am i naive?

radiotone · 08-18-2008, 02:01 PM

i came out of a 2 year relationship a couple of months ago. it affected my self esteem a lot and made me feel like i wasn't a good person at all. made me feel like i was boring and uninteresting. and it just kept getting worse and worse.. for awhile i've been so pessimistic, but i'm just getting tired of it. lately i've been so uninspired by women i've been meeting. it seems like all women are just shallow. but i know thats not true of course. i'd get so aggrevated whenever i wouldn't catch the attention of a girl. and then i'd viciously attack myself. thinking i'm not good looking, i'm boring, i'm not a good catch at all. everyone doesn't want to talk to me. and the thoughts just kept getting worse and worse.

but every now and then, i always get this hopeful thought. that there has to be at least someone that would be actually interested in me. that would find me interesting. and feel like they would take time to understand me and love me. and i just think that THAT person is out there somewhere.. waiting for me to cross her path. and i'm just thinking.. am i naive? is this just a stupid thought out of desperation? that would keep me balanced and not go insane analyzing everything?... i just feel so stupid thinking about that thought.

but do other people think that too? and do they actually meet that person?

i dont know if i believe in soul mates.. but true love i do believe in. only if you work hard at it. and if you truly love the person. i know i can't just be sitting here waiting for that someone to come into my life, thinking it'll all just happen to me. or try so hard to find that someone. but i believe there is that someone..

tina-rocks · 08-18-2008, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by radiotone

i came out of a 2 year relationship a couple of months ago. it affected my self esteem a lot and made me feel like i wasn't a good person at all. made me feel like i was boring and uninteresting. and it just kept getting worse and worse.. for awhile i've been so pessimistic, but i'm just getting tired of it. lately i've been so uninspired by women i've been meeting. it seems like all women are just shallow. but i know thats not true of course. i'd get so aggrevated whenever i wouldn't catch the attention of a girl. and then i'd viciously attack myself. thinking i'm not good looking, i'm boring, i'm not a good catch at all. everyone doesn't want to talk to me. and the thoughts just kept getting worse and worse.

but every now and then, i always get this hopeful thought. that there has to be at least someone that would be actually interested in me. that would find me interesting. and feel like they would take time to understand me and love me. and i just think that THAT person is out there somewhere.. waiting for me to cross her path. and i'm just thinking.. am i naive? is this just a stupid thought out of desperation? that would keep me balanced and not go insane analyzing everything?... i just feel so stupid thinking about that thought.

but do other people think that too? and do they actually meet that person?

i dont know if i believe in soul mates.. but true love i do believe in. only if you work hard at it. and if you truly love the person. i know i can't just be sitting here waiting for that someone to come into my life, thinking it'll all just happen to me. or try so hard to find that someone. but i believe there is that someone..

Hi,

This sounds like you are feeling depressed as the indications are clear in your post. Do you think it would do you some good to talk to your GP. Perhaps something to help you through this difficult period.

I know how hard this must be for you but your not alone. I've lost the person I loved most in life so I really feel you. Can't answer about moving on as too early for me.

After reading some of the other posts it seems people do move on and I'm sure in time you will as will I.

Tina x x

yankeefan74 · 08-18-2008, 03:27 PM

i think you're experiencing what most people go through when a long term relationship ends. Part of those feelings have to do with self-esteem. All of the things you are feeling are really quite normal.

you were with someone for two years. Somebody felt you were all the things you now are feeling you weren't for all that time. It's very difficult not to get down on yourself after a breakup, but i hope that it helps knowing you'll have many, many more chances to be with someone so long as you don't allow your hurt, depression, and self-esteem problems to linger.

Recognize that breakups are very hard for everyone, and it's okay to feel these things - but start telling yourself that you're not boring, you're not attractive, etc.

My relationship ended on July 1st, and i still feel some of these things you are feeling. My ex is a beautiful woman - i mean, physically, she's very attractive. i know that i had to be attractive myself to catch her eye, yet i still beat myself up occasionally about what i look like, or what kind of person i am. Again, it's natural.

But we can't let it start to define who we are. Eventually, you have to find ways to replace the negative thoughts with positive one's. Find things about yourself that you like. Find things about yourself other people like. Figure out what you may be able to change about yourself for your next relationship. Try to have fun without worrying about dating for a while. I don't think you'll really be interested in someone, nor they you, until you rebuild your confidence. I know this, because it's how i feel as well.

While i'm going through this, my ex is living it up with her new man. It's difficult, but millions of people have been through this. You get through, you get stronger, and you move on.

08-18-2008, 02:01 PM	#1
radiotone Offline Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Age: 23 Posts: 126	am i naive? i came out of a 2 year relationship a couple of months ago. it affected my self esteem a lot and made me feel like i wasn't a good person at all. made me feel like i was boring and uninteresting. and it just kept getting worse and worse.. for awhile i've been so pessimistic, but i'm just getting tired of it. lately i've been so uninspired by women i've been meeting. it seems like all women are just shallow. but i know thats not true of course. i'd get so aggrevated whenever i wouldn't catch the attention of a girl. and then i'd viciously attack myself. thinking i'm not good looking, i'm boring, i'm not a good catch at all. everyone doesn't want to talk to me. and the thoughts just kept getting worse and worse. but every now and then, i always get this hopeful thought. that there has to be at least someone that would be actually interested in me. that would find me interesting. and feel like they would take time to understand me and love me. and i just think that THAT person is out there somewhere.. waiting for me to cross her path. and i'm just thinking.. am i naive? is this just a stupid thought out of desperation? that would keep me balanced and not go insane analyzing everything?... i just feel so stupid thinking about that thought. but do other people think that too? and do they actually meet that person? i dont know if i believe in soul mates.. but true love i do believe in. only if you work hard at it. and if you truly love the person. i know i can't just be sitting here waiting for that someone to come into my life, thinking it'll all just happen to me. or try so hard to find that someone. but i believe there is that someone..

08-18-2008, 03:27 PM	#3
yankeefan74 Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Central New York Gender: Male Age: 35 Posts: 580	i think you're experiencing what most people go through when a long term relationship ends. Part of those feelings have to do with self-esteem. All of the things you are feeling are really quite normal. you were with someone for two years. Somebody felt you were all the things you now are feeling you weren't for all that time. It's very difficult not to get down on yourself after a breakup, but i hope that it helps knowing you'll have many, many more chances to be with someone so long as you don't allow your hurt, depression, and self-esteem problems to linger. Recognize that breakups are very hard for everyone, and it's okay to feel these things - but start telling yourself that you're not boring, you're not attractive, etc. My relationship ended on July 1st, and i still feel some of these things you are feeling. My ex is a beautiful woman - i mean, physically, she's very attractive. i know that i had to be attractive myself to catch her eye, yet i still beat myself up occasionally about what i look like, or what kind of person i am. Again, it's natural. But we can't let it start to define who we are. Eventually, you have to find ways to replace the negative thoughts with positive one's. Find things about yourself that you like. Find things about yourself other people like. Figure out what you may be able to change about yourself for your next relationship. Try to have fun without worrying about dating for a while. I don't think you'll really be interested in someone, nor they you, until you rebuild your confidence. I know this, because it's how i feel as well. While i'm going through this, my ex is living it up with her new man. It's difficult, but millions of people have been through this. You get through, you get stronger, and you move on.