How can I help her?

redrose85 · 08-10-2008, 12:27 PM

My older sister is a good person, and chose to focus on school and getting a career started as an RN. Unfortunately, she focussed a little too much, and now she has no social skills. She's really unhappy these days with living in a big city and being unable to meet anyone. I saw how that would be possible, as when I was there, the streets were full of couples and groups of friends, and no one even looks your way. She has met people from work, but they like to go out clubbing and drinking and she refuses to sell out and do things that she really does not enjoy.

She feels as though if she would only meet a nice guy and develop a relationship, that her life would be fuller, and that she would be happier. I know that's not how it works, but it would help. She's 25 and hasn't had a real adult relationship yet. She had a couple of middle-school/high school relationships, and that's it. I know what the problem is that is blocking her from meeting anyone worthwhile... it's her attitude. Everytime I think about explaining that to her, I chicken out. Over the years, she has developed this negative attitude and she's stubborn as a mule. Even as her little sister who loves her dearly, I'm finding it hard to be patient with her. Should I just tell her that her attitude sucks and that it's not going to get her anywhere? How can I tell her this nicely? She seems so depressed lately, and I feel so bad for her, because she deserves to be happy.

Supa_gurl · 08-10-2008, 12:33 PM

My younger sister is the same way. She had a high school relationship with one guy and THATS IT! She is about to turn 21 and she feels she will never find anyone and she is always so depressed. I try to tell her she is holding out for "mr. Perfect" but he doesn't exist so she should just enjoy life as it is now and date someone, anyone! But just like your sister mine is stubborn as a mule. I don't know how we will be able to get through to them, but let me know if you find the magically cure and I will do the same for you.

Crazyaboutdogs · 08-10-2008, 12:41 PM

I know lots of people who chose to date someone, anyone...and they are no better off than the person who chose to have standards. Leave your sister alone and let her conduct her life as she sees fit...there is more to life than having boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. That doesn't make a person an adult. I have seen lots of people who changed partners like underwear and took anyone who came along just to say they had a boyfriend or girlfriend and some of these people are complete messes. Your sister is unhappy because she is lonely...she would probably be miserable grabbing anything that moves just to have "an adult" relationship. She will find someone when the time is right...and she won't have to go clubbing to find it. There is nothing stubborn about having standards. Save the pity fest for the ones who get themselves knocked up or with an STD because they can't live without a man.

redrose85 · 08-10-2008, 12:44 PM

Whoa. Chill. You clearly read my post differently than how I intended it. I applaud her for having standard, and for sticking to her guns. She's brave and tough for not selling out. She has actually asked me for help about this before. She said that when no one is around, she gets really depressed and lonely, and it just killed me inside to hear that. I can relate to that, because I went through a long stretch of something similar, and I know how badly it can hurt. She's made it clear that she doesn't want a room-mate.

thejigsup · 08-10-2008, 04:07 PM

Careers are better than relationships. Tell her she will meet someone when the time is right. Maybe someone like herself who invested all of their time in their career. They will be the couple who has the big house on the hill, great cars, beautiful children, and love on top of that! Such a deal for a little waiting.

redrose85 · 08-10-2008, 07:51 PM

I feel the same way- that she will meet someone great, and they'll have a fabulous life. In the here and now though, she is starting to talk like it's not going to happen for her, and it makes me worry about her.

08-10-2008, 12:27 PM	#1
redrose85 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,362	How can I help her? My older sister is a good person, and chose to focus on school and getting a career started as an RN. Unfortunately, she focussed a little too much, and now she has no social skills. She's really unhappy these days with living in a big city and being unable to meet anyone. I saw how that would be possible, as when I was there, the streets were full of couples and groups of friends, and no one even looks your way. She has met people from work, but they like to go out clubbing and drinking and she refuses to sell out and do things that she really does not enjoy. She feels as though if she would only meet a nice guy and develop a relationship, that her life would be fuller, and that she would be happier. I know that's not how it works, but it would help. She's 25 and hasn't had a real adult relationship yet. She had a couple of middle-school/high school relationships, and that's it. I know what the problem is that is blocking her from meeting anyone worthwhile... it's her attitude. Everytime I think about explaining that to her, I chicken out. Over the years, she has developed this negative attitude and she's stubborn as a mule. Even as her little sister who loves her dearly, I'm finding it hard to be patient with her. Should I just tell her that her attitude sucks and that it's not going to get her anywhere? How can I tell her this nicely? She seems so depressed lately, and I feel so bad for her, because she deserves to be happy.

08-10-2008, 12:33 PM	#2
Supa_gurl Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Wasting away in San An-tone Gender: Female Age: 33 Posts: 1,496	My younger sister is the same way. She had a high school relationship with one guy and THATS IT! She is about to turn 21 and she feels she will never find anyone and she is always so depressed. I try to tell her she is holding out for "mr. Perfect" but he doesn't exist so she should just enjoy life as it is now and date someone, anyone! But just like your sister mine is stubborn as a mule. I don't know how we will be able to get through to them, but let me know if you find the magically cure and I will do the same for you.

08-10-2008, 12:41 PM	#3
Crazyaboutdogs Offline Platinum Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 15,625	I know lots of people who chose to date someone, anyone...and they are no better off than the person who chose to have standards. Leave your sister alone and let her conduct her life as she sees fit...there is more to life than having boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. That doesn't make a person an adult. I have seen lots of people who changed partners like underwear and took anyone who came along just to say they had a boyfriend or girlfriend and some of these people are complete messes. Your sister is unhappy because she is lonely...she would probably be miserable grabbing anything that moves just to have "an adult" relationship. She will find someone when the time is right...and she won't have to go clubbing to find it. There is nothing stubborn about having standards. Save the pity fest for the ones who get themselves knocked up or with an STD because they can't live without a man.

08-10-2008, 12:44 PM	#4
redrose85 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,362	Whoa. Chill. You clearly read my post differently than how I intended it. I applaud her for having standard, and for sticking to her guns. She's brave and tough for not selling out. She has actually asked me for help about this before. She said that when no one is around, she gets really depressed and lonely, and it just killed me inside to hear that. I can relate to that, because I went through a long stretch of something similar, and I know how badly it can hurt. She's made it clear that she doesn't want a room-mate.

08-10-2008, 04:07 PM	#5
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,127	Careers are better than relationships. Tell her she will meet someone when the time is right. Maybe someone like herself who invested all of their time in their career. They will be the couple who has the big house on the hill, great cars, beautiful children, and love on top of that! Such a deal for a little waiting.

08-10-2008, 07:51 PM	#6
redrose85 Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,362	I feel the same way- that she will meet someone great, and they'll have a fabulous life. In the here and now though, she is starting to talk like it's not going to happen for her, and it makes me worry about her.