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It takes me FOREVER to cum during sex. Sometimes I don't at all.


Blayzn

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I don't know what the problem is. It feels good, and I love it. But, most of the time it'll take over an hour. She gets bored with sex after about 45 minutes or so, so I feel bad. We both really enjoy it up to that point, then it just gets agrivating. It may be because I have low energy, and it doesn't take much for me to get tired. I don't know. I don't know if it's because I always have stuff on my mind. Alot of times, it ends up with masturbation. I don't seem to have a problem getting off that way. Anybody else had this problem? If so, what did you do?

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I'm 27 years old. We started having sex last December. We knew each other since November. I've always kind of had this problem. When I first lost my virginity, it took me about 2 and a half hours to get off. There's also been girls that it didn't take me very long at all with. I think it may be some kind of mental thing, but I really don't know what it could be.

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I have read about this problem in an agony aunt page in a women's mag - I think it is something to do with being too used to getting off by masturbation to the point where that is the only way you can come. Maybe if you laid off the handjobs in between the sex you would find it a bit easier? I'm sure there will be something about this on the net if you search... you're certainly not the first with this problem!

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I can understand her frustration---after awhile, it hurts! It's probably not that she's bored after 45 min, but that she's dry and too stretched.

 

Try a lubricant. Also try a hand job or blow job before and during sex, to help speed things along. Try not to cum from those, just try to provide extra stimulation.

 

It sounds like you're always been a "marathon man", and it doesn't sound age or medication related.

 

Maybe it is mental. There I can't help you, except to say just relax and try to enjoy yourself and try other types of stimulation.

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I don't know if you need it, but I am obligated to give the standard advice of masterbating less and looking at porn less, especially when you anticipate that you are going to be together. I apologise in advance, if I offend.

 

I sometimes have a similiar problem and notice that one thing that can happen is that I concentrate so hard on not coming too soon, that it makes hard to come when I or we are ready. Try a couple times where you talk about that you are going to come as soon as you are ready.

 

I notice also that if I am too tired or have eaten or drank too much, that can make me take much longer as well. Try doing it in the day after a light workout. Some of the best sex occurs after a workout.

 

Try switching postions, we switch to doggy and I don't last more than five minutes after that.

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About the masturbation thing, for the longest time while was sexually active, I wouldn't masturbate at all. Unless we did it together. We did break up, and didn't have sex for awhile, so I was masturbating quite frequently then. We are not "trying to work things out" I think. lol So, we've been having sex again, and I haven't been masturbating near as much.

 

We also have foreplay before sex. We don't do it for a long time, but we do it. She'll go down on me, give me handjobs and stuff like that.

 

Maybe it's also because we don't do anything much different from the norm. She has a child, so it's hard to try new places. Maybe there needs to be more excitement in it? I don't know. I still really enjoy what we do. I don't really know what all else to do since most of my partners before wasn't very experimental.

 

I'm sure my lack of energy doesn't help either. I get tired so fast! And I know it's not normal. Last night, after 5 minutes, I was already getting tired, and sweaty.

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Thanks for the advise. I don't take offense at all. I do watch porn (she does also). But, I didn't do it much while we was officially together and had sex frequently. Sometimes we would watch it together though.

 

I also concentrate on cumming. I don't concentrate on not cumming too fast, I concentrate on trying to make myself cum because I don't want to last too long.

 

I do need to get more exercise. I think that would help with my energy levels, which would help with all kinds of things. I rarely ever workout.

 

We do switch positions alot. Maybe we need to learn some new ones, because we usually do the same ones. Though, some positions help get me off more than others

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I'm sure my lack of energy doesn't help either. I get tired so fast! And I know it's not normal. Last night, after 5 minutes, I was already getting tired, and sweaty.

 

Try working on your/Y'alls fitness. My gf and I joke (but are half serious too) that there needs to be a workout class for better sex.

