago his ex called me to tell me that my son have lost his mind and is trying to plan on go and see the world while living on his disability income and suicide if he get caught or lost the income. I confronted him about this, he says no one wants to do business with him because of his deafness and if he was to work for somebody, he’ll be their dog for his whole life. He say he rather to live a short good life than a long unhappy one then he go on and on about how I don’t understand what it is like to be discrimated nonstop and being deaf. We got in a big argument over this and he end up leave the house and didn’t come back for two days. Now he’s back but he’s not talking at all.

08-24-2008, 10:32 PM	#5
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	Can I make a suggestion that may seem un-friendly but it is NOT meant to be. Somethings just struck me as I was reading your post. 1st - What does being deaf have to do with getting a job or opening your own studio? I mean this respectfully so please just hear me out. I have a company and it is very, very difficult. I don't think it would be any easier or harder because of whether or not I can hear. Its difficult for everybody! 2nd - "You said working with them" referring to others within the deaf community, "is out of the question." WHY? Seems to me if you rule out a WHOLE community of people, and people well versed in the art of living a particular way, one would certainly limit themselves greatly! I take it your son has no problem communicating since he was able to maintain a great gpa as well as graduate from college and work and have a girlfriend etc. Since he's completely normal, I don't see why his deafness is a factor. I just see he's having a tough time right now as so very many recent graduates are who are trying to find their way in the world. Having SAID that, MY advice is to just continue giving him the love, support and guidance you always have and he'll make his way eventually. Like the rest of us do.... least that's my take on it all __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......

08-24-2008, 09:42 PM	#2
MonKeDS Offline Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 2	By the way, no he isn’t any part of deaf community. In fact he doesn’t even get along with other deaf people in most case. He was at Gallaudet University for the deaf for a semester and got kicked out and ends up attending community college here. So being a part of deaf community or working with them is out of the question.

08-24-2008, 09:45 PM	#3
lost! Offline Gold Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 1,076	Finding jobs is hard, especially in the field of photography! I have a few photography jobs at which similar things happened to me. I don't think these things happened to him because he is deaf, but things that would unfortunately happen to anybody. People have bad jobs, people are discriminated against, broken up with ALL the time, maybe he needs to know this and that it's not because of his disability. My best advice would be to honestly try to help him stay positive, maybe go to a career counselor or something to weigh up job opportunities and stuff. It sounds like the employment issue is a big thing so maybe getting a new job where he isn't taken advantage of will make him happier and boost his confidence.

08-24-2008, 09:50 PM	#4
wtm78 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Gender: Male Posts: 810	it is indeed a very hard time your family is going through right now.. especially your son.. i do no live in US, so i wouldnt be the best person giving a practical solution.. however i just want to say this, "before dawn breaks, there is still darkness" before anything gets better, things always become worst.. it is a long valley for you son right now, but i am believing with you that things will get better.. dont quit... maybe learning from the experience of the first studio business, can help in the second... you will see the light...