Two Boys, One Girl...and One Confused Heart!

BlondeAmbition · 08-19-2008, 08:50 PM

I need advice/input on my soap opera love life...

Trying to decide between my best guy friend, we've gone back and forth liking each other for YEARS (since 2001) vs. my recent ex who I loved with all my heart, and thought I would marry

My best guy friend and I met for the first time at a mutual friend's party, a month before college. Found out we were going to same small, private college (2,500 students). Attraction was quite strong, but I was still with high school sweetheart. HS sweetie dumped me December of freshman year for another girl, so my guy friend and I slowly started hanging out, dated two months, then he broke it off, noticing I was still grieving over my ex.
He fell in love and dated a girl junior and and first half of senior year...until she broke up with him (she was very religious, wanted to marry/kids right away, he didnt). He was devestated. We started hanging out again, attraction was strong. We'd talk for hours, stay up all night, cuddle, kiss, etc. I got the guts to tell him how I felt, but he said he didn't have the same desire to date me (was still getting over ex, mainly)
Then, I met a guy, dated for a year and a half. Finally felt I was over my ex guy friend. New guy was absolute sweetheart, so kind, loyal, with a heart of gold. Absolutely loved his friends and family. But we fought a lot over different things, had very different personality traits. Plus, I have anxiety/depression, too, which definitely wore on him. (I nagged/criticized/over-reacted a lot) He broke it off in May 2008 - bawling, but saying he no longer knew how to "fix us." My heart was completely broken...
Now...my old guy friend has re-entered the picture. He says after I started dating my recent ex, he realized he was a complete idiot for not pursuing things with me back in 2006. He says I'm "everything he's ever looked for" in a woman, that I was "right under his nose" but hadn't realized it/was too blinded by his ex (who was a snot, by the way).
It's so hard, because we can talk for hours, make each other laugh like crazy, shared passion for being creative, we're both musical. Our chemistry and connection is undeniably strong...everyone notices. But ...I miss all the stable, mature qualities in my ex. My guy friend is still really struggling, financially. I also worry we're TOO similar...we're both can be impatient, anxious, scatter-brained. It feels like the blind leading the blind sometimes. My ex was very calm and steady, very financially mature/wise. It felt comfortable. And his interest in engineering, fishing, outdoors...kept me intrigued, even if it was very different from my lifestyle.

Anyways...do I choose passionate love with my best guy friend whom I share loads in common with, even if it means risking being poor, unstable/uncertain, possibly driving each other mad with our similar personality vices? We're both complex people.

Or do I try/hope to reconcile with my ex...whose personality is very different from mine but is very stable, mature, financially secure, stable family, etc.

The Guys in a nutshell:
Guy #1 (The Best Friend)
Pros: Studio art major. Creative. Yet, athletic (baseball, pitcher in college). Funny as hell. Musical. Huge animal lover. Conflicted family life. Anxious, like me.
Cons: bad with finances (3,000 in credit card debt), college grad but works for 9.00/hour at airport, going back to school to be an art teacher (low salary), lives at home with parents to save money.

Guy # 2 (The Ex I Though I'd Marry)
Pros: Engineer (good money). Very impressive knowledge of science and history. Can fix just about ANYTHING! Recently became a homeowner. Extremely kind, generous, very close to his brother and parents - very stable, kind, and adorable family. Great cook. Laid back, which calms my anxiety.
Cons: Very different tastes in music, sense of humor often doesn't match mine. Very logical and technical, has difficulty relating to my creative/writing/musical side.

bobdylanROCKS · 08-20-2008, 09:56 PM

Personally, I'd pick the artist guy. (Actually, he sounds a lot like my guy friend, I just don't want to be with anyone right now. ) Anyway, the artist guy because of your connection and chemistry, because you sound like you can support each other and live simply. Sure, its nice to have money, but how much do you really need? And, you already broke up with the ex, give the best friend a try.