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I've wanted to work on my fitness for awhile. There's just a couple problems with that. For one, I can't afford to eat properly. And for another, I don't know what kind of cardio I could do. I can't really go out running (I don't feel comfortable atleast). I'm visually impaired, and I don't trust myself to go out running in fear of running into things. She does have some workout DVD's though that we have talked about using. So, maybe if things work out with us, we can start doing them. I also see a counseller every week to work out some childhood issues that still affect me today. He's knows about alot of programs to help out with different things. I may ask him about food assistance. I get food stamps every month, but it's not enough. I've lost about 20 lbs in probably the past month. Weight that I really can't afford to lose since I was already pretty small.

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Do any of you guys have any suggestions on how to make it more exciting? Any resources? We have done some things. Watched porn together, and used toys, which was both were really good experiences. I just don't know what else we could do.

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Find a babysitter and do it on the stairs!

 

Every looked into light bondage? Ice cubes? Ive also seen products (for men and women) that have that cold, numbing effect -like after brushing with mint toothpaste, if that makes sense.

 

It sounds like you've done a lot of things already, and you just need to exercise more, relax, and find a babysitter if her child is a worry.

 

Good luck!

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my boyfriend has this same problem. and its not that shes not into it anymore its just that for girls it just plain hurts if you go for too long.

 

you said some positions made it better for you, may i ask which ones?

 

Also, as a girlfriend, would it be weird to ask your bf not to masterbate? Maybe that would help him, but we've only been dating a little over a month... so how do I approach that? Or should I not?

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  • 1 year later...

my bf has the same issue. You are not alone with this one. He came inside of me once in a year's time. I always wish he would come when we have intercourse but basically I just try to accept it. Sometimes he gets real close but then no climax. He usually gets tired after about 30 minutes or so. We've discussed the issue and he says he still enjoys sex very much. I think in his case its psychological.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think it's a combination of mental and physical impairments. To start, you're thinking about it way too much. Chill out, breathe right, and don't concentrate on anything but pleasing her. ESPECIALLY don't concentrate on cumming. One time, my girlfriend and I were having sex when we were supposed to be out of the door in fifteen minutes. I finally came, but it was mostly unsatisfying and a bit painful, all because I was so focused on finishing up in time. The next time we did it, though, I was fine, all because I didn't concentrate so much on it and was more fluid with my motions and thought process.

 

As for the physical side, if you're still too nervous or shy to go outside to do your cardio or what have you, look in to doing burpees. I've been doing them for a while now and they were great. Also known as the prison workout, it's a full-body workout you can do with nothing but floorspace. No weights, no special diets, no medicine balls, nothing. Go online and find out as much as you can about it.

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Male, here. Same situation as you. Partners love it. Me, not so much. Ninety-nine percent of the time I start knowing there's nothing much ahead for me. I'm just a tool (so to speak). I make smiles; that's the reward.

 

That aside, several people have mentioned reasons that could be valid. 1) Masturbation has made you dependent upon yourself. This is common in relationships after experiencing solitude. We know how to stimulate ourselves efficiently and with satisfaction. If you're used to your hand, but are relying upon her to replicate your personal technique, there's a mental roadblock, which you'll have to overcome. It's a matter of sensory awareness to alleviate the situation. 2) Viewing of porn can hinder performance. It's like using your hand. Porn is a crutch, an enabler. Likewise, consistent viewing of pornography can dilute the arousal caused by standard sexual practices. One is pushed to greater extremes (i.e. fetishes) to increase interest and stimulation. 3) Retarded ejaculation is a medical condition which is just what it sounds like, you can achieve orgasm quickly--it's delayed. It is a physical and psychological condition. Some help can be achieved with a sexual theraprist or couselor. It takes some cojones to admit it to a stranger, but once done, they can give you suggestions to increase your stimulation and achieving a proverbial happy ending.

 

I feel for ya, guy. I can literally go for hours and over consecutive days without reaching orgasm while with someone. But four minutes alone and I'm good and ready for a nap.

 

Best of luck, mate.

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