Friends who self-injure, success stories in helping and supporting those around you...

[girl friend]

Hey guys,
Well i wanted to start a thread to ask how many of you know someone around you who self-injures?and how you handle and address the situation with them.

'Just being there is sometimes all you can do...'

You feel so helpless, and useless....

Yet by just being there, you are changing the world!!!! You are incredible.

So yes, i want to hear from people who know what its like to listen to a close friend who is a self-injurer. What is going through your minds? How do you react? How do you listen?

And has anyone ever 'come out' to you about their self-injury? Because that is incredible. To be trusted so much. It shows they love and respect you and know that you are different, that you care and are not ignorent.

Did you ever find ways that helped your friends?

Love lots

girl friend

[A World Away]

Someone I know once told me that they self injure.
I didn't necassarily know her very well at the time, we just knew each other from being in the same form when we were at school. We had begun to chat a lot on msn though. I think that's what made her begin to trust me. She can get very depressed, and many people don't try and look beyond this to see who the person really is. Therefore, a lot of people on msn didn't talk to her so much anymore. I thought she was a really nice person though. I liked talking to her. I found I could cheer her up, which felt kinda good. Then one day, she told me she slef injures. She said it in a way that she could cover it up again in case I over reacted. Little did she know I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had already suspected she may self injured, but I knew it was up to her to want to tell me herself, rather than risk her pushing away help. I was able to understand her, and try and help her.
I don't really know what was going through my mind at the time, but I didn't like to think of anyone I knew purposely hurting themselves. As she built her trust up on me, she was able to talk to me any time she felt the need to cut. Of course she still cut, but she was able to talk about her problems now, instead of taking it out on herself. However, I knew I was far from the help she really needed, so luckily I was able to persuade her to also see the school councillor, which helped her a lot. We talked through her feelings a lot, and she's now a lot happier, and we're still great friends. We don't see each other as much now, but i'm still there for her. She'll text me sometimes when she needs to, or just wants a friend. She barely self injures now at all.
In some ways, I wish I had someone I could talk to too. But then the thought of telling anyone in my life is way too frightening.

[girl friend]

Originally Posted by A World Away

Someone I know once told me that they self injure.
I didn't necassarily know her very well at the time, we just knew each other from being in the same form when we were at school. We had begun to chat a lot on msn though. I think that's what made her begin to trust me. She can get very depressed, and many people don't try and look beyond this to see who the person really is. Therefore, a lot of people on msn didn't talk to her so much anymore. I thought she was a really nice person though. I liked talking to her. I found I could cheer her up, which felt kinda good. Then one day, she told me she slef injures. She said it in a way that she could cover it up again in case I over reacted. Little did she know I knew exactly what she was talking about. I had already suspected she may self injured, but I knew it was up to her to want to tell me herself, rather than risk her pushing away help. I was able to understand her, and try and help her.
I don't really know what was going through my mind at the time, but I didn't like to think of anyone I knew purposely hurting themselves. As she built her trust up on me, she was able to talk to me any time she felt the need to cut. Of course she still cut, but she was able to talk about her problems now, instead of taking it out on herself. However, I knew I was far from the help she really needed, so luckily I was able to persuade her to also see the school councillor, which helped her a lot. We talked through her feelings a lot, and she's now a lot happier, and we're still great friends. We don't see each other as much now, but i'm still there for her. She'll text me sometimes when she needs to, or just wants a friend. She barely self injures now at all.
In some ways, I wish I had someone I could talk to too. But then the thought of telling anyone in my life is way too frightening.

Aw man i'm glad u were able to be there for that girl hun,
But its a shame you couldnt tell her about yourself too... I mean, its the same thing... if you were being there for her, surely you deserve that too? Maybe she trusted you because she suspected..? Think about all the advice you gave her... that IS applicable to you too.

Get help, get that counselling, get that alternate perspective, get happier, then you can move on like she has done..

girl friend

[A World Away]

I don't deserve people to be there for me.
It is ultimately my own fault that I harm, so that is no one elses problem.
If she knew, she may do what I did for her and get help for me.
That would mean others having to know, and ultimately my parents knowing.
I don't want to hurt them further.
I don't want to make things worse for them at the moment.
It's not that I don't want help. I want more than anything not to injure.
But that's the way things are at the moment, and I will continue to battle the urges myself. Although I may not be successful at this present time, I like to think that one day in the future I will be.

[girl friend]

Originally Posted by A World Away

I don't deserve people to be there for me.
It is ultimately my own fault that I harm, so that is no one elses problem.
If she knew, she may do what I did for her and get help for me.
That would mean others having to know, and ultimately my parents knowing.
I don't want to hurt them further.
I don't want to make things worse for them at the moment.
It's not that I don't want help. I want more than anything not to injure.
But that's the way things are at the moment, and I will continue to battle the urges myself. Although I may not be successful at this present time, I like to think that one day in the future I will be.

Sure you do. Why do you feel that everyone else deserves help but you don't.
You know, there is help you can get through school and college that your parents need never know about. Yes others would know. the tutor you went to would know, and the teacher in charge of pastoral care would be informed, and the counsellor who met with you would know. but not necessarily your parents. At your age you have rights to privacy.

And its not about them, this is about you! For once dont put other people first. What do you want? you said you want more than anything not to injure. Of course you will be successful in battling the urges one day, but you don't have to do this by yourself. Talking it through with an adult face2face can help. You deserve to be happy, secure, and free from self-injury. You deserve the help and support that you gave that girl.

