a 26 years secret-my mother is an orphan

Teresa24 · 08-11-2008, 03:47 AM

I love my parents and my parents also love me very much,but since I left my hometown,I have been living alone for 8 years,I find it more and more difficult to get a balance point between my personal life,my career and filial piety.

Most of the time I dont want to hurt them or make them sad,but that makes myself frustrated.Now I am planning for a overseas study,I have my own plan about my life.My parents said they will support me but I can feel they cannot take it easy.

Last Friday,they suddenly told me a secret hidden for 26 years-my mother is an orphan.That means my grandma(my grandpa passed away 13 years ago),my uncles and aunts,my cousins...none of them is my blood relation.
Before, I expected all these relatives could take care of my parents while I am far away from hometown,at least accompany them.But now none of them would like to accept this.

My father has an awful relation with his family and they almost stop contacting.And I am the only child in my family.My parents have some friends,but they still take blood relation as the most important.
That's why my parents always tell me they only have me in this world.

I feel I am under huge pressure now.I feel I must give up my everything to accompany them all the time,to make them happy.But at the same time,I know it is very difficult for me to give up my dream.

I met one guy 3 years ago and he is from another country,my parents were against that strongly because they could not let me move to another country.They tell me no matter where I go in the future,they will follow me.We broke up last month,we also had some problems ourselves but I understand the main one of them is from my parents.

I know I have a problem that I could not get rid of some traditional ideas.Filial piety is important to me.My parents gave me life and gave me all their love,they had devoted themselves to me.I should also love them back,especially at a situation now,I am their only hope.If I leave them,they have nothing left.If I insist on pursuiting my dream, when they are old but I could not accompany them,could not love them,it will be too late to regret.

I am a kind of emotional person.To some people,maybe my problem is nothing,but this is my headache for long time.I always try to find a balance between my own life and parents' happiness but I failed.

Xetra Dax · 08-11-2008, 07:40 AM

A mommy bird, and a daddy bird, were happy together ,they got a baby bird who they loved very much. The baby bird became a teen bird, adult bird, and then mommy bird, and daddy bird said goodbye, and the adult bird flew into the sky.

That's how nature works, at one moment the bird needs to leave the nest. In your case your parents are holding you hostage into the nest.

My advice: Spread your wings and fly away, regardless of what your parents say. Why? Because sometimes loving someone means letting them go. And man your parents need to let you go. And you need to let go of the nest too, let go of those stupid traditions,start living your life.

Honestly i tell you this, if you keep sticking to the nest the misery will never stop, go now before its too late.

Teresa24 · 08-11-2008, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xetra Dax

A mommy bird, and a daddy bird, were happy together ,they got a baby bird who they loved very much. The baby bird became a teen bird, adult bird, and then mommy bird, and daddy bird said goodbye, and the adult bird flew into the sky.

That's how nature works, at one moment the bird needs to leave the nest. In your case your parents are holding you hostage into the nest.

My advice: Spread your wings and fly away, regardless of what your parents say. Why? Because sometimes loving someone means letting them go. And man your parents need to let you go. And you need to let go of the nest too, let go of those stupid traditions,start living your life.

Honestly i tell you this, if you keep sticking to the nest the misery will never stop, go now before its too late.

Thanks

Actually I am clear about what I should do,I have my own plan about my career,my personal development.

The problem is the conflict between my parents and I is inevitable.I tried to persuade them to care more about themselves or pay more attention on other things in their lives.But they cannot.

Now I am in my office,and I am 100% sure my parents are talking about me now at home.
Especially after they told me my mother's story,they take it for granted that they care about me 24 hrs everyday,and they asked me to understand them because I am so important to them.

I want to know whether other parents are also like this or there are something special with my parents.
Can I get a balance to make them happy as well as I can have my independent life?or that is impossible?

Anyone let me know how the NORMAL parents are?

08-11-2008, 03:47 AM	#1
Teresa24 Offline Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Gender: Female Age: 27 Posts: 39	a 26 years secret-my mother is an orphan I love my parents and my parents also love me very much,but since I left my hometown,I have been living alone for 8 years,I find it more and more difficult to get a balance point between my personal life,my career and filial piety. Most of the time I dont want to hurt them or make them sad,but that makes myself frustrated.Now I am planning for a overseas study,I have my own plan about my life.My parents said they will support me but I can feel they cannot take it easy. Last Friday,they suddenly told me a secret hidden for 26 years-my mother is an orphan.That means my grandma(my grandpa passed away 13 years ago),my uncles and aunts,my cousins...none of them is my blood relation. Before, I expected all these relatives could take care of my parents while I am far away from hometown,at least accompany them.But now none of them would like to accept this. My father has an awful relation with his family and they almost stop contacting.And I am the only child in my family.My parents have some friends,but they still take blood relation as the most important. That's why my parents always tell me they only have me in this world. I feel I am under huge pressure now.I feel I must give up my everything to accompany them all the time,to make them happy.But at the same time,I know it is very difficult for me to give up my dream. I met one guy 3 years ago and he is from another country,my parents were against that strongly because they could not let me move to another country.They tell me no matter where I go in the future,they will follow me.We broke up last month,we also had some problems ourselves but I understand the main one of them is from my parents. I know I have a problem that I could not get rid of some traditional ideas.Filial piety is important to me.My parents gave me life and gave me all their love,they had devoted themselves to me.I should also love them back,especially at a situation now,I am their only hope.If I leave them,they have nothing left.If I insist on pursuiting my dream, when they are old but I could not accompany them,could not love them,it will be too late to regret. I am a kind of emotional person.To some people,maybe my problem is nothing,but this is my headache for long time.I always try to find a balance between my own life and parents' happiness but I failed.

08-11-2008, 07:40 AM	#2
Xetra Dax Offline Gold Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 676	A mommy bird, and a daddy bird, were happy together ,they got a baby bird who they loved very much. The baby bird became a teen bird, adult bird, and then mommy bird, and daddy bird said goodbye, and the adult bird flew into the sky. That's how nature works, at one moment the bird needs to leave the nest. In your case your parents are holding you hostage into the nest. My advice: Spread your wings and fly away, regardless of what your parents say. Why? Because sometimes loving someone means letting them go. And man your parents need to let you go. And you need to let go of the nest too, let go of those stupid traditions,start living your life. Honestly i tell you this, if you keep sticking to the nest the misery will never stop, go now before its too late.