Well its finally coming to an end..We had "the talk"

[imsoalive]

**THIS IS A LOOONG POST** for the "story", check this post http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showt...43#post2572343

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Sigh..well we finally had the talk..and it ended just like I thought it would..w/o arguing..

To start I went to the gyn to work out since I hadn't been in a while, and I get a text from her..I have an iphone and when you're in ipod mode it interrupts the music with a chime.

Well the text says, "We need to talk sometime within the next week, thx." So just like that my desire to work out, is replaced w/ fear, nervousness, and anger..anger because a)the text read so "businesslike" and formal, and b)she ***** up my work out..

I call, and ask her what it's about, etc..and tell her that I;d rather talk tonight, because I'll be unfocused and worried until we do..

The whole ride over there I was scared, nervous..NEVER felt this way with her...I get to her door, take a deep breath, knock, and I go in. 1st thing I always do is see how my little boy is doing and he was waiting on me to tuck him in..

She begins by asking me how I've been doing(to soften the blow, I guess), I tell her, and she begins..

She tells me how she's been feeling the past yr, me vice versa...tells me she is happy now and thinking about our problems makes her the opposite..Mind you I've been begging her to go to counseling for the past 2-3 yrs and she's refused, made excuses, etc..Anyways, we go back and forth, not fighting, just discussing what has happened and how we both feel. She still sees me as the person I was before, even though I dont see her that way, and Ive changed. She feels she doesnt want to deal w/ our "stuff" and she wants to just live her new life the way it is..Of course she was crying and all that, but I went from hurt to angry to hurt again..

At that point I felt abandoned, all alone..Like I was willing to do ANYTHING to at least TRY to work something out, but she didnt want it..It felt like she strung me along this past year making it seem like we might just TRY..That's all I ever wanted was a chance to try..Now what do I do with all the baggage she "left" w/ me..the love..thats all I could think of

After that..I had no words..all I could do was go and sit in my sons room, and cry to myself..kissed him and told him, "I'm Sorry, and I'll always be there for you"..that's all I could manage to say..

I came back to the couch, and she kept saying she was sorry and she didnt know what to say..I didn't either, and I was to scatter-brained to muster up something myself....gave her a kiss on the cheek, and told her I'd call tomorrow, and I left.

The only thing I can really do now is write..I've had this song I'm working on, "Let it go" for the past year..and it seemed liek the closer I got to this moment, the more clear it became to me..So that's my focus right now..doing my music..this ought to be interesting...

[Ten Ocho]

Sorry bro, I went through the almost exact same thing, minus the child. Same as me, I wanted to see counseling, she didn't. The burden was on me to fix things. One man teams don't do too well :/

Anyways, a buddy told me the other day, great advice if it hasn't sunk in yet. It's not about what you didn't do or did wrong anymore. It's about the good you did do, and her lack of appreciating it.

Hope that helps a bit. Stay strong bro.

[Jetta]

So sorry it didn't work out.

[lostandhurt]

I am so sorry. To have to wait and hope for so long and not even get a chance to make it better sucks. Mine only took about a month to decide to throw away 20yrs together.....imagine that. When I got the word that night I felt a kind of relief that I finally knew what was going to happen in my life instead of the constant wondering. I was dazed a few days but felt better until Mr. Reality hit me in the face on day and really took me down a dark path. I wish you the best in the upcoming months as you start to take apart a life you thought would last forever and divide it up. My son, without him knowing it, was my saving grace as I have had him all to myself for months now. Give your son a big hug for me. I'm sure your song will be beautiful.

lost

[imsoalive]

Originally Posted by lostandhurt

I am so sorry. To have to wait and hope for so long and not even get a chance to make it better sucks. Mine only took about a month to decide to throw away 20yrs together.....imagine that. When I got the word that night I felt a kind of relief that I finally knew what was going to happen in my life instead of the constant wondering. I was dazed a few days but felt better until Mr. Reality hit me in the face on day and really took me down a dark path. I wish you the best in the upcoming months as you start to take apart a life you thought would last forever and divide it up. My son, without him knowing it, was my saving grace as I have had him all to myself for months now. Give your son a big hug for me. I'm sure your song will be beautiful.

lost

Man, my feelings 100%..Minus the 20 yrs(which Im kinda glad we didnt drag on)..Yeah I get a few minutes of depression, aner..wondering what it would e like to have worked on it, etc..But then I get better knowing that my life is ahead of me, and that I'm only 29...My stepfather told me something that stuck w/ me..God hasnt stopped making pretty women..ones that are gonna be there for you no matter what..And I believe him..