Okies?

girl friend

[A World Away]

Even if my parents didn't know, I just can't bear the thought of anyone knowing.
I'd be paranoid about what they thought of me.
I'd be so ashamed.
People see me as strong. If they knew this, i'd be so very weak. I don't want to be seen that way. I gave that girl help because she truely deserved it. If I thought i had potential, then maybe I would have got help a while ago. I know i don't want to pass that hassle on to anyone else, so I'm ok with things the way they are.
It's not worth going to a coucillor for- there are people with much bigger problems.

[girl friend]

Originally Posted by A World Away

Even if my parents didn't know, I just can't bear the thought of anyone knowing.
I'd be paranoid about what they thought of me.
I'd be so ashamed.
People see me as strong. If they knew this, i'd be so very weak. I don't want to be seen that way. I gave that girl help because she truely deserved it. If I thought i had potential, then maybe I would have got help a while ago. I know i don't want to pass that hassle on to anyone else, so I'm ok with things the way they are.
It's not worth going to a coucillor for- there are people with much bigger problems.

It IS worth going to a counsellor. I know all about the shame. I know about your strength. And i know the price you pay for it.
But this logic, this mentality, this cognition ''i always have to be the strong one, i can't show any sign of emotion whatsoever.'' its only hurting you, in the long run.
You do have potential. getting help at any point in the battle shows strength. It is worth going to a counsellor because u deserve help. Lets get this fixed. It can be ok.

I am soo used to this logic, this 'put everyone else first, i don't deserve help, it doesn't matter that i self-injure, only that my friends are ok.''
It is a false belief. Self-injury may have helped you to get by and cope at crucial and critical points in your life, but now it is a habit, an addiction, and you deserve help in finding where it comes from and in overcoming it.

Please think about it A World Away

girl friend

[A World Away]

I really do admire you girl friend. I honestly do. You have courage and strength. That's without knowing any details. Surely that's someone special. You are a great person with potential to make changes in this world. I'm just that ordinary girl walking down the street. One that doesnt stand out. Im happy to be in the background making others smile. To see others happy makes me happy.
Perhaps I simply am not strong enough to get help. I am weak in that sense. My strength is only of face value. I wish that were not the truth but it is.
You are so right in that it fastly becomes an addiction. And you know what? I'm angry. So angry that i ever resorted to this in the first place. It makes me think that you know what? Perhaps I deserve to be punished.

[girl friend]

Originally Posted by A World Away

I really do admire you girl friend. I honestly do. You have courage and strength. That's without knowing any details. Surely that's someone special. You are a great person with potential to make changes in this world. I'm just that ordinary girl walking down the street. One that doesnt stand out. Im happy to be in the background making others smile. To see others happy makes me happy.
Perhaps I simply am not strong enough to get help. I am weak in that sense. My strength is only of face value. I wish that were not the truth but it is.
You are so right in that it fastly becomes an addiction. And you know what? I'm angry. So angry that i ever resorted to this in the first place. It makes me think that you know what? Perhaps I deserve to be punished.

Sheesh.

Man you just reminded me of someone else then, someone very special who i care about a great deal. She talks like that. Making others laugh, always being the smiler, the happy one, the one no one would suspect of being so much in pain...

The changes i want to make in this world are not my own, but through other people.

Are you really happy in the background ? Are you really happy at all? When was the last time you were truly happy?

Of course you are strong. Heck, self-injury is strong, its strong, and it is weak i guess. Strong because the person is coping with life, when there was seemingly no way out, no way to get through, the mind found a way. weak because with self-injury we are soon out of control. And then afraid, addicted, lost, vulnerable, disgusted, scared, lonely, frightened, ashamed...

How can your strength only be of face value when i have never even seen your face and i have seen your strength!?

Dont beat yourself up over this (no joke intended). What i mean is, don't hate yourself for ever starting in the first place. You probably had your reasons. Maybe you didn't even decide to do it, maybe you didn't realise what you had done until afterwards. Maybe you found the pain cleared your mind and the pain leaving your body...

I don't know. I don't know a whole lot about you kiddo.

But what i do know, is that you don't deserve to be punished. Not by yourself. Heck life will hurt us enough as it is. ATm you are in a place where whatever happens in life, nothing could ever be worse than anything you could do to yourself.

You need to get out of this cycle hun.
I urge you to consider your options counselling wise.
When you start college they have free counsellors on site at set times, no parental consent necessary!

I urge you to think about where this started and why.
I urge you to treat yourself lovingly.

You are smart, intelligent, strong, motivated, driven, academic a good writer, a real nice girl from what i can see. Its ok to accept the good about yourself.

[A World Away]

Perhaps your changes would be through others, but it is you initiating them. You are taking your knowledge, determination, and kindness to a new level, and using everything you can in order to aid others. There are not a lot of people who can do that.
There are times I’d not like to be in the background so much. But I’d hate to be in the spotlight so much that I was well known, that people could judge me. Perhaps I am not truly happy, but I’m doing just fine. Things will be ok. Things always will work themselves out…you just have to wait sometimes. And have patience.
‘afraid, addicted, lost, vulnerable, disgusted, scared, lonely, frightened, ashamed’
YES. Every single one of them. Perfect description. It just feels vulgar. Yet I know I’m the only one who can put a stop to this concerning myself- therefore why am I waiting about unable to do that? There is simply no logic.
You have seen no strength in me. You have seen words that I have written. Behind those words is a stupid weak person. I really do appreciate your trying to help me though. You are one damn kind person. Kind is so not the word. I’m not good with words.
Besides. I cant go to a councillor. I’m in for an extremely long summer, with currently no college to go to. Even when that all gets sorted, everything will be so new. The last thing I will be wanting to do is making myself stand out as a self injurer. Many people will be able to relate to that.