08-19-2008, 08:50 PM	#1
BlondeAmbition Offline Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: MN Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 38	Two Boys, One Girl...and One Confused Heart! I need advice/input on my soap opera love life... Trying to decide between my best guy friend, we've gone back and forth liking each other for YEARS (since 2001) vs. my recent ex who I loved with all my heart, and thought I would marry My best guy friend and I met for the first time at a mutual friend's party, a month before college. Found out we were going to same small, private college (2,500 students). Attraction was quite strong, but I was still with high school sweetheart. HS sweetie dumped me December of freshman year for another girl, so my guy friend and I slowly started hanging out, dated two months, then he broke it off, noticing I was still grieving over my ex. He fell in love and dated a girl junior and and first half of senior year...until she broke up with him (she was very religious, wanted to marry/kids right away, he didnt). He was devestated. We started hanging out again, attraction was strong. We'd talk for hours, stay up all night, cuddle, kiss, etc. I got the guts to tell him how I felt, but he said he didn't have the same desire to date me (was still getting over ex, mainly) Then, I met a guy, dated for a year and a half. Finally felt I was over my ex guy friend. New guy was absolute sweetheart, so kind, loyal, with a heart of gold. Absolutely loved his friends and family. But we fought a lot over different things, had very different personality traits. Plus, I have anxiety/depression, too, which definitely wore on him. (I nagged/criticized/over-reacted a lot) He broke it off in May 2008 - bawling, but saying he no longer knew how to "fix us." My heart was completely broken... Now...my old guy friend has re-entered the picture. He says after I started dating my recent ex, he realized he was a complete idiot for not pursuing things with me back in 2006. He says I'm "everything he's ever looked for" in a woman, that I was "right under his nose" but hadn't realized it/was too blinded by his ex (who was a snot, by the way). It's so hard, because we can talk for hours, make each other laugh like crazy, shared passion for being creative, we're both musical. Our chemistry and connection is undeniably strong...everyone notices. But ...I miss all the stable, mature qualities in my ex. My guy friend is still really struggling, financially. I also worry we're TOO similar...we're both can be impatient, anxious, scatter-brained. It feels like the blind leading the blind sometimes. My ex was very calm and steady, very financially mature/wise. It felt comfortable. And his interest in engineering, fishing, outdoors...kept me intrigued, even if it was very different from my lifestyle. Anyways...do I choose passionate love with my best guy friend whom I share loads in common with, even if it means risking being poor, unstable/uncertain, possibly driving each other mad with our similar personality vices? We're both complex people. Or do I try/hope to reconcile with my ex...whose personality is very different from mine but is very stable, mature, financially secure, stable family, etc. The Guys in a nutshell: Guy #1 (The Best Friend) Pros: Studio art major. Creative. Yet, athletic (baseball, pitcher in college). Funny as hell. Musical. Huge animal lover. Conflicted family life. Anxious, like me. Cons: bad with finances (3,000 in credit card debt), college grad but works for 9.00/hour at airport, going back to school to be an art teacher (low salary), lives at home with parents to save money. Guy # 2 (The Ex I Though I'd Marry) Pros: Engineer (good money). Very impressive knowledge of science and history. Can fix just about ANYTHING! Recently became a homeowner. Extremely kind, generous, very close to his brother and parents - very stable, kind, and adorable family. Great cook. Laid back, which calms my anxiety. Cons: Very different tastes in music, sense of humor often doesn't match mine. Very logical and technical, has difficulty relating to my creative/writing/musical side.

08-20-2008, 09:56 PM	#2
bobdylanROCKS Offline Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 18	Personally, I'd pick the artist guy. (Actually, he sounds a lot like my guy friend, I just don't want to be with anyone right now. ) Anyway, the artist guy because of your connection and chemistry, because you sound like you can support each other and live simply. Sure, its nice to have money, but how much do you really need? And, you already broke up with the ex, give the best friend a try.