Need advice, Please!

Penny1041 · 07-10-2008, 03:51 AM

Its been while since I posted here... I have a 15 year old daughter who is wearing me thin.. Shes verbally, emotionally and when things are really tense, she has been physically abusive to me and her brother.. I am a single mom, I left her dad because he was beating her, so she has no contact, and no relationship with her father.. I believe that is the core defect here.. Lately, she is up all night, sleeps all day and she has been stealing my things, like make up mainly.. We are in therapy and it helps some.. its just very slow going.
I have filed charges against her for stealing some money of mine about 4 months ago. I thought being on probation and having a juvanile record might scare her.. it hasn't.. I dont know how to protect my things and how to get things under control, FAST. Anyone have any advice? Is bording school an option? I am on welfare but isnt here scolarships or something to help me out?
I feel like she is running my house and draining me emotionally. I am probably a horrible mother but I just dont know how to turn this around quick enuff...
Thanks for listening...

Penny

**arwen** · 07-10-2008, 06:53 AM

Hi Penny,

I find it hard to advise you here- it seems like a situation that is very very hard on all parties involved. It is a good thing that you are in therapy with her- what does the counsellor think about boarding school? I think that scare tactics are an understandable approach (seeing what you're coming from with her stealing and being abusive), but also that it will not improve your relationship with her. I think it will only give her a reason be angry and in her mind 'justify' her bad behavior. But you have to set boundaries- you are providing for her with the little means that you have and she has to learn to behave in a responsible manner. You are not a bad mother- you are in a tough situation and have to make big decisions on your own.

How is your daughters relationship with her grandparents?

Take care,

Arwen

AwdreeHpburn · 07-13-2008, 12:26 PM

Hey Penny - So sorry to hear what you're going thru. Sounds a lot like my family life growing up. I'm 35 now so the good news is she WILL grow up. How is gonna be the question.

Its MY opinion that if you can get her prof help, you should. Not the legal, criminal kind, the psychiatric kind. She obviously has a lot of issues with the abuse she went thru and has NO idea how to deal with it so its much more familiar and comfortable to lash out.

Get her some help if you can.

07-10-2008, 03:51 AM	#1
Penny1041 Offline Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Tempe, Arizona Gender: Female Posts: 113	Need advice, Please! Its been while since I posted here... I have a 15 year old daughter who is wearing me thin.. Shes verbally, emotionally and when things are really tense, she has been physically abusive to me and her brother.. I am a single mom, I left her dad because he was beating her, so she has no contact, and no relationship with her father.. I believe that is the core defect here.. Lately, she is up all night, sleeps all day and she has been stealing my things, like make up mainly.. We are in therapy and it helps some.. its just very slow going. I have filed charges against her for stealing some money of mine about 4 months ago. I thought being on probation and having a juvanile record might scare her.. it hasn't.. I dont know how to protect my things and how to get things under control, FAST. Anyone have any advice? Is bording school an option? I am on welfare but isnt here scolarships or something to help me out? I feel like she is running my house and draining me emotionally. I am probably a horrible mother but I just dont know how to turn this around quick enuff... Thanks for listening... Penny

07-10-2008, 06:53 AM	#2
arwen Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: The Netherlands Gender: Female Age: 29 Posts: 5,396	Hi Penny, I find it hard to advise you here- it seems like a situation that is very very hard on all parties involved. It is a good thing that you are in therapy with her- what does the counsellor think about boarding school? I think that scare tactics are an understandable approach (seeing what you're coming from with her stealing and being abusive), but also that it will not improve your relationship with her. I think it will only give her a reason be angry and in her mind 'justify' her bad behavior. But you have to set boundaries- you are providing for her with the little means that you have and she has to learn to behave in a responsible manner. You are not a bad mother- you are in a tough situation and have to make big decisions on your own. How is your daughters relationship with her grandparents? Take care, Arwen __________________ You always* have a choice.* 11 February 2010: [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]* is due!* Please see the forum rules for posting on enotalone.com

07-13-2008, 12:26 PM	#3
AwdreeHpburn Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Tiffany's Gender: Female Age: 37 Posts: 4,639	Hey Penny - So sorry to hear what you're going thru. Sounds a lot like my family life growing up. I'm 35 now so the good news is she WILL grow up. How is gonna be the question. Its MY opinion that if you can get her prof help, you should. Not the legal, criminal kind, the psychiatric kind. She obviously has a lot of issues with the abuse she went thru and has NO idea how to deal with it so its much more familiar and comfortable to lash out. Get her some help if you can. __________________ What i really meant to say, is that I'm sorry for the way I am......