He wont commit

BekBekbek · 06-15-2008, 06:03 PM

Ive been seing my man for 5 months now. We met online an he said he just wanted to take things slow as did i cause our previous relationships were very distructive. He has a child to his previous partner an so do i. Anyway i thought by now we would be seeing eachother more then once every 2 weeks. We never do anything, when i do see him i cant get a baby sitter an my dd is usually asleep so we cant really go anywhere so we just hang out , talk watch movies an usually have sex. We do talk everynight on the phone tho he usually rings me about 9pm an then talks till about 1ish. I invite him round so that his ds can play with my dd but he says he doesnt want his ds to be uncomfortable. He has been here on a few occasions tho but they havent stayed long. Anyway about 3 weeks ago we had an important doctors appt ( i was pregnant) an he had to take me since i dont have a liecence anyway i said mum an dad are here do you want to meet them an he said no its to soon.Yesterday i found out that he hasnt told anyone about me an i dont understand why. I have never been in a relationship like this i dont know whats going on? what i mean to him or what is going to happen . Any advice ?? I just feel like a booty call.

**annie24** · 06-15-2008, 06:09 PM

hi - how old are you guys? is he the father of the child? if so, this situation has a lot of red flags!

yes, i think it's unusual after dating for 5 months only to see each other every 2 weeks. but if you are on the phone with him for 4 hours a day, maybe he has no reason to see you in person? i would cut off conversations after 20 minutes or so, and he can ask you on a date if he wants to see you. 4 hours a day is excessive, don't you have other things to do?

how old are your children?

BekBekbek · 06-15-2008, 06:25 PM

Im 20 , hes 27. He has a 3 year old an i have a 1 year old

**annie24** · 06-15-2008, 06:27 PM

is he the father of the child you are carrying now?

Jen5283 · 06-15-2008, 06:28 PM

Seeing each other once every 2 weeks wouldn't be enough to even really get to know someone that you just started dated, much less someone you've been with 5 years!

Quit talking to him on the phone so much like Annie said, and tell him that you would like to see him more. If you back off on the phone calls, he will have to make an effort to see you to gain that time back if he cares.

What is it that you are looking for from him? Marriage? Companionship?

BeStrongBeHappy · 06-15-2008, 06:37 PM

If he is only seeing you every 2 weeks, you are just dating very casually, and there is a good chance that perhaps he is also dating someone else.

You need to sit down with him and ask him why this is, and whether he sees himself as your boyfriend, or just someone you date now and again, and if he wants to be exclusive or not.

After 5 months he should be a bit more enthusiastic than this towards seeing you, unless he has a really good reason not to.

BekBekbek · 06-15-2008, 06:52 PM

Yes he was the father of my baby that i was carrying, we decided to terminate giving that i got pregnant on our first date.

Im not looking for anything serious im just looking for a steady relationship. I really like him but half the time it feels like i have to make all the effort.

**annie24** · 06-15-2008, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeStrongBeHappy

If he is only seeing you every 2 weeks, you are just dating very casually, and there is a good chance that perhaps he is also dating someone else.

You need to sit down with him and ask him why this is, and whether he sees himself as your boyfriend, or just someone you date now and again, and if he wants to be exclusive or not.

After 5 months he should be a bit more enthusiastic than this towards seeing you, unless he has a really good reason not to.

yes, i agree. i would certainly sit him down at this stage and ask him what he is wanting from you, what kind of relationship. once every 2 weeks really does sound like there are other women around, etc....

i hope you guys are being more careful with birth control now too. i would not want to get pregnant with this man who is so not reliable at this stage.

Excalibur · 06-19-2008, 02:57 PM

You're not dating, you're not in a relationship - you're hanging out and hooking up whenever it is convenient for sex and fun in the moments you spend together - but that's it.

**arwen** · 06-20-2008, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BekBekbek

Yes he was the father of my baby that i was carrying, we decided to terminate giving that i got pregnant on our first date.

Im not looking for anything serious im just looking for a steady relationship. I really like him but half the time it feels like i have to make all the effort.

I don't understand, what is a steady relationship if there are no serious intentions? Or do you want to be friends with benefits with this guy? You call the thread 'he won't commit' so I take that you want more out of the relationship than he gives now.

I don't think he is interested in more, and I also wonder how old he and you are?

06-15-2008, 06:03 PM	#1
BekBekbek Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 6	He wont commit Ive been seing my man for 5 months now. We met online an he said he just wanted to take things slow as did i cause our previous relationships were very distructive. He has a child to his previous partner an so do i. Anyway i thought by now we would be seeing eachother more then once every 2 weeks. We never do anything, when i do see him i cant get a baby sitter an my dd is usually asleep so we cant really go anywhere so we just hang out , talk watch movies an usually have sex. We do talk everynight on the phone tho he usually rings me about 9pm an then talks till about 1ish. I invite him round so that his ds can play with my dd but he says he doesnt want his ds to be uncomfortable. He has been here on a few occasions tho but they havent stayed long. Anyway about 3 weeks ago we had an important doctors appt ( i was pregnant) an he had to take me since i dont have a liecence anyway i said mum an dad are here do you want to meet them an he said no its to soon.Yesterday i found out that he hasnt told anyone about me an i dont understand why. I have never been in a relationship like this i dont know whats going on? what i mean to him or what is going to happen . Any advice ?? I just feel like a booty call.

06-15-2008, 06:09 PM	#2
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,812	hi - how old are you guys? is he the father of the child? if so, this situation has a lot of red flags! yes, i think it's unusual after dating for 5 months only to see each other every 2 weeks. but if you are on the phone with him for 4 hours a day, maybe he has no reason to see you in person? i would cut off conversations after 20 minutes or so, and he can ask you on a date if he wants to see you. 4 hours a day is excessive, don't you have other things to do? how old are your children?

06-15-2008, 06:25 PM	#3
BekBekbek Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 6	Im 20 , hes 27. He has a 3 year old an i have a 1 year old

06-15-2008, 06:27 PM	#4
annie24 Offline Super Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Age: 29 Posts: 26,812	is he the father of the child you are carrying now?

06-15-2008, 06:28 PM	#5
Jen5283 Offline Bronze Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: TEXAS Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 166	Seeing each other once every 2 weeks wouldn't be enough to even really get to know someone that you just started dated, much less someone you've been with 5 years! Quit talking to him on the phone so much like Annie said, and tell him that you would like to see him more. If you back off on the phone calls, he will have to make an effort to see you to gain that time back if he cares. What is it that you are looking for from him? Marriage? Companionship?

06-15-2008, 06:37 PM	#6
BeStrongBeHappy Offline Platinum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 7,416	If he is only seeing you every 2 weeks, you are just dating very casually, and there is a good chance that perhaps he is also dating someone else. You need to sit down with him and ask him why this is, and whether he sees himself as your boyfriend, or just someone you date now and again, and if he wants to be exclusive or not. After 5 months he should be a bit more enthusiastic than this towards seeing you, unless he has a really good reason not to.

06-15-2008, 06:52 PM	#7
BekBekbek Offline Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 6	Yes he was the father of my baby that i was carrying, we decided to terminate giving that i got pregnant on our first date. Im not looking for anything serious im just looking for a steady relationship. I really like him but half the time it feels like i have to make all the effort.

06-19-2008, 02:57 PM	#9
Excalibur Offline Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 1,651	You're not dating, you're not in a relationship - you're hanging out and hooking up whenever it is convenient for sex and fun in the moments you spend together - but that's it.