How do you learn not to worry?

i_love_chocolate · 07-16-2008, 05:35 PM

I have a very serious problem with worrying. I worry WAY too much about everything in my life. I always overly worry about something, and then it turns out that it wasn't worth worrying about. I would always feel like something is not going to work out or will be a big problem, but then it turns out totally the opposite and I say to myself "oh my God why did I worry then?".

I notice that some people just don't worry about things like I do. How can you do that? Is it something you can learn? I try to be optimistic and happy but I always fail and start worrying about everything in my life. Did anyone here have a success story? Please share with us. I really need to relax. I don't know how.

thejigsup · 07-16-2008, 05:38 PM

I used to have this exact problem, still do to some extent. What helped me was hanging around more relaxed people, and being rushed to the hospital with a bleeding ulcer did much to change my attitude,also. You would not believe how six months of a restrictive diet can change the level of your worrying. I worry much less now. When I do go into deep worry mode, it is over something that calls for that. I don't fret small stuff anymore. I would be dead if I did.

Kalika · 07-16-2008, 05:54 PM

If it's affecting your life and/or work, you may be able to get some help through counseling, if that's a viable option for you.

Whiskers · 07-16-2008, 06:01 PM

I used to worry about stupid little things, to the point of an ulcer...but what happened was surprisingly profound and simple. Though I can't say it will work for just anyone.
It just occurred to me one day, that no matter what i do or where, if something was going to happen, good or bad...it would happen no matter how much I worried and fretted about it. In the end I chose not to miss out on everything by giving into the constant nagging worry and chose life.
I figured out that only a few things in a 100 were worth worrying about and even then not as much as I previously believed.
It also became clear to me, that even those times when I felt my world spin out of control and the bottom fall out of my stomach, weren't as bad as I allowed them to seem. Most passed without incident or were not as bad as I predicted..."almost everything can be over come and you can't live your life in fear and worry on the off chance something might come of it!"

As has already been said, hang out with more relaxed people, and if it's affecting you life...seek counselling - the problem might go deeper.
XXXX

Aurian · 07-16-2008, 06:25 PM

How do you know if you worry too much? My bf always teases me for worrying, but I feel like its more like planning or wanting to talk about things.

thejigsup · 07-16-2008, 07:04 PM

You know. You just know. We really shouldn't worry at all. We should try to solve things but worry just hurts you. Sooo, if you go over things in your head constantly without coming up with a solution, you are worrying too much.

Iris-PJ · 07-16-2008, 08:16 PM

hi there!

I am the same way! What helped me is reading "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie, it has some good and simple advice that helps put things in perspective. Also I started mediating on a daily basis in the morning and before bed to relax me. Also when the "worry" thoughts start creeping in I can't seem to stop them just yet, what I do is substitute what they want to say with "blah blah blah" and I calm down quickly and if it is something to worry about that I have the power to change I have to get up and do something about it. Being concerned and alert in the face of a threat is instinct, but worrying is optional, because worrying is a habit, for us a bad habit. So it does take time to learn to relax.

As for hanging out with more relaxed people, I would also recommend doing the reverse. I for one would get upset with people that didn't seem to worry or have a care in the world. I would be worrying that they weren't worrying, and wondering how can they not be worrying about anything!? It was hanging out with an older aunt that had worried her life away and realized just how up tight she was that I realized I do not want that to be me! I need to stop worrying! Not stop caring.

just my two cents
all the best,
-PJ

07-16-2008, 05:35 PM	#1
i_love_chocolate Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Earth Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 308	How do you learn not to worry? I have a very serious problem with worrying. I worry WAY too much about everything in my life. I always overly worry about something, and then it turns out that it wasn't worth worrying about. I would always feel like something is not going to work out or will be a big problem, but then it turns out totally the opposite and I say to myself "oh my God why did I worry then?". I notice that some people just don't worry about things like I do. How can you do that? Is it something you can learn? I try to be optimistic and happy but I always fail and start worrying about everything in my life. Did anyone here have a success story? Please share with us. I really need to relax. I don't know how.

07-16-2008, 06:01 PM	#4
Whiskers Offline Silver Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In dreams. Gender: Female Posts: 457	I used to worry about stupid little things, to the point of an ulcer...but what happened was surprisingly profound and simple. Though I can't say it will work for just anyone. It just occurred to me one day, that no matter what i do or where, if something was going to happen, good or bad...it would happen no matter how much I worried and fretted about it. In the end I chose not to miss out on everything by giving into the constant nagging worry and chose life. I figured out that only a few things in a 100 were worth worrying about and even then not as much as I previously believed. It also became clear to me, that even those times when I felt my world spin out of control and the bottom fall out of my stomach, weren't as bad as I allowed them to seem. Most passed without incident or were not as bad as I predicted..."almost everything can be over come and you can't live your life in fear and worry on the off chance something might come of it!" As has already been said, hang out with more relaxed people, and if it's affecting you life...seek counselling - the problem might go deeper. XXXX __________________ I wish I could fly, fly, fly!

07-16-2008, 06:25 PM	#5
Aurian Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Vancouver, Canada Gender: Female Age: 30 Posts: 2,364	How do you know if you worry too much? My bf always teases me for worrying, but I feel like its more like planning or wanting to talk about things. __________________ How to spot a loser and understanding the abused victim: http://www.drjoecarver.com/3/miscellaneous2.htm Excellent articles!

07-16-2008, 05:38 PM	#2
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,128	I used to have this exact problem, still do to some extent. What helped me was hanging around more relaxed people, and being rushed to the hospital with a bleeding ulcer did much to change my attitude,also. You would not believe how six months of a restrictive diet can change the level of your worrying. I worry much less now. When I do go into deep worry mode, it is over something that calls for that. I don't fret small stuff anymore. I would be dead if I did.

07-16-2008, 05:54 PM	#3
Kalika Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 1,343	If it's affecting your life and/or work, you may be able to get some help through counseling, if that's a viable option for you.

07-16-2008, 07:04 PM	#6
thejigsup Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Gender: Female Age: 53 Posts: 4,128	You know. You just know. We really shouldn't worry at all. We should try to solve things but worry just hurts you. Sooo, if you go over things in your head constantly without coming up with a solution, you are worrying too much.

07-16-2008, 08:16 PM	#7
Iris-PJ Offline Bronze Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: California Gender: Female Age: 25 Posts: 116	hi there! I am the same way! What helped me is reading "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie, it has some good and simple advice that helps put things in perspective. Also I started mediating on a daily basis in the morning and before bed to relax me. Also when the "worry" thoughts start creeping in I can't seem to stop them just yet, what I do is substitute what they want to say with "blah blah blah" and I calm down quickly and if it is something to worry about that I have the power to change I have to get up and do something about it. Being concerned and alert in the face of a threat is instinct, but worrying is optional, because worrying is a habit, for us a bad habit. So it does take time to learn to relax. As for hanging out with more relaxed people, I would also recommend doing the reverse. I for one would get upset with people that didn't seem to worry or have a care in the world. I would be worrying that they weren't worrying, and wondering how can they not be worrying about anything!? It was hanging out with an older aunt that had worried her life away and realized just how up tight she was that I realized I do not want that to be me! I need to stop worrying! Not stop caring. just my two cents all the best, -PJ