Thing is, I get hit on, or get attention from women, but I've always had "her" on a pedastal and/or tried to compare apples to oranges...Now Im seeing, she moved on a long time ago, and there was nothing i could've done..

[imsoalive]

Im actually one to not hold on to rudges, ill feelings, etc..One thing I did though was make a playlist in iTunes and my iPhone called "The get over that ***** mix"

Makes me feel better..I'll post the playlist in another post..

Other things that are helping me get past this(daily anyway) are these..

Daughtry - Over you - [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

And this clip from a play someone sent me(Madea, I think) - [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

Hope this helps someone..

[MarineDude85]

Those two videos really helped me in my situation. My wife just dropped the bomb to me last week that she wanted a divorce.

I'm grasping for something to help me through this and those videos offered at least a moment of clarity.

[AtMyWitsEnd]

My husband dropped the "D" word on me this morning. We've been through a lot of stuff and last year I separated from him and filed for divorce. But he wanted us to get back together and as soon as I left I knew it was a mistake. Anyway, he waits for my lease to be up, tells me to move back in with him, then two months later, he's like, "I want a divorce." I wanted to go to counseling--he didn't. We went to one appointment. Our next one is scheduled for three days from the day of this post and there's no point in going, now. I don't know why he isn't willing to put forth the effort and wants to throw away 7 years together. I am only 29 this August, but I feel like I have lived a lifetime. The best part? He tells me he wants a divorce less than 48 hours after I found out I have two lesions on my BRAIN. The doctor found a tumor in my head last year, benign, and was doing a 2nd MRI to check to see if the tumor had grown. The tumor hadn't, but now I have two lesions on my brain I didn't have last year. The doctor said that if I have more of those in a year, I likely have MS. And less than two days after getting this news, he tells me he "fell out of love with me" last fall. He's just too lazy to put forth any effort.
I, too, have thrown myself into writing, though not music.
I feel miserable. I feel abandoned and alone. But I will get through this.
I can commiserate with you all.

[imsoalive]

Originally Posted by AtMyWitsEnd

My husband dropped the "D" word on me this morning. We've been through a lot of stuff and last year I separated from him and filed for divorce. But he wanted us to get back together and as soon as I left I knew it was a mistake. Anyway, he waits for my lease to be up, tells me to move back in with him, then two months later, he's like, "I want a divorce." I wanted to go to counseling--he didn't. We went to one appointment. Our next one is scheduled for three days from the day of this post and there's no point in going, now. I don't know why he isn't willing to put forth the effort and wants to throw away 7 years together. I am only 29 this August, but I feel like I have lived a lifetime. The best part? He tells me he wants a divorce less than 48 hours after I found out I have two lesions on my BRAIN. The doctor found a tumor in my head last year, benign, and was doing a 2nd MRI to check to see if the tumor had grown. The tumor hadn't, but now I have two lesions on my brain I didn't have last year. The doctor said that if I have more of those in a year, I likely have MS. And less than two days after getting this news, he tells me he "fell out of love with me" last fall. He's just too lazy to put forth any effort.
I, too, have thrown myself into writing, though not music.
I feel miserable. I feel abandoned and alone. But I will get through this.
I can commiserate with you all.

Well hey WE ARE ALL here for you, just know that..And you're a fellow Texan so if you need a friend, lemme know..well unless you're a COWBOYS fan, then I dunno..lol..j/k

I'm actually on my way to church, so I'll say a prayer for us all..

[John Bendix]

AtMyWitsEnd,

I have some of your post and I am sorry that you are going through this.

Much advice from here cemters around taking care of yourself. It seems that you will have concentrate on that for medical reasons along with the emotional ups and downs.

We have all been through trying to make sense in a seemingly irrational state of affairs. If you can get him to counsiling, it might help. Not just in relationships ways but for both of you to see what has caused the breakdown in communication and connection with one another.

I would see thatthe counselor was not pro-happiness in an individual sense. One that tries to get you both to see how your emotional reactions to certain triggers can cause alot of harm.

Hang in there.