Girlfriend like mother?

Mr.Mister · 07-03-2008, 04:55 PM

I realized that my ex acted very similar to my mother and that got me thinking..

Some people say that you should be with someone that reminds you of your mother, and some say the exact opposite. What is your take on it?

Has anyone had an experience with dating/marrying a girl that is either exactly opposite of their mother or pretty similar?

(I'm talking in personality, not in looks, obviously.) Just curious.

Cognitive_Canine · 07-03-2008, 05:05 PM

Do you believe the same true for women and their fathers?

Because, my dad has the exact opposite qualities that I want in a man.

Mlost · 07-03-2008, 05:09 PM

I think it's mostly black and white. Either you want nothing they represent, or they become a subconscious model you use.

I've turned into my dad (which is a good thing), and the qualities that my mom has; very laid-back, compassionate, fun, against-the-grain, etc. are exactly what I would want in a future SO.

Maroney555 · 07-03-2008, 05:11 PM

My boyfriend and dad share similar qualities.

Now that I think of it...all the guys I have dated have shared some qualities...my last serious boyfriend shared my dad's anger issues and desire to be secluded. My now serious boyfriend shares unselfishness, caring nature, and other various, really desirable qualities my father has.

I think that depending on the type of relationships you have had with your parents determines whether or not your SO's will fall into those qualities.

poloplayer · 07-03-2008, 05:13 PM

I had a similar convo. with a close girl friend of mine from high school.

At 26, she thinks she has found 'the one.' Lot's of neat things about him, but most importantly, he reminds her of her father in many, many ways.

As I've gotten older, I've experienced much of the same and want a woman that has the qualities (as a person) that my mother has.

When I was younger (high school and college), I was delusional and focused on fun and looks. It was fun, but not serious-serious.

Excalibur · 07-03-2008, 05:26 PM

Most people pursue putting completion to a relationship with a parent that was unsatisfying or not loving enough - by marrying someone of that same personality/perception of life type.

At least, that's one approach.

Really depends on how much you really admire, trust, like, accept, love appropriately yourself - if you really think that your style, your approach, your standards, your values are what makes your world go around -you want someone alot like yourself.

If you aren't that self-aware and self-obligated - then you usually try to get the person that didn't like you enough by your definition in earlier period of your life to "love in you romantic relationships/marriage".

It doesn't work any better as a rule than round #1 that failed.

SpeedingCars · 07-03-2008, 05:45 PM

My dad sent me an e-mail telling me that women like men who are just like their fathers.... which is weird, because I DON'T want a man like my father!

He cheated on my mother, barely pays child support, doesn't listen to me, etc.

Somehow, I ended up with a guy just like him... -_- Go figure.

Mr.Mister · 07-05-2008, 09:08 PM

Some people say you end up dating someone that is just like your mother (or father I guess), but then you realize you hate your mother (or father) and have to break it off.

I do not hate my mother, but she is a constant whiner. I can't stand how she can whine about everything, and I really don't want a girl that will whine very much at all. But, anyway, thanks for responding. It's interesting to think about.

dragon lady · 07-05-2008, 09:14 PM

I've heard that people tend to go for people like their mothers/fathers IF they have a good relationship with them. There is no way in hell I'd want to end up with someone like my dad.

poloplayer · 07-06-2008, 11:25 AM

^^^You're 21...you're young. At 21 the last thing I wanted was to be around anyone that reminded me of my parents.

By my mid 20s, it was growing more and more appealing.

07-03-2008, 05:09 PM	#3
Mlost Offline Gold Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Orange County Gender: Male Age: 28 Posts: 560	I think it's mostly black and white. Either you want nothing they represent, or they become a subconscious model you use. I've turned into my dad (which is a good thing), and the qualities that my mom has; very laid-back, compassionate, fun, against-the-grain, etc. are exactly what I would want in a future SO. __________________ Signposts don't normally provide you with advance photographs of what you'll find at the end of the road, but that doesn't mean they aren't pointing in the right direction. ~ N.T. Wright "Surprised by Hope"

07-03-2008, 05:45 PM	#7
SpeedingCars Offline Silver Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: TEXAS! Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 627	My dad sent me an e-mail telling me that women like men who are just like their fathers.... which is weird, because I DON'T want a man like my father! He cheated on my mother, barely pays child support, doesn't listen to me, etc. Somehow, I ended up with a guy just like him... -_- Go figure. __________________ "And I hope one day you see nobody has it easy." - John Legend <3

07-05-2008, 09:08 PM	#8
Mr.Mister Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 219	Some people say you end up dating someone that is just like your mother (or father I guess), but then you realize you hate your mother (or father) and have to break it off. I do not hate my mother, but she is a constant whiner. I can't stand how she can whine about everything, and I really don't want a girl that will whine very much at all. But, anyway, thanks for responding. It's interesting to think about. __________________ "When I get pissed, you get mist." -ATHF

07-03-2008, 04:55 PM	#1
Mr.Mister Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 219	Girlfriend like mother? I realized that my ex acted very similar to my mother and that got me thinking.. Some people say that you should be with someone that reminds you of your mother, and some say the exact opposite. What is your take on it? Has anyone had an experience with dating/marrying a girl that is either exactly opposite of their mother or pretty similar? (I'm talking in personality, not in looks, obviously.) Just curious. __________________ "When I get pissed, you get mist." -ATHF

07-03-2008, 05:05 PM	#2
Cognitive_Canine Online Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Gender: Female Posts: 11,352	Do you believe the same true for women and their fathers? Because, my dad has the exact opposite qualities that I want in a man.

07-03-2008, 05:11 PM	#4
Maroney555 Offline Silver Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: California Gender: Female Age: 21 Posts: 356	My boyfriend and dad share similar qualities. Now that I think of it...all the guys I have dated have shared some qualities...my last serious boyfriend shared my dad's anger issues and desire to be secluded. My now serious boyfriend shares unselfishness, caring nature, and other various, really desirable qualities my father has. I think that depending on the type of relationships you have had with your parents determines whether or not your SO's will fall into those qualities.

07-03-2008, 05:13 PM	#5
poloplayer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 1,051	I had a similar convo. with a close girl friend of mine from high school. At 26, she thinks she has found 'the one.' Lot's of neat things about him, but most importantly, he reminds her of her father in many, many ways. As I've gotten older, I've experienced much of the same and want a woman that has the qualities (as a person) that my mother has. When I was younger (high school and college), I was delusional and focused on fun and looks. It was fun, but not serious-serious.

07-03-2008, 05:26 PM	#6
Excalibur Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,651	Most people pursue putting completion to a relationship with a parent that was unsatisfying or not loving enough - by marrying someone of that same personality/perception of life type. At least, that's one approach. Really depends on how much you really admire, trust, like, accept, love appropriately yourself - if you really think that your style, your approach, your standards, your values are what makes your world go around -you want someone alot like yourself. If you aren't that self-aware and self-obligated - then you usually try to get the person that didn't like you enough by your definition in earlier period of your life to "love in you romantic relationships/marriage". It doesn't work any better as a rule than round #1 that failed.

07-05-2008, 09:14 PM	#9
dragon lady Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Gender: Female Age: 23 Posts: 2,691	I've heard that people tend to go for people like their mothers/fathers IF they have a good relationship with them. There is no way in hell I'd want to end up with someone like my dad.

07-06-2008, 11:25 AM	#10
poloplayer Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Gender: None Specified Posts: 1,051	^^^You're 21...you're young. At 21 the last thing I wanted was to be around anyone that reminded me of my parents. By my mid 20s, it was growing more and more appealing.